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ex going to jail

babyrena
babyrena
I am going to take over the payments of the car. And he is bringing stuff to me to put in storage.
I don't know how I am going to do this, only with my work and then my SO just now getting a job, but it will help us out and give us a smaller gas bill, and save on the use of the truck.
Thank goodness we are going to be floating above water a little bit, my SO job is for a little while, probably end in Sept or October, whenever it starts snowing around here. In the mean time he is looking for more permanent work
I am thinking of going to my tribal credit for a loan of $500.
It will be a step backwards, but in the end we will have a little bit of breathing room.
I am continuing to make my monthly payments and making an effort on not getting behind. It's hard after being sick for a month. But with a little sacrifice and a lot of determination I will get there.
I am thinking about looking for a better high paying job, with little to no experience I have only been getting to have minimum paying jobs. Never succeeding to higher paying jobs at all.
I keep waiting for a raise here, but they say we won't get one. I am barely making it from pay day to pay day.
any suggestions? confirmations? ideas?
otherwise I am just venting :)
billwfriend
billwfriend
well I am sure that getting a loan will not get you out of debt but might take heat off something....but then it needs to be repaid too....jobs are hard to get and good jobs do not come too easily....keep looking and looking all the time....it can surprise you to get interviewed for a great job and then the big thing is to get hired....
Messenger2010
Messenger2010
Wow... just me, again me personally... I would never take over payments for my ex... no way... I owe nothing to her in that regard.

I did years ago, have to make payments on a step-son who went to jail, I think I made three payments and then sold it. Was he mad? Yes he was. So what! If he was that concerned with his car he would have never ended up in jail. When the car sold, I took out the payments I made and then gave him the rest.

I'm not a bank and at that time every penny I made needed to be accounted for.

What I have learned is that getting loans to cover expenses does nothing except get me further in debt and adds on another monthly bill...

Like I have said before, I am at a point in my life where I want money to work for me, I do not want to work for money. Getting loans and making payments means I am working for money and I don't want that at all...
deleted_user
deleted_user
Let them repossess his car and you can call them and tell them he is back in prison and won't be paying and where the car is and they can arrange to pick it up to repossess it.

DON'T MAKE PAYMENTS ON HIS CAR. You don't own it and you will never see the money again. He can arrange for any of his friends to pick it up while you are sleeping and sell it for him, and you have lost that car. Don't put yourself in that position.

I wouldn't even be storing his things.
billwfriend
billwfriend
I agree voluntary repo is what to do..let them have it take it to the dealership and give them keys tell them it is for repo voluntary....he is never going to give you the title and he never needs to pay you money you paid in back....screw his credit he is ex and a criminal....let him know....
hollygrove
hollygrove
I agree with what everyone's said. We taught our daughters from day one about "consequences for your actions" . If they forgot to take homework to school, I didn't follow the bus so I could give it to them at the school. They learned the lesson quickly. It's never too late to learn this, and sometimes we are the teachers.
Desigol1979
Desigol1979
Could you please explain 'Tribal credit' to me? Is that a Native American Credit Union, by any chance?

Educate the Non-American here, please?
babyrena
babyrena
yeah well taking over payments on his car isn't going to happen anyways. My SO didn't get the job so we won't be able to take over on the car payments anyway.
I still did go get the loan, for $500, it will automatically be deducted from my paycheck each month, and I will pay it off in 6 mos.
I am trying to make reachable goals and not over do it with my bills, but I am getting more and more in the hole each month its enough to make me go crazy.
but I am backing off and saying no to a lot of things.
a lot of it has to do with self control. and denying everyone until I can get my finances under control. I know I can do it. i just have to work at it.
I hope I can do it though.
babyrena
babyrena
as a tribe we are a soveriegn nation, our own entitiy, our tribes monies stay here on the reservation if at all possible, we still do business with surrounding communities, and the government, but if at all possible we most of the time try to keep tribal monies for ourselves.
So It's money from the tribe that I am getting a loan from. It's our own private loan office, but you must be tribal member to get the loan, and/or married into the tribe.
that is my understanding.
babyrena
babyrena
seriously thinking about voluntarily repossessing the truck. I don't want to, but that looks like what is going to happen along with his car too since he is going to jail. It sucks but i can still yet save for a vehicle in the future.
I hope I will be able to figure something out in the near future, because one of the requirements of my job is to have transportation.
Messenger2010
Messenger2010
Maybe try going to a dealer and trading it for a different more affordable truck, which might lower monthly payments to something you could afford...
Desigol1979
Desigol1979
Sounds like codependency regarding your ex.

Don't bail out your ex! END OF STORY! There comes a time where he will have to fend for himself. (I am only just beginning to stand on my own two feet)
babyrena
babyrena
co dependency has a lot to do with it. I know I owe him nothing, and I never expect anything in return from him. He is a lonely soul and I try my best to help him out in any way I can, mostly for the sake of our daughter. He is an alcoholic full time one at that. But my daughter thinks the world of him. I have set some boundaries but yet have to decide what is best for all concerned.
There is a lot that is unsaid here, and I will leave it at that. But my main goal is to give him some encouragement, and be there as much as I can without jeapordizing my own family and my daughter. It's really hard to explain, but I have my reasons for what I do for him, and I struggle with my own finances too. And I hope he gets the help he needs soon. I encourage him to seek treatment every time we talk, but he says he is never going to sober up, and to me that means he will most likely dye from alcoholism. I have asked him to set up something in case he does so I can take care of my daughter in the possibility of his death. It's sad I have to think like that but it's very real.
Just sharing a little bit more so you all can understand.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi babyrena: If your ex is an alcoholic not willing to be financially responsible, it's even more reason for you to watch your finances because you digging in for loans for him and helping him financially won't go far if he is dead. It also won't help you pay the loans back or get you paid for monies owed to you.

An addict doesn't usually get help until they reach rock bottom and if you enable him, you stop him from reaching rock bottom. There is a group here called Family and Friends of Addicts (Alcoholics and drugs). click on the green site below and it will take you to that site. Get it on and listen to what the people tell you. they know.

http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Families-and-Friends-Of-Addicts/support-group
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