Hey we all need to vent some times. I have soap opera of a life. I am happy most of the time or I tell myself that because I can do nothing about it. I know my husband loves me. he holds my hands and says I love you , so I should be happy. It's just those drunk hurtful words that stick in my mind, like I am only here because people would think I am an ass if I left you when your sick. it all those lovely sweet nothings whispered in my ears. But then I understand you, It is hard raising teenage dtrs. I remember the moody wonderful teen years. I do not miss them . I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
I too have family that would like to pass a 93 year old nasty, nasty old woman onto me, I did my turn and took care of her now it is someone else's turn. She refuses to believe anyone but her can be in pain. So any way I am her for you if you need to chat okay. isabee

Wow, I need to stop complaining about my hubby so much. My heart goes out to you. My 4yo grandson has autism and through her I have seen how hard it is taking care of him and handle anything else. I can't offer you anything but an ear and hugs. So vent all you need to . In doing that you may even find some answers. HUGS

Hey there,

You are under an enormous amount of pressure!
Do you have friends or neighbors that you chit-chat with even if it is about the weather or what's on sale at the market? I know that sounds silly, but you sound in desperate need of normal adult conversation to remind you that you are not your problems, you are still you underneath all the stuff going on at home.

When your girls go to school, do you have the house to yourself? Can you take some time to rest? Rest may help that pain in your legs and feet and good rest will improve you overall feeling of well being, and I am sure you already knew that :)

I'm sorry for all the questions, just trying to get a better idea of things...Does your daughter who is on the Autism Spectrum receive any special services at school? Kids with Autism are pretty special people, their complex little brains work in ways we can not even begin to understand, and while that is one of their best qualities, it can make it one of the hardest at home, simply b/c their brains march to the beat of their own drum.
I guess I am a little concerned about her interest in ropes and pointy objects-she is young and may not understand the concepts of permanent damage to a wall, a door, a pet, etc...I am sure you have read everything there is to read about Aspergers, so I have no doubt you are already using all kinds of techniques to help with her behaviors at home. Sometimes though, kids may be eligible for at home occupational therapy so.It might be worth calling the school social worker about.
It may take some of the pressure off of you to have an extra hand assisting your way cool kid.
If you have the house to yourself when the girls go to school, I might also suggest calling your local hospital-I know you said no counseling-but most local hospitals have free Fibro support groups,free support groups for parents of kids with Autism, and many more...I suggest this only b/c you need to focus a little bit on yourself, you deserve it, and it would be great to have some 3D people around who are there for the sole purpose of listening to you. You deserve that much!
Take good care, and keep posting
LuLu

((hugs)) stress is our worse enemy and seems your life is overfilled with it right now.

First its not your responsible to take care of his mother, if he was an only child it would be different but you said he had 7 brothers and sisters, They need to take turns and not put all the pressure on him, he has his hands full.

I think when we all get stressed out like both of you are, he is now taking his anger of his world dealing with parents and work out on you and he doesn't mean to do it, Maybe try just have peaceful evenings at home.

For your child, I would take the video games away and if the child earned time I would let him play a few hours a week and that's it.
Maybe its time to bring out the old games like Sorry, Clue and Monopoly and even a deck of cards. Get a family game night going or get your children playing games with each other that aren't video.

I think maybe some good books might help also, even if you need to sit down and read them with the 10 year old, Imagination and books can ease the soul and bring peace to our inner selves for awhile.

Another thing you might do is get out a picture puzzle and let them work on it off and on, Its relaxing, maybe your husband will even sit down around the table and get involved. Its a good way to have conversation to when you are concentrating where that puzzle piece goes it calms you down.

Maybe you can get the 10 and 12 year old help cook dinner or plan some meals and get them involved with it,

Its okay to vent, I do it also, I don't think hes mad at you, he just frustrated with life and takes it out on you.

Tonight have the kids help cook set the table, get out the candles and make it a calming fun night around the table.

Fibrosucks, you have all my sympathy! Rant away!
My family dramas are pretty bad, but since most of the perpetrators are now dead, I at least have that relief. (And PTSD, but that's *my* rant!)
Honestly, I think a lot of us end up the Targets of COnvenience for people who are stressed and angry and anxious about their lives. He's probably not thrilled he has all those siblings bailing out on their mom (my dad was one of nine, same situation, ugh, there's an ulcer no one needed!)...
Sending you lots of hugs,
Leo

As always, great ideas here!

My 12 year old son is on the spectrum. As mentioned, I take the ipod, pc, whatever until he has done his chores.... There is quite a list! My son will scream and whine until he understands that he is not off the hook. I pay him a small amount and also remind him that it's his home, too!

I am sorry that things are hard on you and your husband... My hub is obsessed with work and has an attitude problem most days lately, too. Could you guys get a weekend break? Or just a nice date here and there? I think relationships have to have some alone time or you forget what you love about the person.

No buggin!! :) ((hugs))

First and foremost, I am sorry you are going through this and wish I had a magic wand.

Since I don't have a magic wand, I will offer what thoughts I have that might be helpful hoping that you don't take offense for daring to give advice because some of it will probably sound totally counterintuitive.

Pick your battles. First comes "working" on your husband because without a change in him, your stress will not go down and your support will not increase. Depressed men, stressed men get angry at their wives. The only way I can see him change is for you to say I can see that you are stressed, I see that you have so much on your shoulders, I see that you are working so hard for all of us, bla, bla, bla. Followed by I wish I could be more help, I wish I could make a lot of money, I wish I could take care of your parents, bla, bla bla. Avoid telling him about your pain other than just I can't (owe you the quotation marks).

If/when you see a physical change in him as in weight literally lifting from his body as you say any of these things, that is when he might be able to listen to your needs.

Wish it were different. But to me, he is in a hole and cannot see his way out. Until he can, he will not be able to lend a hand to anyone else or even see that anyone else is in a deeper hole than his.

My best wishes.

Watch is shoulders and breathe when you say supportive things.

Hey Fibrosucks,
This might seem like I am talking about you while you are in the room, but that is not the intent...

Jeninheels, Do you know anything about qualifying for or out of pocket Respite care for kids with different abilities? Income guidelines? And also Getting occupational therapy at home-does the school set this up? It's been a long time since I worked in schools setting up IEP's and I am rusty...have you used these services with your kids?

OK, Back to Fibrosucks,
Do you belong to a church or have any "Softball Mom Friends"? If you do now is the time to lean on them. Church ladies will jump at the chance to do a little house work and you will have so many casseroles in your freezer, you won't need groceries til December. Other Moms, if they know your situation will probably be willing to help with some laundry, maybe cook dinner once or twice a week. Let these people help you. There is no shame in accepting help during times of crisis.

I think right now, it might be good to focus on you and your health, and to do that you need help with the house and kids. Once you get some rest and feel better, you can deal with the husband. Just my opinion...

Keep posting, venting, updating
Best, LuLu

Hey guys, I am still alive, I think :/ Tired, achy, and sore for no particular reason. My Asperger's child does get services during the school year I.e. counseling. Softball will be over in another two weeks so maybe I can do some housework after that. Hubby is coming to grips with things, I hope. I think he has realised he isn't Super Man. His parents seem to be doing better which is good. I hope he goes back to work soon as I think that is really bothering him too. Until then, all I can do is hang in there. Things have to get better eventually...sigh.

Lulu, it is all pretty hard to get any help where I live. North GA hills, so many need help and there is just not a lot to go around. My son's IEP was such a headache.

Fibsucks, i am glad that your county is getting him the service he needs. I hope things are back to a good normal for you both soon!

Thanks Jeninheels...

I just did some reading and in order to get free Respite Care, you have to file for SSDI for your child.
There are plenty of retired RN's who do this in their retirement though if you want to pay for the service.

I hate the red tape people have to go through just to get basic services. Fibrosucks, Fibro really does suck, and so does social services. Grrrr....

You almost have to be a bad parent to get help. Geesh.

I've got two kiddos on the spectrum (high functioning - could be qualified as aspergers - but with the new HDM-5 out there, they got the high functioning label).

Anyways is there a way to look into your state for any kind of grant/waiver sort of thing based on your daughters disability? If so, that is where the money comes from to pay for any kind of respite care, programs, etc.

Most aspies in their teens don't need or require in home services, so it may be an extended care program - skills group sort of thing.

It is here where I find my own little "therapy" so to speak. When I'm taking the kids and just relating with the other moms. Venting, laughing, helping, crying, etc.

Also, since counseling is out of the question. Dealing with aging parents is stressful on a marriage especially for the main care taker. But maybe a date night, to help revive the old couple you used to be would help. Also knowing who your husband was prior and who he will be after the stress is taken away.

I know there is a lot on your shoulders right now. Keep coming here to vent. I wish I knew of a way to make the pain subside...I just know how to cope with it.

They wanted me to apply for SSDI for her and I refused as she already gets it from me as I am on disability. It hurts when you take your child to be evaluated, she saw the sign Behavioral Health, and asked me if I thought she was crazy. She is not dumb by any means, as a matter of fact she is very intuitive for her age. She just needs to learn to be a little more sociable.

HUGS to you Fibrosucks!!! You do have your hands full. My 12 yr old daughter and I bump heads a lot, my middle child needs constant attention for some reason, and I have a 3 yr old son who is very naughty. All of my kids have issues with dealing with anger, which I think they get from both of their parents which is not good. My husband (and children) seem to not give a crap about me not feeling well or being exhausted, and seem to forget that I have health issues... and just keep piling it on stress wise, or not helping me at all, or very begrudgingly if I ask.

On top of that, my ailing MIL has memory issues and leg problems and my BIL and SIL seem to think my husband and I should be taking are of her (because they live in Texas and she lives near us in Iowa), despite the fact that she makes it evident that he is her least favorite child. She doesn't like me much either because I don't feel like - after 25 years- that I should have to sit silently anymore while she is rude and passive aggressive and takes no interest in her grandchildren. AT ALL.

I am not in your exact shoes, but I do relate and sympathize. I hope things are getting better for you and that you get some much needed YOU time to recoop and regroup.