Thats what we're hear for.At least they are talking to you about their feelings.After they get it out and calm down,talk somemore.Everyone sees things differently.Your not a bad mom.Even if you were perfect it is no gaurentee what your children will turn out like!I hope you can resolve this!Take a deep breath.I'll pray for you and your family!Lots of hugs!

Sweetie I hear you!!! My grown up kids can rip my heart out too..A very wise woman told me once When they are little they step on your toes When they are big they step on your heart!!!!!!!
Gentle hugs to you honey.....

Tell them your sorry that you did not realize that you watching their sports was so important to them or at the time you would have been their and try to go watch what ever they are interested in now and try to do things with them maybe get tickets to a sport event they would like and go together we can't change the past only make whats here and now better!

You a failure? Not even close Deb . . .sorry life is handing you this. My kids make me feel like one alot but I am trying to see it different now. They are adults and in the end we did the best we could and they have to make their own choices now and accept the consequences

Love ya

As long as you have Loved your Children, you are Not A Failure..
As long as you never put them Down while Bringing them Up..you are not A Failure..
As Long as they had a Sense of Security in their Lives, You are Not A Failure..
did they have Food, a warm bed...A Kiss on the Cheek, or the Forehead while they were growing up ? then you are Not a Failure..
when They Hurt, did your Heart as well ? then you are Not a Failure..

I was a Working Mom, and I had to Work a mans Job to Support my Children, I Missed out on many things...We Cannot all be the Moms from down the Street with the Perfect everything...
they are now grown men, tell them TY for pointing out my Faults, now if ya don't have any Good memories to Share with me, I have other things to do..

You are Not a Failure...they have Failed in Appreciating the Good things they had within their Lives...

Take care and Hugs to you this Day !!

I am so sorry. I think all kids go thru a phase where they think their childhood was horrible. Give it time. They will realize what a wonderful mother they have and always have had. They are just trying to chenge from the parent/child relationship to the parent/adult child relationship. It's just another stepping stone. Hang in there.

Don't let them put the guilt trip on you. You put clothes on his back and fed him and sent him to school and furnished him a place to live. You haven't failed and a 20 year old man shouldn't be talking to his mamma like that to upset her. Maybe he should find him some where else to live. You don't need this.

You sound like a pretty good mom to me. you shouldn't be so hard on your self and your sons shouldn't be so ungrateful. There is so much worse out there.

My dad never lived with us at all. And when he visited a few times out of the year, he only said cruel words to us. I haven't seen him in over 11 years now. Who knows where he is.
When I was in grade school, my mom had put me in a militarized private school. I was in a country that didn't have child abuse laws. They used to beat and whip us almost every day. It was either that school or my dad would force me into a muslim school. i'd rather take beatings every day than go to a muslim school!

My current bf's dad walked out on his family when my bf was 8 and they never saw him again.

Now that I'm grown up, I look at the world today and feel sad for all the people that don't see what blessing they have. I don't regret what i have lived thru cuz it gave my strength, wisdom, and a thankful heart. Your sons have a great mom. nobody is perfect but everyone needs to take time to count their blessings. There are so many people and families out in the world that are torn and so much suffering. God has blessed your life and your sons lives as well. I hope this helps you feel better. hope you can dry your tears and smile.

No You are not a bad mom! You did the best you could. My daughter is angry with me still for the fact that I was sick when she was young. In fact she still doesn't believe I was sick just lazy. Others told her this and she choose to believe them.Someday they will come around. In a way it is good they are able to talk to you but I do know how much it hurts. Don't let them to continue to abuse you though hon.

Debbie,
No you are not a failure. We are here to support each other and that is what we do on here. Your sons see things differently. You were not a BAD mom, you are a GREAT, GREAT mom!. I will keep your family and you in my thoughts and prayers as I do everyone here on DS.

I know this stuff is hard to hear. Maybe some of it is about you, but I'll bet a lot of it is about them. Not going to football games wouldn't be enough to cause a child to want suicide. There must be other things going on. So, I know it's hard, but understand that this is they boys ego talking, the "hurt" part. You don't need to feel hurt or threatened by that. Connect with who those children really are, at their core. So sorry for this.

well, my parents never showed up to the things that didnt interest them, nor did they try to encourage me to do anything in life. I felt very lost. It's like who the hell is steering this car and how do I get out of it? BUT! I am 32 now and even tho the memory is there.....there is nothing I can do about it. Mom has passed, knowing that she wasnt the best mother (even though I told her she was on her death bed) she didnt try to fix things once they were out in the open. Dad has tried though and we've come a long way in our relationship. It took Mom's death but I FINALLY have a Dad. So, just try to understand that this is how they feel, maybe you did it the best way you knew how and you should be confident in that!! Feel good about what you know you did but maybe just comfort their feelings and tell em you're sorry that you didnt know how they felt. You cant do anything to change the past. Work on the present and the future! Pat yourself on the back MUM! If you didnt care, you wouldnt have posted this! Heather

I absolutely agree with Cha Cha. Sometimes our kids, especially at the age that yours are, will look for somewhere to place the blame for their own actions or problems and you are the easiest target because you're Mom. Something isn't going right in their adult life, and it has to be your fault because you raised them! You are emotionally the closest person in their life and they lash out at you over their problems because they aren't ready to accept responsibility themselves. I think boys in particular do this because they mature slower.

Think back. When they were young, and something happened, maybe one of them broke something or whatever, did they usually blame everyone/thing but themselves? I know I did as a kid. I got huge mileage off my step brother who would visit in the summer and then go home, but heck, i could say that "Christopher did it" and get away with it for at least a month after he left!

With maturity, the need to place the blame on others should fade and they'll stop blaming you. Hopefully they'll apologize to you as well.

Thankyou all so so much for your kind words and support, it means a lot to me.
Not long after I posted, he called my mobile and the home phone, but I was still crying too much to answer (big sooky la la - I know). He sent me a txt to say he was sorry, and then later on he called me at work too.
I know I really over reacted, but he really knew which button to push. (little shit head)
My mum did very little with us as kids for our activities, it was always dad, and while as an adult I can understand some of it - I can't forgive her for not picking up the phone now and seeing how her grandkids are, or even how I am occaissionally. I always swore I would never be like her - never put up the ice wall whenever I heard something I didn't like or didn't agree with - like she did, and still does.

My boys and I have always had robust conversations, disagreements, opposite opinions, etc - and that's ok - Iwould much rather they could tell me how they felt than not.
I suppose I felt hurt today cos I got it from both of them recently - same topic. I remember sitting at the footy every rotten wet weekend, watching, bored stupid - but watching. Being in the country we'd have to get up early and drive for an hour or more, and for a couple of years we had to do it Sat and Sun, and (I was working full-time). Anyway, I could go on and on, but I won't. I guess I was just feeling really vulnerable and he lashed out at me cos I had a go at him about not helping out.... (funny about that).
BTW, my other son is well past his suicidal talk - and it wasn't related to me - it was over a &%#* of a girl - whole other story - but we spent a lot of time talking about lots of things in the past.

Anyways..... THANKYOU THANKYOU THANKYOU you wonderful friends at DS. It's nice to know that people care when you're really feeling crappy.

I'm ok now :) xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

I realize that you are not going to hear this right now, but please read it and file it away in your head to think about when you are feeling less bad.

My kids are grown now, and through conversations with them through the years, I have been told this...

..when they were upset, I was the person that they would blame things on or lash out at because they knew that no matter what they said to me or accused me of, I would always love them.

...when I learned that I had done something, unintentionally to hurt them in the past, I needed to stop feeling guilt or remorse...that I can not change the past....but I sat down with the offended child and said this, "I understand that I failed you in...., I can not change that, but I vow to you right now that I will make things better, please give me a chance." It worked, the child said thank you, (not I forgive or forget it or immediate absolution) but okay.