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I have a "bf" that I need to deal with when my stress level decreases, meaning break up with. And I need to find a way to do it gently.
My current problem is, he seems to be a bit of a hypochondriac. He has rheumatoid arthritis but has not been to a rheumatologist for treatment. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure last year. He also decided that he may have fibromyalgia, "like I do". He got his cardiologist to give him a letter stating he can only work 32 hours a week, and seems to think this will help him get disability.
I have been avoiding answering his calls lately. He is aware that my dad is dying of cancer and that this has been a huge stress for me this week. He has left messages telling me that he went to a medi-clinic and asked to be checked for fibro tender points. He said he tested positive for a few and guesses we will now "fall apart together"
Today, he said in his message that he is so tired after working a shortened day at work, and now he knows what I mean by the extreme fatigue since he feels so tired. There was the obligatory "I hope you and your dad are ok".
I am offended for two reasons. First, he knows the seriousness of my dad's situation and that I have been very upset and stressed, but seems to think that I have the energy to listen to his whining. Second, I am offended that he is trying to have something that we all would give anything to NOT have. I would love to be able to work his 32 hours a week. I have lupus, sjogren's and fibro and try every day to lessen my symptoms, live a halfway normal life and avoid talking or complaining about it.
Most of the things I can think of to say to him are not very nice. He seems clueless about the callousness of his behavior.
Any suggestions?
(Sorry so long.)
My current problem is, he seems to be a bit of a hypochondriac. He has rheumatoid arthritis but has not been to a rheumatologist for treatment. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure last year. He also decided that he may have fibromyalgia, "like I do". He got his cardiologist to give him a letter stating he can only work 32 hours a week, and seems to think this will help him get disability.
I have been avoiding answering his calls lately. He is aware that my dad is dying of cancer and that this has been a huge stress for me this week. He has left messages telling me that he went to a medi-clinic and asked to be checked for fibro tender points. He said he tested positive for a few and guesses we will now "fall apart together"
Today, he said in his message that he is so tired after working a shortened day at work, and now he knows what I mean by the extreme fatigue since he feels so tired. There was the obligatory "I hope you and your dad are ok".
I am offended for two reasons. First, he knows the seriousness of my dad's situation and that I have been very upset and stressed, but seems to think that I have the energy to listen to his whining. Second, I am offended that he is trying to have something that we all would give anything to NOT have. I would love to be able to work his 32 hours a week. I have lupus, sjogren's and fibro and try every day to lessen my symptoms, live a halfway normal life and avoid talking or complaining about it.
Most of the things I can think of to say to him are not very nice. He seems clueless about the callousness of his behavior.
Any suggestions?
(Sorry so long.)
everytime he called or came over i would get sick to my satomach & get a head ache! so i called it off day after xmas so he could make other plans for new years!
i tried to be nice & leave on a good note ,but he keep calling & leaving message on news feed on FACEBOOK!
he came to my house=i would not answer door! he keep calling my phone standing out on the porch in snow! said he was going to sleep on my porch in a sleeping bag! i had to tell him i was calling the police! & i posted on facebook that i was calling the police!
i told him the truth iam too sick to be in a relationship were i feel guilty that i need & want someone in my life & except my illness= but i can't put up w/someone else illness & faults! i didn't tell him he drove me crazy w/the weird thing he did w/his eyes when he talked to me=CLOSED it was creepy i would say are you falling asleep! or made me sick to my stomach!
after the fact i found out! my intutions was right= he turned out to be a 7am alcoholic after work before he went to bed! always woke up w/symtoms of a hang over!=thats why he closed his eyes he was 1/2 drunk by 5pmafter he woke up started all over!
Just tell him! you don't want to be any a relationship! & good-bye! so you can heel! you have a hard road right now! & don't need extra undo stress!
sending prayers for you & your dad & angels to watch & keep you both!
oxo paula
Traci
On the other hand, there are hypochondriacs out there, Your instincts may very well be right.
In your case you are just dating, not married, and it sounds like you are being overwhelmed, you do not need another load to carry, and your father should be your highest priority for what ever time you have left and it sounds rather selfish of him, regardless of how he feels personally to not support you and "suck it up" for awhile. I know many of us on this board do.
His inability to support you when your father is so ill is a BIG red flag to me, so regardless of whether or not he is truly sick, you need to do what you need to do.
My advice would be to be as gentle as possible, but direct enough that he gets it that you are serious, And probably sooner rather than later, I believe once you have told him, your stress levels would likely go down. Trying to decide how to handle this has to be a big stress on you.
Do what it is you need to do and then leave his feelings to him, you don't need to carry his load.
Thats my opinion but follow your own instincts. I am sure you will get many good responses to this thread.
Good luck.
Traci, I know, I just hoped there was a better way.
Fibroguy, he has a lot of things going on healthwise, but has avoided getting properly diagnosed. But to assume he has it and then act like he does, adding that this makes us the same, just irks me. And you are absolutely right, his feelings are his. I forgot that part.
Thanks, again!
Well, she continued to do this to all my specialist. I would try not to tell her my doctors or my symptoms, but she would find out all she could from family members.
Then she found a disease that she could claim she had, fibromyalgia. Now, I here all about her synptoms and how I could better handle it. She may have it, but she has given me reason to find it hard to believe. She still goes to a couple of my doctors with hert supposed symptoms. It doesn't affect her activities,
I just can't understand why anyone would want to seem to have this disease. I understand when we were both young, that she thoughy I was grabbing attention, but she is 40, me 52.
There are people out there that are like this. I don't understand it,
I wish you luck.
One more thing though. I have been married 39 years. He understands all of my illnesses beter than any one. There have been times that when he is ill, he can not lift a finger or stop talking about it. When he is better, he gets up and moves.
I thing some guys are just babies and want to be cared for.
He has been wonderfull though. Many people like me, are divorced because thjey do not want to put up with an ill person.
Just weigh your options. If he is driving you mad with anger, than do what you must. Some want the attention on them and others are babies.
Gentle hugs!
Good luck!
Over the years I've heard so many stories about Mother-in-Laws, friends, sisters and significant others claiming to have FM to get attention. It's really sad.
If you haven't seen him in person for a while then I would just tell him you need a break and need to focus all your energy on your dad. It would delay any argument hopefully and give you more time to think of how to handle it.
Sending hugs to you and your dad.