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I'm sitting here crying my eyes out and I should be leaving for work in 15 mins.
I have been having a bit of a hard time with meds and pain lately - and overdoing it at working, but getting by.
A few weeks ago one of my sons was contemplating suicide, which devestated me. He's doing ok now, but during our talks, he told me that I never came to watch them play sports when they were younger, and that his dad never encouraged him. I thought he was just lashing out cos he was feeling yuk. I did go and watch them play footy when they were younger, every damn weekend - and I've never been a footy fan.
Just now, my youngest, who has moved back in with me recently (20yo), told me I had never supported him and never gone and watched him play footy when he was younger or watched him surf and that I had done nothing to encourage him in life.
I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I swore I'd never be like my mum and now that is exactly how I feel.
What about all the times I've sat with them and cried over broken hearts or had the drunken call at 1am or 4am, or picked them up, or ....... what the point.
I am heartbroken, and I'm not usually such a sook - but there was real venom in him this morning and I fele like I have failed as a mother. I don't know what to do.
Sorry everyone, I'm really just venting - I need to blurt before I go to work I guess.
I have been having a bit of a hard time with meds and pain lately - and overdoing it at working, but getting by.
A few weeks ago one of my sons was contemplating suicide, which devestated me. He's doing ok now, but during our talks, he told me that I never came to watch them play sports when they were younger, and that his dad never encouraged him. I thought he was just lashing out cos he was feeling yuk. I did go and watch them play footy when they were younger, every damn weekend - and I've never been a footy fan.
Just now, my youngest, who has moved back in with me recently (20yo), told me I had never supported him and never gone and watched him play footy when he was younger or watched him surf and that I had done nothing to encourage him in life.
I know I'm feeling sorry for myself, but I swore I'd never be like my mum and now that is exactly how I feel.
What about all the times I've sat with them and cried over broken hearts or had the drunken call at 1am or 4am, or picked them up, or ....... what the point.
I am heartbroken, and I'm not usually such a sook - but there was real venom in him this morning and I fele like I have failed as a mother. I don't know what to do.
Sorry everyone, I'm really just venting - I need to blurt before I go to work I guess.
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through such a rough time right now. As moms we do the best we can do. I don't think that you are feeling sorry for yourself. His words hurt you and understandably so.
I am sending you..
((gentle hugs))and prayers,
Teresa
I'm still a mom of young children, so I don't know what it's like to be in your shoes, so I will not may any attempt at it.
But what I can say is coming from a child. At some point we grow up....maybe become mature is the better term for it. It's like our eyes open. We see our parents for what they've done for us. We learn the difference between love for us and spoiling us rotten.
Your boys sound like they've talked (maybe they haven't yet) and that there are reminiscing about days gone by. What they missed out on. Every child comes to that realization at some point in their lives.
I believe it's a process of becoming mature. The next is when they recognize who you are in their lives. I can't tell you how thankful I am that my parents were the way they were (borderline strict). Yah, I resented them for not letting me do stuff ..even when I was 19....but, I now have a great friendship with my mom. My dad has past away some years now, but my relationship with mom is strong.
We all get to this point. So, I hope that even though the words dig in as deep as you can imagine right now, I hope that you can see this as a natural progression of your boys. Let it settle into their hearts for a while. They'll want to figure out the answers themselves and the answer to this one lies with you. I'll pray for you to be able to express yourself the way you need to when this time comes. Just speak from your heart as it's their hear that will be listening.
Hugs you you my dear!
The things I wish they wouldn't have done was verbally and physically abuse me. I play the cello, and in Middle School and High School, I would have concerts. My parents never went to any of them except for one once a year, and you know what my mom told me? "I only go to these concerts because I like the choir. The orchestra sounds horrible!" It's like, uh, hello? I'M IN THE FRIGGIN' ORCHESTRA!! I usually had to either catch my own ride to my own concerts, or walk carrying my cello on my back because if I didn't show up, I would fail the class. My parents were too busy going to my brother's hockey games or whatever things he had going on.
Once, there was a Gophers hockey game on and I had a Solo and Ensemble contest all the way out in Edina, and we lived in Plymouth at the time, which is about fifteen miles away from Edina. I had to catch my own ride out there, and my parents told me that they would pick me up after I was done. Well, the hockey game was still on when I called my parents for a ride back home, and they wouldn't come and get me because of the damn game! I was stuck there for 4 hours begging people for a ride home. They probably thought I was nuts! I would have been screwed if not for a classmate of mine who took pity on me and had his parents drive me home.
The point is, you are not a bad mother! You didn't mentally and physically abuse your children, and at least you TRIED to be there for them as much as possible. You went to your sons football games and you hate the damn sport, but at least you went! You did the best you could with the resources you had. It could have been a whole lot worse for them, believe me!
Sorry, had to vent a little there. I will be praying for you and for your sons. I hold a grudge against my parents, but I could never put all the blame on them because that was in the past and I turned out fine. They definitely did something right in raising me, so why hurt them? Hopefully your son will apologize to you and realize what a good mother you have actually been to him.
Krysta