I suffer depression from PTSD, so... the emotional/psychological stuff is a longer harder fight for *me*. But... I've lost a lot physically,t oo, and it adds in to the emotional stuff. I hate hate hate being unable to work, etc. b/c I hate the loss of independence. I don't *need* independence at the moemnt ,but... Yeah.

Oh, it's a can of worms.

It's a bucket of never ending crap.

Emotional but i also have severe PTSD, Chronic severe depression, BPD Before any of this started and the physical started when i was 18 and ill be 33 tomorrow. But the being judged by others and being isolated with the pain is by far the worst

It sucks. And add a stressful event or a bad chronic stress to the mix? Yikes.

Daily I try to remind myself (if I'm lucky to remember it) to be kind to me, to stay calm and try to tone down my pain by any means possible. And to do some small things to try to lift myself out of the fear/anxiety/depression.

I try to focus on just today. If I have enough food for today on hand, and I have TV or a book or internet, that's the basic stuff. I could also take a walk, sit at a cafe to be around people. If a good friend has time to see me (not as often as I need), well fine. Not being able to drive at night, not being able to show up, that's hard. I try not to suffer about it. I mean, what can you do if you don't have the energy anyway or are in too much pain to go out, even if you had someone else to take you?

I just try to keep life as simple as possible, as real as the fibro is real. And look for the bits of sunshine, the tiny moments of excruciating beauty that can be seen out of the corner of one's eyes.

I still look for work when a friend or relative mentions a job they've found. I have to remind myself (gently) that no, I've tried working, many times after becoming ill with fibro and the two don't mix. That is the hardest thing: giving up work. Very hard. Crushing, even.

Well today I saw a funny movie and it has made me calm for the whole afternoon and evening. The Big Sick. (I was married to three kinds of foreigners---so much for exotic romance! However, I'm over 60 and I'm ok with the idea of no more romances--I'm not looking).

This week I had shin-splintz pain, a 8/10 for 48 hrs and it wasn't relieved at all by pain meds and only helped a tiny bit by heat. Very humbling. I swear we, with fibro, are fantastic, courageous human beings. And that's all the ambition I need: to be the best human being I can be.

It takes courage to deal with our reality. Hope you get a reprieve, however short, from either/or.







Hope you find some relief from either/or. Courage!

I think when you first realize there's something wrong with you and the whole process of getting diagnosed and then maybe for a year or so after as you're going through the trial and error of seeing whether there's any med they can offer you that might help take the edge off - all that time the physical issues are the worst because you're still learning how to live with it so you're still probably trying to hold on to your job and your friendships and whatever romantic relationship you've got going on and all that and you convince yourself you won't change how you live your life and some medication will work and you'll be able to carry on with no problem.

After that though, I think the emotional pain really starts to set in... you sort of become used to the aches and pains and all the rest because it's your day to day and you no longer know any different and the longer it's been that you've been sick the less you remember what you were like before you got sick... but as time wears on other people in your life start to fade away and if things get bad for you you've likely had to quit working which means no more independence or even just an outlet for socializing and you wind up giving in more to it because you're spirit is down and you just don't feel up for doing things you used to want to do because you know how much worse you'll feel if you push through and do them so... yeah I'd say emotional pain eventually overrides the physical in a sense. I mean, the pain is ever present and there's always some combination of other stuff happening to make your day less than delightful but I think if you have people in your life who still value spending time with you even if it just means sitting on your couch not doing much else because they want to support you, and you can still have some semblance of the things you used to then it's probably easier to cope with the physical stuff a bit better.

I just want one week where my husband's minor "owie" doesn't piss me off, if I may be blunt. "Whine whine I have to do all these stretches to keep my knees healthy"... Dude, I wish I could do that much and it was only one knee... He realizes but he forgets. B/c I don't say "whine whine ow" every time I feel any pain, or I'd never say anything *else*... *sigh* OK, that' sthe part that sucks most for me. Marriage to someone that healthy, who is wonderful otherwise, but reallllly forgets to not bitch about a twinge in hi sknee when I've got a twinge in my whole dang *body*

It is so hard. I feel like I'm losing my marriage and life, and eventually my kids, and well everything you said. Hugs and prayers for much better days ahead.

I have three doctor appointments in the next two weeks. I'm so used to being put down by doctors that I'm terrified. That's driving my hopelessness. Even my eye problem, which strangers can see but not my eye doctor, is getting no help. A new g.p. won't want to prescribe meds I need. And a therapist will want to fit me into some category. I so want to quit trying to move forward. I'm really stuck.

What to do when you need nonjudgmental people to help you clear out and clean your house? I can't do it myself. Boyfriend is gone. One maid service wouldnt help with the clearing and said they'd charge $400 per room to clean around the clutter.

I hate doctors it's always the same thing, how are you feeling (really?), just pop a pill for pain, to sleep, or to eat, or to prevent constipation, and you shouldn't have that side effect from that drug, just rest more and don't exercise (so I should stop walking altogether?), and the one heard most often~ it's probably just your fibro (said to any and everything that is wrong).

With that said, I hope your appointments go surprisingly well.

Can of worms is right, sigh...

I read your post, Worfgangminerva, and went 'yep', 'yep', 'yep', 'yep', you've hit the nail on the head. I don't know how much of my life-misery is fibro related and how much down to other things (muscle problems, weird allergies, mind mush, complex PTSD, life in the pooper, it just goes on and on). I read everyone else's and also had that 'yep, yep, yep' feeling.

I'm beginning to think it's all a big ol' bowl of mangled up spaghetti I can't untangle. I do know that as my pain and fatigue has got worse it's taken away so many of my coping skills to deal with other things, which can factor in on the pain and fatigue and a nasty case of catch-22 ensues.

So I just try and cope as best I can. Cope minute to minute, day to day etc. Do the things I can, no matter how weird.

And try (note I say try...not overly good at this) and be gentle with myself. Life is hard right now, so if I have to snooze 3 hours after getting up because it was so exhausting then so be it.

Gentle hugs to all

And we all are so hard on ourselves. I blame myself for the state my house is in. But I can only do the little I do. There is no one to come in to help, or judge. I judge myself. I still take good care of my dogs. They are happy. I still work a little. Not as much as even last year. I forget how to do things. I'm still trying to get some medical help. So I guess I haven't given up completely. Still fighting but wish I had even one person who would fight with me not against me. I really appreciate all the heartfelt responses.

Big supportive hugs Wolfgang,
Like pumpkin wrote I read the posts & all the responses & was like yep yep yep too.
I struggle with both physical & emotional equally & unfortunately they seem to play off of one another were when I'm stressed I get flares & times when I feel in too much pain & I can't do what I used to I get depressed. I also have other overlapping health & injury issues & Severe PTSD , anxiety ect.
I'm so sorry what youre feeling, but thank you for posting this it made me feel not so alone in this.
Glad you haven't given up & are still fighting, I am too. We're are all so strong
Gentle hugs <3

Huge hugs Wolf. I understand judging yourself. I have OCD and used to have a spotless home. Now I do what looks worse and leave the rest. I mop once a week instead of every day like I used to. I have my partner do a few things I can't but she often puts it off and then it doesn't get done. I can't seem to let go of who I used to be. I have lost so much and now it seems my partner doesn't even want to be home with me. When she is home she is either on her computer or sleeping. We almost never really talk and if we do we fight. I hate who I have become. The physical is hard enough but the mental is a form of torture. With PTSD and anxiety to add to everything else that is wrong with me I sometimes ask myself whats the point. But I try to take it one day at a time and at times it is one minute at a time. I fear the future.

For me, it's the fatigue and the overall feeling like crap. I can deal with the pain and I don't get depressed. The uncertainty of the future is also difficult to deal with--asking myself what will I do if I can't keep working? So, the stress of uncertain finances, etc.

Fibro is an endless deluge of suckage. People who've never experienced a chronic problem have no idea what you've gone through. Explaining it to them is impossible and feeling like no one understands you is very isolating. Prescription drugs are a joke. Doctors can be giant douche canoes, and all this is barely scratching the surface of what we deal with. For myself, it's the physical limitations. I am a social person and this has kept me from hanging out, having people over, and working like I used to. And, of course, that can get me quite depressed sometimes, but mostly it's the physical that holds me down the most. Being able to chat with people on sites like this has helped me a lot. Just knowing that there are people who really KNOW what it's like, makes me feel less alone. Hang in there.