You realize you are telling us that have fibro. The ones in pain 24/7 .
We feel bad enough please don't give us more of a guilt trip.
We don't wish we had fibro either. We wish we could be normal.
I sure your husband wishes he could be the man you want him to be.

Maybe concentrating on the positives would be the best esp for your husband and your child.

Here's a thought - Maybe some of you with fibro can give Ash a way to help her husband cope better. Those of you who have been there where he is can possibly help those of us who desperately want to help and are hurting because we feel so helpless to know how best to help because there is no way we can actually feel what you are going through.
I think Ash is venting here so that she doesn't make her hubby feel worse and give him a guilt trip.

She's making me feel worse, think about us that do deal with pain daily.

Maybe stare your own group entitled Coping with people who have fibro.

This post upset me all night. Reminded me of all the comments I have heard that makes is think we are a pain to everyone's life,

We didn't cause our fibro.
I don't want to hear. "We all have health problems "

I don't want to hear " you are not dying "

I don't want to hear now we are upsetting their perfect life they had planned.

Yes, I might be the only one that speaks up

But I am her husband. I feel sorry for HIM not what it has done to her life,

While I symapthize with the stress on spouses of those with choronic illness and/or pain---my own hubby has a lot to go through---here's my perspective.

FM steals us from *us*. Living it is not any more fun than living with it, is my guess.

Please, openly discuss your feelings and even seek support counseling together. It's a lot to adjust to for everyone involved.

BTW, Lowernotes, we'd gladly give him advice---but I don't know how it is to live with a FMer. I am one. It's my hubby who'd have the advice, and his is (I asked just now):

"Try to understand he's not trying to be in pain. They didn't decide to be in pain. Just love him because that's wehre it all starts."

And tell your hubby what he CAN do---not think about what he CANNOT.... Ask him what he feels up to, how to help know what he feels (we use gree-yellow-red construction paper on th fridge for "good, bad, and don't-come-near-me")....

Magic, sorry your were upset. You have enough to deal with without that.
Sorry, I don't think I worded what I was trying to say very well - please be patient while I try again...
I suppose what I am thinking is that if you guys who have it can help those of us who try to help loved one. When they are flaring or ill they can't always communicate how they are feeling and so we don't know how to help without making them feel worse. What do we do - from a sufferer's perspective - to help, what can make you more comfortable, what can we say that encourages? Or is it better to just treat symptoms and leave the sufferer to hibernate in peace till the flare passes?
From watching and trying to help my daughter I thank God daily that I don't feel what she goes through and I really admire the courage that you all show by sharing your lives on this forum.

Leo, I love your 'green, yellow, red' construction paper idea. I am going to think of a way we can use that in our home. It will help my son to know what my daughter can handle in a given situation.

Hi ashleyjanette, I understand that you need to vent. I know it must be very difficult for you and for your little one. It's also very hard on your husband because I'm sure he feels bad about the pain and sickness that he goes through. Of course it's not his fault, but I'm sure he feels badly about it. I wish I had some advice for you. I'm fairly new to fibro as I was diagnosed about 1 & 1/2 years ago. My husband seems to understand when I'm over-tired or in pain, but I'm sure it's hard to understand because he doesn't go through it.

I don't know if there's a group on Daily Strength for family & friends of people with Fibro, but if not maybe you could start one. Sounds like a good idea. Maybe you could find more people who could relate to how you're feeling.

I have fibro and I have to take care of my kids and push through, NO CHOICE. Most ppl with fibro work hard to have some kind of normal life, HE will have to do this, too! Get him help....

I think the point is the person with FMS and the spouse both suffer. My 5 year old made ME a pb&j when I was having a bad Fibro pain day and I wanted to cry because I wanted to take care of her and couldn't.

Thanks lower notes, Leo, and lady deb

To anybody who was bothered by my post.... Lower notes is right , I was trying to vent to people who would understand...I can see that this is probably not the right place to do that. I have never meant to offend, and I know that my husband is suffering much worse than I am, and I have nothing but love and respect for him. I know that none of this is his fault and I do not blame him. I just don't know how to deal with the loneliness sometimes.

And Leo I love the green yellow red idea. Thanks!

I was just grumpin last night about how I just hate how fibro takes me down in some way every day. And it's starting to wear on me. (Last night it was my knee that was giving me problems).

I do get fed up. But I also sympathize with my hubby & family. So because of that, I often just pen up my feelings along with my aches and pains and do my best to ignore them in the best way I can.

My kiddos understand that I have bad back days or bad knee days and such. Or they know that mom is just sleepy some days. But they don't know about my dx. I hope to keep it that way for a while.

As for seeking help for your husband ashley, I say you did the right thing by coming here. And let me explain why.
I have two boys with mild Autism, their younger years were really really tough when they were non verbal. And our youngest still becomes non verbal when he's really frustrated. We believe my hubby also has a higher functioning form or Autism as well. He made his personal discovery after seeing all that our kids have gone through for therapies and such.
So now I turn to my hubby for insider information.

And that insider information is priceless! But with that there is a warning, there is good and bad that comes with it. Just like you saw earlier. I understand it was not your intention to stir up feelings of hurt and frustration. But sometimes it still does. There is no way of knowing when you post a question what will happen.

I too thought about all of the times I have been down when my family is circling around me. It sucks. Those days I hate fibro. But I've been in your shoes too Ashley and I get it. Because that insider information helps you understand in a way you didn't know before.

And it is through that greater understanding comes awareness and compassion is renewed.

I see the love through all of these posts above. I hope Ashley that you find what you are looking for here.

I actually completely understand where Ashley is coming from. I do not take offense to her post. I have been on the other end, being the caregiver of someone who needed constant help and it can be exhausting. I feel bad for my husband, because I am not the partner in life I used to be. He works very hard running his own business and has a lot of stresses of his own, but calls me numerous times a day to check in on me. I can feel that he is worried for me. Especially when I say things like "I don't want to live like this anymore". Before my diagnosis, we weren't exactly sure what was going on with me. I'm sure we both thought it was just anxiety. I remember him getting frustrated one day and saying "I just want my wife back". He has been very supportive on a daily basis but once in a while it does get to him. I let him vent and do not take offense. He has had to put things he enjoys doing on hold, cancel courses out of town etc.. He makes sacrafices all the time because of this illness. He does this because he loves me, and wouldn't do it any other way, but I understand that it is not what he had planned for us.

I did not want to appear rude, but this is something your hubby has to do. It is not easy, but he has to live and raise his kids the best he can. Your children will suffer more if he is not able to get through this rough state.

Im glad that you reached out here on this board. I believe that you sincerely want and need support because this is really hard on the spouse as well. Why wouldn't it be? Fibro steals from everyone. No, it isn't *equal* because we are the ones that suffer everyday but it still alters the life of those that you love and those that love you. It just does. UNFORTUNATELY ...

I get a sense ( if I understood correctly) that it was about sharing how you felt about what its like for you ( with no disrespect towards anyone...) and your toddler... it wasn't about your entire relationship and life with your husband in a nutshell. Its JUST one *part* of it.

Please don't stop posting here ( for any reason) because its a support board for "Fibro" and a room for all things related.

Hi Ashley. I understand exactly where you are coming from!! Many years before I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia my husband became ill and it turned into a chronic condition. It was very stressful for the entire family. I felt so alone at that time. It felt like a thief had come in and stole my husband overnight. It was very challenging coping with his illness and I really needed to talk to someone so that I could mourn properly, but I just held it in and silently cried. I missed my husband and wanted our old life back and that is COMPLETELY NATURAL. You aren't being selfish or thoughtless for feeling that way; you are having a reasonable response to loss.

My husband is able to understand my challenges because he's been in my shoes. He doesn't have the same illness, but he can relate to the chronic, sometimes disabling nature of this illness. He is my rock and I feel so blessed to have him in my life.

Sometimes, we may unintentionally offend others when we participate in forums. Yes it happens. You could have the greatest intentions and someone will take offense. That's just the way of the world. I know you were just venting and needed support. Please don't stop posting here. You are in the right place; a support group!!!