I didn't say that to play with his emotions. I said it because I was trying to talk myself out of actually leaving him. I feel like leaving him because he treats me like we're actively going through a divorce and constantly telling me what's *his* and *mine* all the time. I told him, I'm sick of it. Why am I even wearing his last name then? Are we NOT married? If everything has to be split up with his and mine, then I should take his name off and he should move into the other room and we should make it a legal separation. Since he feels he should never have to ask me about any decisions especially if it pertains to HIS things, like HIS car. I'm tired of being treated like a divorcee. I'm not playing these games anymore. I'm done.

When he wants to start treating me like a WIFE, then we'll talk.

Blue, I hope today is starting out better than the last couple of days. Prayers for you.

So far my cold isn't too bad. I'm not sure if it's allergies or a cold, at this point. My eye is feeling much better. It mostly hurts if I squint. I think I'll be going to church, but I'm pretty exhausted to do so. I have 2 days left to rest before I go to my son's.

Big football Sunday today. I surely love this time of year. I have loved football since I was about 9 years old. It has always helped take my mind off of bad things. It helped me get through my years of abuse as I was growing up. That might sound strange, but it's true.

Time to get out the heating pad for my back. You guys have a good day.

Good Sunday morning,

Leo I hope you take Fantods advice on the insurance term for coverage on loss of use. I pray today is good for you and that you get through this stress. big hugs

Ida, sorry about the cold, pain, and exhaustion. I hope today is better for you and church doesn't bother your pain too much.

Blue, I am praying for you and I'm so sorry for the way that ass is acting. I would love for him and my hubby to go through a bootcamp on how to treat their wifes. I mean full blown ass kicking and hardcore crap for the way they treat us. Big hugs and lots of prayers for your strength and encouragement today and always.

bbmom, I'm so glad you checked in and let it all out. You know we care, and sometimes that helps just letting it out to those that truly care and understand. I sure hope today is better for you. Big hugs!

Angela, the costumes sound adorable. My girls found a few they want for their puppies when we were at Target. I can't afford them right now, but hopefully we can go back and get the ones they want. Have a good day, I hope the rain has stopped so you can do laundry.

I better get dressed, we need to leave for church in 10 mins. lol. By the way I hate my hair so far. I need a lot of practice on how to make a short do like spunky and cute. Struggling

First i will say, Ida i am with you! YAY FOOTBALL!!!!!! GO PACK GO!!!!! LOL I am just a tad bit of a foot ball fan, my great uncle was a Green Bay Packer so of course im a fan! (Champ Siebold) I know what im doing this afternoon! Making popcorn, having a diet coke and watching my football! I need a bigger tv now LOL

Twin Sometime this week ill do a photo of Abby in her tutu pumpkin dress i have i got it for 2 dollars after halloween on clearance last year! Then you can show your girls :)

I am drained i way over did it last night, started with Dad came at 5 i made him frozen ravioli but made the meat sauce myself, i buy the cheese ravs they are really good for a frozen food but want to try making them myself one day! We ate on the porch the sun came out and it got up to a whole 65 deg LOL i did laundry, dad vacumned and i dragged my halloween decorations out, now i have not decorated for any holiday since my husband died. Well all the decorations were brand new i forgot i had them got them 90 percent off one year. Very nice but after i decorated the living porch and my door to the hall way and my patio door i ran out! Oh well! I am paying for it big time last night and today pain wise thats for sure. In a few going to sit on the porch with abby on her lead line and have my coffee. I hope you all have a good day!

twinmom, glad you went to church. I went too, and we had an especially good Bible study after worship. I got voted leader of our table so I had to keep on my toes today. But it went ok. Hope you aren't in too much pain. Sorry you and blue have continued troubles with your husbands. Once in a great while, my hubby says something dumb, but most of the time, he's very supportive. So I cut him some slack. For you guys, it happens way too much. So sorry.

Yes, Go Pack Go, Angela! Can't wait for the game to start. 10 more minutes! Glad you were able to decorate. Good for you.

Aloha

9/11............. Hard to believe it's the anniversary already....... :(

I want to thank everyone for your prayers and support. It means the world to me. I'm so glad I have you all. Sorry for all the ranting and raving yesterday and if I've upset anyone in the process. I was feeling very hurt. Still am. Had a few crying spells yesterday. One of them was so embarrassing. My husband was out hiking and I called his best friend who works in tourism here to ask about B&B's on his side of the island. Next thing I know I was crying uncontrollably on the phone. OMG. The guy: "Hey, are you OK? What's going on? Where's J?" Then persistently tried to convince me to come out there so he and his kids could keep me company till I felt better. I was thoroughly embarrassed.
Went to bed early last night because I was falling asleep at everything I did. Then rolled over in the middle of the night to find my husband sleeping next to me!? I thought I was clear I wanted space!! This man never respects my wishes! I'm locking the bedroom door tonight! Grrrrrrr
Don't know if I can convince myself to go to church. What if I have another crying spell in the middle of the service?

Acupuncture tomorrow. I'm thinking of canceling my PTSD therapy for the rest of the year. Perhaps pick up in Jan. Maybe the timing isn't right, there's too much going on and I feel like I'm getting beat up emotionally.

Ida, yeah, my husband was super supportive when we were dating. In fact, that's why I married him. He treated me like I was royalty. I thought I landed a REAL Christian man! We had to do everything the right way. No living together or sex till marriage, etc. He was a sweetheart. "Oh, let me get this for you... let me get that for you... let me get the door.... let me get your bags....." Now it's well that's *your* stuff so it's *your* problem. Congrats on getting voted leader of your table yay! I'm glad you have football to help you. Enjoy your big day!

Twin, can you post it in your avi? I'm dying to see your do! Yes, I do wish we could send our husbands to a bootcamp! I told him he needs to learn how to be a husband and how to treat me like a wife and he looked at me like a deer in the headlights.

Angela, cheese raviolis sounds yummy. I'm sorry you overdid it, though. I hope you get some rest today.

Blessings, everyone....

Three PM and I am alive despite the best efforts of the lunatic I married. He said, "Take all of today to play with your lap loom and read, you're exhausted". Awwww... Then he calls every fifteen minutes from the house. >"Where's the broom, where's the mop, how do I rewind the cord on the vacuum (it self-winds, push the lever that says "WIND CORD")..." I finally wound up *walking* home (it's about a mile) PTSD and all, and announced, "You hae lived in this house since 2007 and I have not moved any cleaning supplies that whole time, what do you REALLY want?" Turned out.. Company. *facepalm*

Soooo.... since that's my "biggest" spouse problem.... Twin, Blue, send your men to *mine*. He knows the way to do it. My dad had a loaded shotgun in the living room and my hubby asked his *blessing * (not his permission) to marry me anyway! my violent, angry snarling dad... And he still opens doors (mostly) and says thank you for meals (mostly) and well, I was blessed. Maybe keeping Marriage for Dummies on the shelf all these years as a remidner eally did work? I dunno.

BTW, he will still occqsionally try the "Your things, your clean-up" thing. I remind him if I played that way, he'd never have cooked meals or clean underwear. Tends to readjust his persepective. I remember about 20 years go, I told hijm, "If you wanted to marry a housekeeping w8ore, go order a mail order wife from Asia, and I'll find a real man." Nasty, but we were separated at the time, and that did make the point.
I really wish they put "respect" in the vows. Cherish me, sure, but *respect* carries through a lot of crap.

I have positive news to share . . . I went on Friday to "interview" a new primary care doctor. I feel like we can have a very productive professional relationship. I was very careful not to personally insult anyone who has worked on my case thus far, but very clearly stated that I felt like things have not been handled correctly. When she understood that I had been complaining of leg pain since April, and no one had even Xrayed the leg she was flabbergasted!. Then, after reading the MRI results indicating a back problem, she did the exam of my leg. My pain is not following the nerve pattern coming out of my back. My pain, including sensitivity to touch, follows the line of my femur bone! So she immediately ordered xrays from my hip to below my knee. Now I don't know if they showed anything, but while going over the Xrays, the tech came out to make sure I was comfortable and offered me the option of sitting in a chair vs laying down, which I have never had happen before. I also have to have some other testing run. My new doctor asked me why I had not been sent to pain management yet after 5 months of level 8-10 pain? I told her that since being diagnosed with Fibro the prior practice had labeled me a chronic complainer because they don't really "believe" in it, so whenever I actually go with a problem I am not taken seriously. I point blank told her, "Hey, I'm not a doctor. They sent me t a Rheumy who diagnosed Fibro after the huge University hospital had an inconclusive diagnosis of MS. I don't want to have anything, but I am having cognitive problems, speech problems and hallucinations, so clearly something is going on."
Doctor asked, "Did you tell them you were hallucinating on a daily basis."
Me, "Yes, they said it happens to people in severe pain."
Doctor, "So what did they do for your pain?"
Me, "They sent me to Pain Management. My appoitment is at the end of the month."
Doctor, "Mrs. Puppymom, do you mean to tell me that you told a medical professional, a Neurologist that you have pain so bad you are hallucinating and they didn't get you to pain management for another 3 WEEKS??"
Me, "Yes, that's right. I'm a little frustrated. And it's rather scary, not being able to trust what you see."
Doctor, "When was your MRI of your brain? Please tell me someone scheduled an MRI of your brain . . ."
Me, "Oh yes, I have that on the 16th."
Doctor, "Wait, what? You haven't even had an MRI of your brain yet? And you told them you were seeing flashing lights, having trouble speaking and hallucinating???"
Me, "Yes ma'am. You see why I feel this case has maybe not been handled correctly."

hello my friends, I am back, I was locked out because I forgot my password, and couldn't figure out how to reset, daughter, 14 y/o had to do it for me, Oklahoma is hot and I am ready for fall, I will try to catch up, and keep up, and yes I wrote my password down, so this won't happen again, unless I forget where I wrote it down

OMG, Puppy that is AMAZING! I am so glad for you! A doc with a brain! YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!
Jerrys, oh geez, aren't we all ready for fall by now? Whew.... Sweating it out. Glad to see you made it back!

Leo, awww he wanted your company? But couldn't he just say that before you killed yourself walking a mile? Yeah, if someone could teach our husbands how to be husbands, that would be cool.

Puppymom, that's so fantastic! I'm happy this new PCP will be fighting for the care you deserve.

Jerrysgirl, glad your back now. Sorry it's hot there, hope you can cool off.

I really wasn't sure church was a good idea because I feel shaky, achey, weak, and my ears are ringing like crazy. Plus, I keep feeling like my heart is going to jump out of my chest at any moment. Is this anxiety? But I pulled it together and went anyway. The sermon was encouraging. It was from Corinthians about all the different parts that make up one body and the body needs all those parts. He said God doesn't make "junk" parts. He desires us all. I needed to hear that. And then the pastor called all 1st responders to stand. Policeman, lifeguards, and a fireman stood up. Then the pastor called on me to stand and announced how I was at the Pentagon. Oh man, I was trying not to cry. I'm no hero. It's a heavy day for me and my emotions were shaky to start out with. We had a potluck when the service ended. A few people hugged me. The hugs were nice, but really I felt like crawling away and hiding. My husband kept trying to put his arm around me and I didn't want him to touch me. After we snacked on a few things, we left.