I read many feelings in your post. Some are the ones that come from your head, others come from your heart,if you know what i mean. I understand how you feel and I think that we have all felt many of them, if not all, at one time or another. But, I think your assessment is clouded by how you are feeling. I don't think you will never have a life. Not at all. I honestly believe that we can all find medicines and strategies to manage the fibro so that we can feel reasonably well. Well enough to live a good life. Knocked down, once, many times, but we can't give up. We simply have to get back up and keep at it. If I had given up when I was bedridden! I am doing so very well now! With doing well comes everything else.

Dear Luna...please don't apologize for sharing your feelings, b/c that's what we're all here for. You are not crazy or wrong to feel the way you do, either. In fact, it's all perfectly normal.

Fibro has taken from us what we envisioned our lives to be. I can't imagine having this at your young age....I was in my 50's when it hit me hard. You have it extra hard, I think.

You've lost not only a healthy body, but a relationship with another that apparantly you were very close to. You have 2 things to grieve over. And that's what we do with fibro....we go through the grieving process. Just know that you will come through that process, and things will get better than they are now.

If this person left you b/c of your illness (or for whatever reason), then it's really good that you found out now rather than when you were deeper in. It just shows what is truly in his heart, and you wouldn't want someone like that anyway.

There's someone out there who will love and care for you even with your fibro. I believe there's someone wonderful for you, and God will bring him into your life at the right time.

Meantime, I'd take this waiting time as a time to learn how you can help yourself some with this illness. Read and learn much about it. Develop friendships here or if you go to church, that would be a great place to meet great people.

I know it's easier said than done, but I know with God's strength, you can do it. There are people your age here on DS, maybe you could connect with them, if you haven't already. I'm always here to listen and maybe give some "old folks advice" if you ever would like me to. Plus there are so many others that care about you here and are so good at encouraging.

Take care, and know that I'm saying a prayer for you.
Hugs,
Elizabeth

I am so sorry you lost your love. It happens mostly when women are sick. Some men can stick it out, but they're rare. Some days I say that and feel that fibro has ruined my life, all that I could have had and been. Well, it's too late now, I'm 72. If I were 20 ish I'd vent, also.

I've had my life, my kids, my loves, (wrong order). enjoyed being healthy and since my 40's, have had to deal with this. Wish I could say it made me a better person at least. Just not true. I hate it, always have.

You need to focus on what you can do for yourself, not the neagative.

My heart goes out to you, because your story has many similar elements to mine.

I lost a 20 + year marriage because my spouse didn't want a sick wife, my (now adult kids) live 3 time zones away, and my LTR partner moved on SO QUICK my head is still spinning from it. I have no local support group of family. My friends are still full on into their careers and activities. I am too ill to pursue nearly all the activities I had considered ongoing fixtures in my life.

There are days when I feel condemned and days when I do not. I know that getting ill was not my fault, and that on good days, when I pace myself, I can still find meaning and joy in my existence. I try and view this as a challenge, as a puzzle to slowly try and solve.

One of the things that has really helped me is to start receiving professional help for my psychological struggles about this. I go to cognitive behavioral therapy every week, and I take an anti-anxiety med.

We at DS can be your supporters. We all come here to give and get that.

But professional help can help us find our peace and acceptance as well. Consider seeking this.

You've gotten lots of kind words and good advice.

I just want to add that these are the very issues counseling can be helpful for. We've all been through the stages of mourning for the life we had, or the life we should have had. Many of us have cycled through some or all of the stages more than once.

A good counselor can help you to see things more clearly and find the possibilities rather than just focusing on the losses.

I quite literally owe my life to the three remarkable women who have been my counselor at different times over the years.

I think you've gotten great advice here, but PeaceN2You's and Letitbe's advice about counseling is what I'd like to concentrate on. I have been waiting for 6 weeks to get my first appointment to see a new psychologist at my HMO. First, it was a month, then he had jury duty and I had to wait another 2 weeks. I will finally see him this week.
When I made the appointment, I was in a big crisis that was caused by a side effect of a medication I was taking. I was terribly depressed and seriously felt like killing myself (that's the side effect, suicidal thinking).
As usual in these cases with me, the delay has somewhat taken care of things, but I am still depressed at all I have lost and my brain just wants to 'go there'. I don't. This is the one situation where I think a little denial goes a long way. Probably others here and psychologists would say no, but I have found that simply ignoring my situation is somehow the thing that helps the most. I think of it as sort of a placebo effect. If I pretend that I'm not as sick as I am, I can handle it better. I'll see what my new psych thinks of my technique. So far, it's the only thing that has helped me tolerate my situation.
I combine that with an attempt to focus on the things I can still do. I sometimes tell myself that it could be much worse. God, I could be blind or something, or paralyzed from the neck down. Some folks, again, will say that this isn't a good idea, that you should never compare yourself to anyone else, but in this case, it's what helps me. Everyone has they own personal, weird techniques for dealing with the enormous changes in our lives.
Like Fibrolizzy I was in my early 50's when this hit me hard. It had been coming on for many years, but it was so subtle that I wasn't aware of it, just learned (or tried to learn) some new coping skills. Things were so vague, I didn't even mention it to the doctor. I had lost a baby to stillbirth and I kept thinking that I would get better over time. It turned out that the loss of my child, combined with several big stresses, was the precipitating event in the onset of the worst of the FMS/ME. I tell you all that to let you know that I can only relate to you up to a point. I am not in my 20's. I'm old and it's a different situation.
That said, I do understand the loss of a relationship. My husband left me about 13 years ago. We still see each other and he tries to help me out, but sometimes, I think it's worse to continue to see him. It just makes me think of what I don't have any longer and will never have again. When he tells me about his antics, and there are lots of them - he's really healthy, it again makes me think of the enormous losses I've had. So I get that feeling you have and I keep having it over and over again. I don't have any good advice for you on that. It's something I intend to take up with the psychologist this week. Maybe he'll have some advice that will hit me in the head and I'll just get it. But he's only a human being, after all.
In the meantime, I just take one day at a time, and hope for something to be developed that will help us all.
I totally understand your sadness, as you can see.

I am sorry about the lonliness you are having. My life is almost just like letitbe3's response. My husband left six years ago when I was in ICU. When I asked him about our wedding vows we made to each other, he said he didn't remember making any vows. Wow. When I think about it now, I really believe even if I was healthy, he wouldn't be here. I am at peace with him leaving and I am not bitter about the situation. My children are now grown and gone. Most of my family is 1200 miles away. We are here for you any time you need someone to talk to. Vent any time you need to. I also agree with the others, counseling can really help.

I really feel for you. Like the others I'm much older than you. I'm 55. I've been in pain pretty much every day for 9 months. I have some days when I feel that I can't take one more day of it. I'm lucky to have a very supportive husband. We've been married 5 years. He does all he can to help me cope. Many days I feel like a millstone around his neck. He's 14 yrs. older than me but in better health except for diverticulitis. He's having surgery this week and they are removing 1/3 to 1/2 of his colon. He will be in the hospital for a week and then off work 6 weeks. I just hope I can be there for him like a good wife should be. I take cymbalta & oxycontin for my fibro pain. It helps me function but that's it. I sometimes pray for God to take me home. Suicide crosses my mind but I would never act on it. Perhaps counseling will help you. It's worth a try. I'm so glad for this site. It's a place we can vent and people will understand. Most people have no idea what it's like to live with pain everyday. It affects all aspects of our lives. Don't give up on love at your age. You just need to find the right man. Hang in there! Hugs!

WOW thanks so much for all the support and comments I really appreciate it, I know i'm not alone . I think the counselling does sound like a good idea but I don't think I can afford it at the moment. Like I said i'm normally pretty positive it just some things knock you down and it' takes a while to get back up but i'm working on it.

Thanks again

Luna x