It is difficult when you aren't getting the support and empathy that you need and want like we all do. We all need love and support.
I am sorry you are feeling Lonely with this.
Some people aren't very good at being sensitive to others needs It doesn't come naturally to them. You may have to ask for it. And say how you feel. She may not know how to give what you want so be prepared for that. And be there for yourself. Maybe you guys need to have a heart to heart and have some communication on this. Use "I feel". Phrases. I think if you don't the anger will only build and you will resent one another.
I hope your GF listens and you listen to her side too. She maybe holding some thoughts about you being I'll, it could be bothering her too. I hope you guys can have a better understanding of each other.

Also maybe some counseling may help. Especially to address your past hurts of abuse which I am truly sorry that you went through.

Hang in there.

I am so sorry that you are feeling this intensity of pain and anguish. The disease we all suffer is a terrible robber of our lives and no one deserves to have this. It is so hard to understand how someone 'as good as I am' could possibly be so ill, with no end in sight. Somewhere in my mind, I guess I thought that, if I was a good person, worked hard, did all the things I was taught to do as a child, that good things would happen for me. Boy, was that a dim way to see the reality of life. Bad things can happen to anyone. Being ill with something that is so misunderstood by the population at large makes one feel even more isolated and alone with the state of their lives. It is a terrible thing to bear. I have been in that same state of mind that there is no way I can live this way, yet in the end, I survived. When I was in such terrible pain that I cried for God to take me, I lived through it and am still here, kicking today. It has been worth the fight I have had to live to this point. I am glad I am here.

I try to spend as much time as possible thinking of the things that I still have in my life. At one time, I had dozens of what I thought were friends. They ended up being only acquaintances and ended up by the wayside as I have become more ill over the years. I understand how they are confused, because I am confused at how this could possible exist in my life. I don't blame them, but I celebrate the friends I still have and some wonderful friends that I have made here on DS. As it has been said, "Life is hard, then you die." That used to seem like a joke. Now I know that it's true. Everyone suffers in life in some way. This is how we are suffering.

I would just say to take heart that so many other people survive the terrible pressures this disease puts on us. You are NOT ALONE and we are always here for you. We support us as we try to take care of ourselves. We feel sympathy and empathy for you and you are welcome and cared for here. We take this seriously here on DS and we will always be here for you.

the hardest part is that I try to talk to her. And she gets angry and defensive. it has been a problem with us for years. it always ends in a fight.
how can you really make someone care?
i could be crying and twisting in pain in bed and she is next to me reading an article online or playing a game. i ask her to rub my back and she just says "im no good at it" and if i keep pressuring her she does it but really roughly and halfheartedly. And in a very obvious way too. if i tell her it seems like she doesnt care she says "im sorry you are hurting what more do you want me to do"

Afirst i want yo say thst I get what uou are going yhrough ss do all of ud on this special site. I agree and hsve experienced everything that was written by all. I remember my doctors would try and put me on antidepresents and i refused because i always said i wouldnt be so depressed if i wasnt in so much pain. I finally gave in and it did hrlp me balance my emotions. I euffer everyday and i dont get the family support that would be nice but i have decided that it has to be meaning i cant rely on anyone else because no one can understand unless thay have gone through themselves. I hsve real bad dayd and i get angry especially if i have to deal with soneone that is ignorant most of the time i give it up to god. Hr wants us to put our eorries and pain in hands and hr will get us through it. Peace and blessings with pain free days.

You can't make someone care. That's the thing. And I don't think its any good pleading for a massage if they are doing it with no heart and being rough. I wouldn't even bother asking if that is how they are going to respond,
It does sound like your GF is perhaps tired too, and may not have that much of herself to give to you. She can't give what she ain 't got. You know what I mean.
You can't force someone to care and be sensitive and say the things and do the things that show love and compassion. It sounds like GF is lacking in that department.

I am sorry that you guys have fights between you. I don't know what good things you have going on in your relationship and if it is worth you staying in. Only you know that one.
You either carry on the way you are or something changes. . You may have to Lower your expectations of your GF because she isn't able to give you what you want. And you are just getting hurt and disappointed along the way.
I am sorry.
I hope you can be strong within yourself. Know that you deserve love and caring and you need support.
You do have us here.

Im a sorry you have to suffer with fibromyalgia, I bitched because I got this at 32 yrears of age, and you got it at 15. Your GF doesnt have a clue what (we) you suffer. All you can do is let it go. my BF is the same way. and its no good for you and your health to stress about "them". please take care of yourself and keep going on. I have had those same feelings, I know it sucks...pain is with us daily. sometimes hourly(mostly hourly). YOU take care of YOU. do what you can when you can. and try not to take it personally cause she has no clue about your pain. just like you dont have her migraine pain. We have no clue what the person next to them are enduring......praying for you...

You got such great responses, Jessica. I can't really add anything more, except to say that I've had to somewhat lower my expectations of what my husband can do for me, support wise. He's a wonderful husband, but he has difficulty understanding this and seeing me hurting all the time. He just doesn't know how to respond.

So I come here for my dose of "daily support and understanding." It's the best therapy I've found.

Hang in there and let us encourage you. We're open 24/7!

Take care.....ELizabeth

I'm so sorry your having difficulty in your relationship. Just to play devils advocate here, maybe she is understanding and compassionate towards you, but she feels like she should downplay it so you don't feel pitied or less than. Our constant pain is a huge loss, I know I've felt like I don't know what to say when people have lost a loved one, our chronic pain is a loss nobody understands unless they've been through it themselves... kind of like a death. I know that for myself I default to just being there and letting the person know I don't know what to say. It's up to us to let our love ones know what we need from them (in my opinion). I know I've been hurt when I've thought I was being a good lover or friend only to find out that resentment was being held against me.

All that said, if you've extended yourself and tried to make your needs understood and your girlfriend is treating you like you're just lazy or you're a burden, then maybe its time to move on. I know that's scary because its so lonely even when you do have someone, bit maybe it doesn't have to be.

I hope you figure it out. We are here to listen while you do.

thank you everyone for the great responses. it has made me feel better. i just realized i forgot to mention that when my best friend is here during the summer he rubs my back and my legs. when we go out he helps me walk. he helps me out of the car and opens doors for me. he is so comforting without making me feel like he only feels sorry for me.
and the thing is that when he is here she always "hands" me off to him. If i ask for something that requires physical comfort she tells me to ask him. even when she was off for like a week. i dont want to sit there wanting her to be like him. but now that he is gone when we go there is no one to lean on. she runs ahead of me.
gah i totally feel like a jerk for wanting something she cant give me. i tried to leave many times but she keeps asking me to stay and i do love her. but im not sure she loves me the way she thinks she does.
thank you all so much for listening.

You've gotten some great advice here so I only have a couple of things to add.

The unfortunate truth might be in what you said: " i totally feel like a jerk for wanting something she cant give me."

It's possible that she can't give you what you want. Not everybody is cut out to be a caregiver and it could be she is one of those people. I'm not sure it means she loves you less - it's more that she just is who she is.

If your talks only lead to fights and frustration, there are only two ways to read that - either you're approaching it in a way that makes her feel guilty and defensive, or she simply doesn't have it in her to give you what you need. Only you know how you're approaching her, so you are the only one in a position to know which of those is actually the situation.

The advice columnist Ann Landers used to ask, in such situations, "Are you better off with or without him/her?" That's the other thing only you can know.

Relationships can be tough under the best of circumstances. I hope you can work things out.