I can look back and remember all those things I did so easily, but I can't remember what it felt like.

I just remember I used to work in tech support for a large law firm on five floors of a high rise, and I always took the stairs. And I used to run up then often. And then I walked a mile every day on my lunch hour, went home and changed clothes, and went to class, or took a child to whatever they were doing.

My life was extremely busy, the house was clean, and I actually had fun! After all of that, I wasn't exhausted.

I remember it, but I can't remember what it felt like. Maybe it's better that way?

Even after all these years I just think today I will be cured. Today the pain will be gone, but its not. Its always there reminding me its here to stay.

I dont remember what it was like to feel great, I visual me doing the things I use to do when I was young but thats it.

I dont want to remember, because I scream inside what the H___ happened. I search constantly for the answer, a cure but so far I failed.'

I also dont remember what it felts like to be painfree, I just remember a fun life I use to have and it makes me mad. I rather not think about it, deal with my life now and try to improve it. Of course now I feel like I am failing at improving my life, I have lost the drive I use to have but each day try to talk myself back to getting motivated. Motivated to just live.

I wish I would have appreciated my health when I had it. I worked 12 hours at my own business and still fit in time for kids and family activities. I miss the income too, my medical bills and prescriptions were minimal and I had plenty of money to pay for them. I was sick in my twenties, thirties and forties but each time I was put on steroids for several months and recovered completely. Now I can't get my doctor to prescribe them long term to try and see if it will work again. I feel like I am forced to search for answers to try and get another diagnosis that will be treated.

Maybe you guys are right, and it is better to not remember.

But each time I start feeling a little better (usually because I'm doing less) I start beating myself up saying, if I just push a little harder I could work again & things would get back to "normal."

Then some small thing will lay me low for a week.

Guess I'm just frustrated with all these storms lately, the pain is getting me down.

Thank you all for such great support. {{{HUGZ}}}

Not long ago, I had a dream where I found myself completely pain free... like a child, though adult. I started running without effort... jumping, climbing, etc. It was wonderful. But of course, not as wonderful to wake up in this still too mortal body.

I don't ever remember being pain free. But I remember a time when I was able to work and go out afterwards and not pay for it for days. Now I feel like I am existing. I haven't been able to figure out a balance since after every task I have to lay down in between. At least before the flu last year I was able to work and have a bit of a life now I feel like everything has been taken away from me. Right now the weather has taken a toll on me and more snow is coming and my body feels horrible.

It is amazing I use to think my life was difficult working and ending up in pain on a heavy day of performing ultrasounds, and some weekends I would end up resting up but I would be able to go out to dinner. Now I can't even imaging performing an ultrasound I wouldn't be able to hold the probe for any length of time or to push a patient's gurney.

I Oh...healthy..I alwys think about these days when I felt healthy, pAIN FREE..As a mother of 2 grea wonderful children, I want to believe that one day it will be over. I'm going to be healthy again.

We have to believe

I got to experience pain free 2years ago. I had a histerectomey and right after the surgery I woke up and felt pain free I was like "wow this is great" What ever they gave me in surgery made me feel like I wanted to jump up and run around. But I had stiches to deal with. The pain free feeling was short lived but it was great while it lasted.
Its hard to believe that I felt my best after surgery. that is how bad fibro is that surgery feels like heaven compared to it!

Same like Peace.... I can remember everything I used to do and what a busy life style I had in the Marines, but I can't remember what it felt like.

I do remember feeling very ambitious. I had huge dreams ahead of me and big goals. I remember that I could focus on anything I wanted to, I could remember anything I read, looked at, and could solve just about any problem given to me. I also remember being very hyper active. Always bouncing around everywhere.... constantly in the out doors and unable to sit still for 5 mins. I couldn't even sleep the whole night through with out waking up all of a sudden compelled to go do something.

I miss my sharp mind and my strong body. I felt unstoppable and indestructible.

Ps. I remember I was also DRIVEN. It was like "Join me or get out of my way because here I come!"

lol.... yup the good old me. One day I hope to have that again. Deep inside I can still feel some part of it... a very dim light.... but if ever try doing something I'm driven to do.... oh boy.... not a good idea.

On that topic....in church Sun., my husband pulled a picture out of his Bible and showed it to me. It was me, age 25, 7 mos. pregnant with our first child, 4th of July at the beach camping!!! I was standing there in my bathing suit in front of our tent.

In the car on the way home, he said he liked to pull it out and be reminded of the fun, adventurous person I used to be. Now, that was sad to me!

Yeah, I used to be a lot of fun! I feel like that person is still inside me, waiting to come out.

I remember being busy, married at 21, 2 daughters by 22, working outside the house all week. I would clean my house every Saturday morning for 4 house straight. You mentioned what a chore grocery shopping is now, I totally relate. Back then I would do my shopping in 3 different supermarkets on the same day to get the items on sale in each store, omg I just got exausted thinking about that lol. I would take aerobics classes at the gym or dance to sweating to the oldies video at home. To me the way I remember feeling back then is normal. They were long busy days and I was always ready for bed at night but not dog tired like now morning, noon and night.

I always told myself I had my kids young so I would be able to enjoy life and put myself first when they got older as I would still be quite young. My fibro took hold just when my girls started driving and graduating from high school/going to college. It was like 'my job here is done' and now I can't do anything anymore! Sorry Iam going on, it is not fair and I don't want to be sick anymore either!

Wow achyellie, I could have writen your post except when I got sick my daugter had just graduated and my son was a junior in high school.

Lizzy. {{{HUGZ}}}. We just need to find a new way to be fun now.

I look back now... and do remember what it was like to just get out of bed... and feel good... I ran around all day doing chores, grocery shopping etc.. It can really depress you .... I am a neat freak... and now.. I have to walk by somethings that need to be cleaned.... its is just overwhelming for me to do that..... so much down deep dirt I can't get too.....

Yup.. I agree... You never know then what you know now..... and you think nothing like could happen to me..... well it did.....

These are good posts. It is comforting to know that people are going through what you are. I have had fibromyalgia since 1993-when people had never heard of it. It was only in my right shoulder and scapula from my job. I walked my dog for miles a week, and at a metropark. I cross-country skiied in the winter. Rode my bike also. I also worked 4 days a week as a dental hygienist, until 2005, when I went 2 days a week. In 2010 I had a Christmas display fall on top of me at my second job at the mall. I didn't know what overall body wide fibromyalgia felt like until the aftermath of the accident. Since this, I've had a whiplash and a fall. Now I long for the days of just "shoulder pain". But I keep thinking my body will eventually "heal", I try to keep some hope alive. Keep believing. Fibrohyg