Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
hello there my friends!
remember the recent story i shared with you all about kicking the roomate out? and how we had to lend him $600 to get him out of our hair & tell him to pack up and get the fuck out....
well his last day here, he told me that he feels sorry for us because we don't want his help around the house... therefore kicking him out. not to mention that he said "At least i'm taking a college course and bettering my self.... i could call y'all in 5 years, and y'all will still be living here, moping around, limping around in pain!" (referring to me and my mom)
but as i explained before, it was always him calling ME FOR HELP when he got kicked out of where he lived.... when he got his car stolen in the midle of the night.... when he got kicked out of his AA program... etc
so guess what happened the other day?!! (after he finally got moved out) he calls and says it's an emergency.... oh great, another one? oh here we go again....
he says that he's down town Waikiki at the beach and his car got towed. nobody will pick him up...etc. so i tell him catch a bus! he says his wallet was locked up in the car, which is towed. ...fucking genius! i swear this guy is just one walking catastrophe, for some one who had the balls to talk down to me! and then he tells me he needs $190 to get his car out!!! ...what am i? A FUCKING ATM?! i don't htink so!
Matthew and i said f&ck it... let him sit there and suffer. screw him for treating us the way he did, and we STILL helped him after all that by lending him the $600!!! but eventually my bro gave in (feeling sorry for the guy) and lent him $100.
this dude is a parasite... not healthy for anyone. especially for someone with chronic pain. i think i have to come to the decision of cutting the friendship and only "deal" with him when it comes to him paying me back the money. other than that, I"M DONE.
input please! i would love to hear what you all think and advise.... i love coming here for your opinions!
remember the recent story i shared with you all about kicking the roomate out? and how we had to lend him $600 to get him out of our hair & tell him to pack up and get the fuck out....
well his last day here, he told me that he feels sorry for us because we don't want his help around the house... therefore kicking him out. not to mention that he said "At least i'm taking a college course and bettering my self.... i could call y'all in 5 years, and y'all will still be living here, moping around, limping around in pain!" (referring to me and my mom)
but as i explained before, it was always him calling ME FOR HELP when he got kicked out of where he lived.... when he got his car stolen in the midle of the night.... when he got kicked out of his AA program... etc
so guess what happened the other day?!! (after he finally got moved out) he calls and says it's an emergency.... oh great, another one? oh here we go again....
he says that he's down town Waikiki at the beach and his car got towed. nobody will pick him up...etc. so i tell him catch a bus! he says his wallet was locked up in the car, which is towed. ...fucking genius! i swear this guy is just one walking catastrophe, for some one who had the balls to talk down to me! and then he tells me he needs $190 to get his car out!!! ...what am i? A FUCKING ATM?! i don't htink so!
Matthew and i said f&ck it... let him sit there and suffer. screw him for treating us the way he did, and we STILL helped him after all that by lending him the $600!!! but eventually my bro gave in (feeling sorry for the guy) and lent him $100.
this dude is a parasite... not healthy for anyone. especially for someone with chronic pain. i think i have to come to the decision of cutting the friendship and only "deal" with him when it comes to him paying me back the money. other than that, I"M DONE.
input please! i would love to hear what you all think and advise.... i love coming here for your opinions!
I think that because we have had to be so strong for so long, there are just certain people who have their feelers out for us... someone who is strong, but caring and compassionate... and we often get taken advantage of.
When conflicts arise, we often find it easier to let things slide rather than confront needed issues because we know stress will cause our conditions to worsen. All these issues make us susceptible to dysfunctional people's bullshit.
It's sometimes as if we have this red blinking beacon locator light on our foreheads, pulsing out the signal: "USE ME... USE ME... USE ME..." The frequency can only be detected by losers and jackasses who cause MAJOR STRESS!
How do we turn that thing off? :-)
i had to end a friendship of 30yrs cause he abused me w/hateful words that can never be taken back or forgotten!
hugs
I have had to cut a numbers of people out of my life since I became ill so I could maintain some sanity.
You are doing the best you can, for you and for him. He needs to figure things out, he is a big boy. He is lucky your bro is still willing to bail him out. It one thing to find yourself in trouble, due to health issue, or just bad luck, but when one brings these things on them self, due to one own action time and again, and then expect other to clean things up for you, well that is just wrong. Plus this person is not giving you any thing in return, I am talking about, nothing more then being kind, thankful, and helpful in any way they can, to show how much they appreciate you and all you have done for them, when you didn't have to.
Well, you need to protect you self.
Sending you warm caring thoughts.
Gentle hugs, Sherrall
PD53310761 got it right on the money - there is a codependent relationship at work here and that's never a healthy dynamic. You are only responsible for your own actions - we all are - and that's something he's never learned. If he's rescued every time he fucks it up, he has no incentive to change.
So...you go girl. You're doing the right thing and taking care of yourself at the same time.
You're probably going to need support - the feelings don't go away quickly even when you're angry - so when you're feeling weak, talk to us. We'll support you all the way.
i also agree with PD53310761, as soon as i read AA the alarm bells ring, it's sad because alcoholics also have a disease they can't control, but making things so easy for them to take advantage isn't going to help them in the long run.
i was friends with a guy for 4 years, started out as a romance but that wore off the more he took advantage of me. he's in his 40's and alcoholic and still can't take responsibility for himself. he even had 'advice' for me when my 20 yo son was taking advantage of me financially, he told me to stop helping him out, but then this guy fell out with me when i refused to lend him any more money. i told him how dare he tell me not to help my son when he is just as demanding on me, i would always help out my son before anyone else. this was also after i had found out he had been stealing money out of my purse which he still denies, but i had set a trap and he fell for it so i absolutely know he did it.
he still rings me occasionally but i don't try to encourage him at all. the last time i saw him couple months back he only called round to see me because he knew i had alcohol in my house, and he took the opportunity to borrow a few quid off me, which he said he'd bring back the next day but didn't. Things will never change unless YOU stay strong and stick to your guns.
Take him to Small Claims Court to get your $. Even if you don't collect, the lien should follow him around until he pays up.
mom and i agree that the friendship is CUT. and i talked it over with my bro, he thinks that unless we just leave him to suffer his own mistakes, he will NEVER learn. so that's the last time he EVER helps him with money. and of course neither will I. enough is enough! like i told my family, "why should i have to pay for HIS problems and lack of responsibility??" he's a generation older than me and should be able to care for himself!
this guy will for sure call in the future for more "emergencies" but none of us will ever answer. i'm not playing his game anymore. i got my own problems to deal with!
the friendship is officially OVER.
Be done with him hon.. or it WILL be never ending.
Vik
The final truth is that if you refuse to rescue him eventually he will stop calling you for help because he will find someone else to bail him out of whatever situation he falls into. I'm a big softee always ready to help when someone needs it but finally I learned. I know it's hard, I've been in the same situation and finally I said no, period. No explanation no backing down, just the word NO.
Today my pain in the but person is doing just fine and all without my help. So unfortunately the only thing left to is cut your pain loose. And honestly you should you should consider the money you have given him gone because trying to recover it will just bring you right back into his life and turmoil. My thoughts are with you, good luck...hugs jilly
Cut the ties.