Financial Challenges Support Group
This community is for people who are struggling to meet financial obligations of any kind. Financial challenges include everything from the day-to-day challenges of making ends meet to managing credit card debt to bankruptcy. Get support from others who are going through similar obstacles on the road back to financial stability.
Some of you might remember my story from the B&D group a few months back. I was so strong! So ready to leave! Then I got lonely- gave him another chance.
DH has this online gaming addiction- spends about $1000/ month on it, this is about 1/4 our income.
I just learned about this recently, when he drained our savings and overdrafted our joint bank account. He'd always told me it was a free game (it is- but the cheats he buys for it, apparently, are not.) He had me convinced I was buying too many groceries (I was unaware of our monthly income- he'd told me it was less, and I'd believed him.)
He's a disabled vet, PTSD. He "bled" for this money, as he likes to say.
After kicking him out of the house for a few weeks, he came back with the agreement that he would give me my share of money each month- enough to pay for groceries and other expenses. He would still pay bills and would have a small amount of his own money for gas and other expenses.
I should have taken complete control of finances, I know.
So what happened? Well, his share wasn't enough to cover his addiction. So he took out a loan. I had already closed our joint bank account and opened my own in an attempt to keep our finances separate. Now I found out my name is on his Armed Forces bank account. Why? I'm not sure. He's never allowed me access to it. Maybe so he can take out loans using my credit?
Is there a way to keep finances completely separate in a marriage? Can I keep him from using my credit for any purposes? I know I need to take total control of the finances, and he's agreed to this. I just need to know he's not using money we don't have behind my back.
DH has this online gaming addiction- spends about $1000/ month on it, this is about 1/4 our income.
I just learned about this recently, when he drained our savings and overdrafted our joint bank account. He'd always told me it was a free game (it is- but the cheats he buys for it, apparently, are not.) He had me convinced I was buying too many groceries (I was unaware of our monthly income- he'd told me it was less, and I'd believed him.)
He's a disabled vet, PTSD. He "bled" for this money, as he likes to say.
After kicking him out of the house for a few weeks, he came back with the agreement that he would give me my share of money each month- enough to pay for groceries and other expenses. He would still pay bills and would have a small amount of his own money for gas and other expenses.
I should have taken complete control of finances, I know.
So what happened? Well, his share wasn't enough to cover his addiction. So he took out a loan. I had already closed our joint bank account and opened my own in an attempt to keep our finances separate. Now I found out my name is on his Armed Forces bank account. Why? I'm not sure. He's never allowed me access to it. Maybe so he can take out loans using my credit?
Is there a way to keep finances completely separate in a marriage? Can I keep him from using my credit for any purposes? I know I need to take total control of the finances, and he's agreed to this. I just need to know he's not using money we don't have behind my back.
Run a credit check under your name with all three credit bureaus (Transamerica, Equifax and I forget the other one) to see what debt he has you involved in. No accounts should be opened in your name without your signature--go to those places and ask to see the signature cards and squawk if it is a forged signature.
Then go over to the D.S. board for Family & Friends of Addicts (they are for all types of addicts, including gamblers) and get on that board and learn. Addicts are born liars.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Families-and-Friends-Of-Addicts/support-group
I was born a boy, filled with the hopes and dreams of my Higher Power... I was not a born liar. I take that very personally because it is flat out wrong.
A born liar would never tell the truth whether they were sober or drunk. All they would know is how to lie.
During my active addiction, I lied to keep my lifestyle alive... I didn't lie because I was born that way. I lied because I didn't want to hear the disgust in my ex-wife's voice and I didn't want to argue about it.
If I was a born lair sobriety wouldn't have changed me and the only answer would have been divorce... and the only answer for every spouse who has an addictive husband or wife is to get a divorce right away.
The fact is, every alcoholic, addict, gambler, can and will tell the truth and live an honest life when they start a program of recovery.
What the spouse needs to do is protect themselves and not cover up or lie for their husband/wife. Yes, check out all credit reports and make sure they are correct.
If they aren't, will you follow through and press charges on your husband for fraud? The more you play games with him, the more he will lie... not because he was born that way but rather it is because of the disease...
Don't get sucked up into his games... protect yourself and go by an old saying that I love when confrontation comes, because it will...
Say what you mean and mean what you say but never say it mean...
Best wishes
1. You really shouldn't have a joint account with your Spouse.
2. He has PTSD having been in the Army. He is gonna freak out from time to time.
There is a PTSD support group here. Perhaps they can help you with your issues.