Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
As some of you know, I don't have FM but my wife does. She has been in a bad phase for about the last year. That is about the time my kids came to live with us full time (their mom moved to a different state and I was able to get custody). The stress of dealing with the headaches that my troubled 17 year old has been causing plus stress at work started her on the downward slide. Then boyfriend situations with her 17 year old daughter (my step-daughter) added to the stress. She hasn't been able to sleep well for a while. She has some nights that are better than others but for the most part, she is not sleeping well.
She has been desperately trying to find some kind of medication to help (amitryptylene, trazadone, Lyrica, Savella, etc). The side affects of the drugs were too severe (including allergic type reactions) so she is not taking anything anymore. The pain is making her depressed, the stress and lack of sleep is flaring the pain ... as I'm sure most of you know, it becomes a viscous cycle that feeds on itself as long as the stress is still there.
To add to the fire, her middle daughter, who is 20, has just informed us that she is no longer happy in her short 1-1/2 year marriage and wants a divorce. She is also currently seeing another man (and from reports we have received from other friends and her husband that know this guy, he has a criminal background and is a serious asshat). The daughter refuses to listen to anyone else and wants to be out on her own to "experience life" and become "happy". My wife and I are both worried sick about the situation ... I can deal with it, my wife is having a lot of trouble.
This latest bit of stress is pushing my wife over the edge. She feels like she is not strong enough to deal with this stuff. I can see the light that used to in her eyes dying. She is shutting down, getting more and more depressed, getting less sleep, dealing with more pain, and now has long periods where her whole body feels numb ... yet the pain is still there. It is scaring the hell out of me.
I am doing everything I can to be supportive and to help deal with this situation but I can only do so much. Add to that my 17 year old son being depressed and refusing to listen to me is adding to the problems and making it difficult fo me to be more supportive.
Any suggestions?
She has been desperately trying to find some kind of medication to help (amitryptylene, trazadone, Lyrica, Savella, etc). The side affects of the drugs were too severe (including allergic type reactions) so she is not taking anything anymore. The pain is making her depressed, the stress and lack of sleep is flaring the pain ... as I'm sure most of you know, it becomes a viscous cycle that feeds on itself as long as the stress is still there.
To add to the fire, her middle daughter, who is 20, has just informed us that she is no longer happy in her short 1-1/2 year marriage and wants a divorce. She is also currently seeing another man (and from reports we have received from other friends and her husband that know this guy, he has a criminal background and is a serious asshat). The daughter refuses to listen to anyone else and wants to be out on her own to "experience life" and become "happy". My wife and I are both worried sick about the situation ... I can deal with it, my wife is having a lot of trouble.
This latest bit of stress is pushing my wife over the edge. She feels like she is not strong enough to deal with this stuff. I can see the light that used to in her eyes dying. She is shutting down, getting more and more depressed, getting less sleep, dealing with more pain, and now has long periods where her whole body feels numb ... yet the pain is still there. It is scaring the hell out of me.
I am doing everything I can to be supportive and to help deal with this situation but I can only do so much. Add to that my 17 year old son being depressed and refusing to listen to me is adding to the problems and making it difficult fo me to be more supportive.
Any suggestions?
With your wife in such a bad place, and with med issues, is there any way she can be taken physically *away* from all this? My DH sent me on a week-long retreat with no computers, etc., only a cell phone that he alone had the number for. I aws able to cry, sleep, etc., on my own schedule and it did really help me deal with a bad bad bad family situation. It was great to know I didn't have to hear about it all for a week, I cuold actually relax. Or she can visit someone who can provide such a refuge?
I wish I had better/more ideas. Good luck, and I hope you'll keep us posted. I am glad you want to be supportive. It's a rare, good thing.
Hugs,
Leo
Per the troubled 17 year old. I was one of those once, and I know it's a tough place to be. He either needs to become health and healing partners with his new step mom, or be separated from her while they both heal.
imho
The kids know that their mom (or step-mom) has periods where she is grouchy, reclusive, and emotional. I don't think they really understand or are all that compassionate ... particularly the daughter that is wanting a divorce.
I'd send my son to live with his mom but she is a primary cause of a lot of his issues. Not a good place for him to be. It is a shitty situation to be in for all of us ...
Perhaps I can find some place where she can have a week to herself to get away from the stress. I'm sure she'd welcome being away from the stress of work and the drama our 17 year old is creating. But the issue with our 20 year old and the divorce and spending time with this undesirable guy .... that is going to be much more difficult for her to leave behind. Add to that the fact that the only place my wife can get a good night sleep is in her own bed (other beds are usually too hard and prevent her from getting a good night sleep). It would be better if we could go someplace else .... but school doesn't allow for that.
Definitely a mess ....
When I was 21, I admitted myself into a mental institution due to severe depression ( no suicide attempt, just didn't give a crap anymore). Now, I wouldn't recommend that to anyone since all they did was keep you from hurting yourself or others. I thought it would be round the clock counseling, but you were just babysat is all. Not much help depression wise, but it did get me away from my young children (I has a 3 and 4 year old) and all the harassing bill collectors (unemployed)....THAT was priceless and gave me the strength to pick myself up and carry on with my life. I just needed some time to breathe.
I completely understand the 17 year old thing too. Got one :-) Aaaand he's been asked to leave within the next 2 or 3 months because of repeated theft events & compulsive lying. Approaches me with lies and I never asked him anything!...just making up stories out of the blue such as telling me he recently put $1,500 in an interest earning account. He began the conversation...I never asked him about money or anything. Did he do that? No.
One time he told me he didn't have any money to pay the toll booth lady when he was visiting a friend, so she made him go car to car asking for change. My son said he got the money from someone selling them his IPOD headphones. Yesterday, I got a bill from the toll booth, um, people (he used my car) for both ways through the toll road...the money begging thing never happened.
Bigguy? You're a wonderful person to stand by your wife's side. You see your wife's pain as real and that's all the proof you need to believe her. I commend you for posting on this site as it shows genuine concern and love for her. Many many people can learn from your example.
I'm certain you are doing all you possibly can for her. Some things she does have to take care of on her own, but you can always hold her hand through the process :-)
Hugs to you both!
Pam