Financial Challenges Support Group
This community is for people who are struggling to meet financial obligations of any kind. Financial challenges include everything from the day-to-day challenges of making ends meet to managing credit card debt to bankruptcy. Get support from others who are going through similar obstacles on the road back to financial stability.
My partner and I have very different financial backgrounds. I grew up in a family with four kids and a single parent, well below the poverty line. He grew up the baby of three kids, two parents, dad made alot of money outside the home and his mother stayed home and did everything else.
We are somewhere in the middle. I stay at home and run an inhome private dayhome, which is currently in a slump, and he works outside the home. We aren't poor, but we are far from wealthy.
However, budgeting is needed. And no matter how many times I talk to him about it, sit him down, show him the numbers, listen to him whine about how we don't have enough spending money some months, and repeat again how if we saved we would, he STILL goes and randomly spends 40-50 bucks on a shirt, or 35 bucks on some bit of hockey equipment.
For instance, this weekend, he had to travel. This was a need, he goes up, stays with his sister, and then has an appointment at the transplant clinic, then comes home. Gas should of been the only cost. But he spent $200 up there! Only $70 of that was gas.....and now we are $75 in the hole, no money coming in until Friday, and I know he is going to be angry we are in the red.
But it was HIM who spent the cash that was meant to go into the account for bills. But somehow it will be my fault that we didn't have enough money.
How can I make him understand what budgeting is, and that he needs to follow it if it's going to work???
We are somewhere in the middle. I stay at home and run an inhome private dayhome, which is currently in a slump, and he works outside the home. We aren't poor, but we are far from wealthy.
However, budgeting is needed. And no matter how many times I talk to him about it, sit him down, show him the numbers, listen to him whine about how we don't have enough spending money some months, and repeat again how if we saved we would, he STILL goes and randomly spends 40-50 bucks on a shirt, or 35 bucks on some bit of hockey equipment.
For instance, this weekend, he had to travel. This was a need, he goes up, stays with his sister, and then has an appointment at the transplant clinic, then comes home. Gas should of been the only cost. But he spent $200 up there! Only $70 of that was gas.....and now we are $75 in the hole, no money coming in until Friday, and I know he is going to be angry we are in the red.
But it was HIM who spent the cash that was meant to go into the account for bills. But somehow it will be my fault that we didn't have enough money.
How can I make him understand what budgeting is, and that he needs to follow it if it's going to work???
I also let him know that if he want that $40 shirt, we have to cut it out of our grocery budget, it's hotdogs for dinner, not steak and no sodas or ice cream.
It may sound like I'm the evil bitch, but someone has to be the bad guy when it comes to budgeting. Luckily, he has finally come around to understand that our future depends on our ability to stay on a budget, get rid of our cc debt and save money.
In my "business", both my husband and I are on the Board of Directors, he is the COO and I'm the CFO. It works for us.
Aside from the obvious, I recently experienced one of the upsides a preparing and sticking to a budget.
A budget removes all the guilt of saying "NO" to a loved one's wants. Before my DH and I developed a budget, I always felt guilty about saying "no" when he wanted something that we couldn't afford. I didn't want to feel punishing or "mean", so I would reluctantly give my go-aheah (I am the keeper of the purse strings). That would lead to overdrafts and all kind of financial nastiness.
We were recently pushed between a rock and a very hard place. A budget became VITAL. We worked together to make a budget, discussed needs vs wants, what we could "sacrifice" in the name of more stable financial standing. This was the first time ever in our 10 year marriage that we were able to do that. (DH is disabled with depression and often gets overwhelmed when faced with financial problems - all this was heaped on my shoulders, and without help from him, I made bad financial decisions - more cc debt, payday loans, etc). I tended to insulate my DH from our situation for fear that it may worsen his depression.
But now, with a BUDGET, I can say "no" without guilt. Because WE decided what was in the budget and what was out. And both DH and I know what the priorities are. There is no more emotional BS tied to purchasing and spending. No more passive/aggressive behavior and guilting. It is wonderful. No more tension between us, we are on the same team. WONDERFUL.
So while I have MOST of the control...I pay bills, budget in groceries, decided if we can go out together on a date or whatnot, he still spends those amounts without thinking. It's like he can't admit to himself we need this.
My husband told me he wanted to trade his car in and get a new one so I said great, as long as we sell the 1st one and keep the monthly payments comparable...so what does he do? He uses $700 to hold the car, pay for plates, pay the 1st month's premium....then tells me....so I have 1-stress due to $700 less money to pay bills 2-stress to help sell the car and keep him on track to get it sold asap, signs, word of mouth, craig's list etc 3-aggravation that we definitely did not work as a team
Need I continue?.......
I am tired of making up analogies and getting spiritual etc
I am tired of struggling
I am tired of fighting
I am tired of being angry
more to follow, I'm sure....