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I feel like a child again....

mamawx4
mamawx4
and not in control of my own life anymore!Yesterday my hubby told me about 2:00 that I needed to take nap and that he and my daughter were going to take the babies to town while I did so.I didn't argue because I was already exaulsted and had been thinking about it anyway.Him and my daughter both have taken to telling me to take naps and to go on to bed at night.Even though I know that they are right I still get irritated because it makes me feel like a 5 year old.I know that they love me and are trying to take care of me but it still makes me mad sometimes.At this monster[fibro]not them.



Today is my b'day and they[hubby and daughter] gave me a surprise party last night with all of my family,about 60 people in all.I really enjoyed it but around 8:30 everyone started leaving and by 9 they were all gone.When I asked my hubby about it he told me that he had told everyone that they needed to be real carefull and not overly tire me out.And that he had asked everyone to leave by 9:00 because he was afraid it would be too much for me if it lasted longer than that.As soon as everyone was gone he asked me if I thought I should go on to bed.I knwo that he is trying to take care of me but I still feel like a kid.Being told when to take a nap,how long my guests can stay for my party and then when to go to bed at night.My daughter has almost completely taken over my house,doing the cleaning,cooking and taking care of the babies.She also helps me my personl hygeine like clipping my nails and brushing my hair.When I am in the shower she will keep checking on me[because I have fallen before].She never complains about taking on so much but it makes me feel horrible.She had a real bad break up here awhile back and now she tells any guy who wants to take her out she can't because she has to "take care of Momma".She is only 20 years old she should be out having fun and making plans for her own life,she won't even go to collage because she says she needs to be here for me,to take care of me.I don't want her tied down to me and not have a life of her own.When I say anything about it she says"Mom,you have always taken care of me,now let me take care of you."


Am I being petty and ungratefull?I don't mean to be,I just want my old life back!!To an adult again!
deleted_user
deleted_user
I would happy if someone was taking care of me. I guess it's hard either way. Is there a local college your daughter could go to. Maybe she doesn't know what she wants to do. I would have her check out the local ones or see if their is an off campus close to you. All you can do is encourage her to get out and enjoy life, she maybe using you to avoid that because of the bad breakup. Maybe by next semester she will be ready to go back to school and get out and meet people.
CajunTiger
CajunTiger
No great words of wisdom, just wanted to wish you HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!

HUGS from down south :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
well..yea...idk how to EVEN respond to that...Nice that he is Concerned, but that comes across as a bit Smothering...do You ever Decide when it is time to take a Nap ? or do you just keep Pushing Self til someone Else Notices ur Fatigued ?

Yupp...that would get on my Nerves right quick...all grown up now !!
mamawx4
mamawx4
I probably do push myself too far and I know that they are only trying to take care of me because they love me but still I feel like I am loosing control of my life.
CarrieinSK
CarrieinSK
I'd sit them both down and tell them that you are not a child and that you will decide how much you will do and when. It's great that they are looking after you and love you so much but that would be a bit smothering to me too. Maybe you can tell both a code word you will use if people are around and you want them to leave. That way, you decide when they should go. It sounds like they love you very much but just need to tone it down a bit!

Happy, happy birthday to you!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Happy birthday to you. I am so happy you have a family that loves you and cares for you. So many of us don't. Yes you need to let them know you would like to have more control of your life. I could only take that kind of treatment for a short time if at all. Just tell them as they obviously love you. I think they will understand. maybe your daughter just isn't ready to start dating again and thats why she tells them that. Big hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
That's so tough. I think one of the hardest things about fybro is the lack of control I feel over my life and I find it so hard to be told when to rest, sleep, eat, go home as I look tired..! Sometimes I want to scream at them, "leave me alone I am an adult with my own mind" and other times I want to run at them (not that I could run lol) and kiss them for noticing I feel rubbish. My husband is so patient, but sometimes he will say to me " this is hard for me too you know" and then I realise, fibro is horrible for everyone, for me, for him for my friends and they react too. Hmmph. I guess I am coluding with you here, saying "yes.. it's rubbish" and hoping you find some peace in your struggles as it sounds like you're having a hard time.
xxx
SisterKathy
SisterKathy
Wow...you are really loved!
There is a fine line to balancing it...but you are on the plus side of benefits! And some very good tips here for talking with your family and developing some patterns that allow you to maintain control of all that you can.

I feel like a 3 year old again too, even when it is my decision to take a nap, almost daily! And we are blessed when we have family members to support that - and tell us they envy the ability to get naps! They love us....what a wonderful thing to be thankful for!
deleted_user
deleted_user
It really sounds to me like his heart is in the right place & he's trying to be supportive. This sounds like something that could be handled by some gentle communication. Have you been clear about what you need from hi in order to be helped? He may not know where your boundaries are & the poor guy can't be expected to guess.
SisterKathy
SisterKathy
ahh...a clarification:
I feel like a child again because of what this disease/condition/syndrome is doing to me.

I think you are saying you family members actions are making you feel like a child - and you have a solution - you can talk to them and maybe change that.

They seem to love you so much that they will listen to you when you explain to them.
Hugs and best wishes.
Abotsd
Abotsd
of course i'm much older than you. happy birthday. but my adult daughter lives with us and is very helpful to me. she understands fibro and warns me when i seem too tired. she does the dishes, folds the laundry, and used to drive me to the drs. when i could not drive myself. i'm very grateful for her love and care. she even pays for me to have massages. so that's why we have families. my family saw me take care of my mother her last ten years, she lived with us. sure, i'd like to see her married, but till then am very glad i've raised such a loving person.
mamawx4
mamawx4
I am very proud of my daughter that she is such a loving and caring person.Sometimes I think she does use my illness as an excuse not to get back out there and act her age.I am afraid to drive any more because I get bad muscle spasms in my hands and arms and they will go limp so she does most of the driving for me.They are both so loving with me that I am afraid of hurting their feelings if I say anything about them smothering me.At times I do forget that they are only trying to help and I snap at them to leave me alone,that I will do what I want to do.Then I feel like a mean person and appoligize to them.It is so hard finding the right balance.
deleted_user
deleted_user
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY"
YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE PEOPLE LOVE YOU & KNOW YOU NEED NAPS!
EVERYONE AROUND ME SAYS I NEED TO SEE A DOC CAUSE ITS NOT NORMAL TO NEED SO MANY NAPS LOL
YET ALWAYS BE TIRED!
THATS OUR ILLNESS THEN THEY SAY YOU LOOK HEALTHY! SHOULDN'T NEED SO MANY NAPS AGAIN I TELL THEM WHAT I HAVE I THEY THINK I'M LYING OR MAKING STUFF UP! YET THEY TELL ME TO SEE A DOC WHICH I'M =THREE!

GIVES THANKS FOR YOUR BLESSING THAT THEY ARE NOT TELLING YOU THERE IS NOTHING WRONG W/ YOU!

I HAVE NO-ONE=I COULD DIE IN THIS HOUSE & NOT BE FOUND FOR DAYS MAYBE WEEKS! ONLY THE DOCS /ACT CARE PROGRAM( A VISITING ADVOCATE & NURSE!) THRU MY PHYSCOTRIST= WOULD EVEN CARE THAT THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG! ALSO MY FRIEND SHAWN WOULD CALL THE PROGRAM! TO CHECK ON ME AGAIN WOULD BE DAYS!
I HAVE TO REMIND MYSELF TO SLOW DOWN & TAKE NAPS I USE A 15MIN TIMER, MY CAT & DOG COMES & TELLS ME ITS GOING OFF!
THEN I CAN RETHINK WHAT I WAS DOING OR NEED TO DO =LIKE TURN OFF STOVE OR WATER RUNNINGOUT SIDE OR EVEN THE BATH TUB HAVE OVER FLOWED IT 4-10 TIMES=YES HE BATH FLOOR IS RUIENED!
HEALING PRAYERS & AGNGELS TO WATCH & GUIDE YOU & BLESS YOUR LOVING FAMILY!
OXO
PAULA
deleted_user
deleted_user
Dang! I can't even imagine such treatment. I'm thinking I'll be one of those people who die and no one discovers them until three weeks later.
cinaflower
cinaflower
I know it must be frustrated to feel you're being treated like a child- but I think you are very lucky to have such support and love in your life.
Many of us have people in our lives who resent our illness and in turn are less than sympathetic, which makes dealing with our illness much more difficult.
Are they telling you to slow down because you push yourself too far? Do you get grumpy- or can they just tell you've done too much? Are they hovering because they care or are they enjoying bossing you around?
I honestly wish my family was that supportive and caring. I feel like I'm the glue that holds everything together and it's falling to pieces because I'm not "myself".
Happy birthday to you, relax and enjoy it!!!!