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Last night after working all day, cleaning the house, fixing dinner, and waiting on the husband(life partner as we are not legally married) he comes in to shower and doesn't say a word. this is normal. He is usually tired. A shower and he is fine. But he came out of shower and threw a piece at me and said Shower drain broke and water is all out in the floor. At first i said I will find the money to fix it.
Then I started thinking. I work I make 150.00 to 80.00 a week. I pay all expenses for my girls I pay my insurance. When the stove messed up I Bought a new one. When the washer and dryer broke i bought a new one. When the toilet broke I fixed it. Literally I took it apart and fixed it. When the faucet in the kitchen broke I Bought the new one I fixed it. When the Car broke down I fixed it. When something goes out I always buy a new one. He wanted a new TV well Like a idiot I went and got a new one. My computer broke he got me this laptop and he told me on thrusday he was not going to make more payments to take it back.
WTF am i thinking I thought. I got the fuck up and went to the room got my clothes and told my girls to get a few also and I called my BOSS thank GOD for bosses like him. I asked him if he had empty rooms. I was crying so hard he said come on.
So up we came to the hotel and here we are this am. We haev done this before. Usually with a million phone calls from the hubby at night but not last night.
So this shows me I am not worth it to him. So I will now start the search for a place to live. And all of this after he help me unload all of my TAX REFUND. he was so loving and caring until it was all gone.
Did I mention that I go with him to every appointment that he has? As he has a few health problems I take him everywhere. WELL WHEN JULIE HAS A APPT. NO MATTER HOW SCARY SHE HAS TO GO IT ALONE. i mean noone will show their face for me. I have accompanied so many people taking time off of work and being there.
I am soooooo stupid. Neevr thinking of myself. I AM NOW!
Sorry so long. BUT NEEDED TO VENT!
Then I started thinking. I work I make 150.00 to 80.00 a week. I pay all expenses for my girls I pay my insurance. When the stove messed up I Bought a new one. When the washer and dryer broke i bought a new one. When the toilet broke I fixed it. Literally I took it apart and fixed it. When the faucet in the kitchen broke I Bought the new one I fixed it. When the Car broke down I fixed it. When something goes out I always buy a new one. He wanted a new TV well Like a idiot I went and got a new one. My computer broke he got me this laptop and he told me on thrusday he was not going to make more payments to take it back.
WTF am i thinking I thought. I got the fuck up and went to the room got my clothes and told my girls to get a few also and I called my BOSS thank GOD for bosses like him. I asked him if he had empty rooms. I was crying so hard he said come on.
So up we came to the hotel and here we are this am. We haev done this before. Usually with a million phone calls from the hubby at night but not last night.
So this shows me I am not worth it to him. So I will now start the search for a place to live. And all of this after he help me unload all of my TAX REFUND. he was so loving and caring until it was all gone.
Did I mention that I go with him to every appointment that he has? As he has a few health problems I take him everywhere. WELL WHEN JULIE HAS A APPT. NO MATTER HOW SCARY SHE HAS TO GO IT ALONE. i mean noone will show their face for me. I have accompanied so many people taking time off of work and being there.
I am soooooo stupid. Neevr thinking of myself. I AM NOW!
Sorry so long. BUT NEEDED TO VENT!
Just know I'm thinking about you hun and my prayers are with you and your girls!
Then I Realized it WAS me...I was doing it all...making someone think I COULD do it all...was quite Self Sufficient...Users will Easily Recognize that in a Woman..and when ya get Wise to em they will do and Say whatever they need to, to keep You in Their Life...Not Cause they Just Love you so Much...what they LOVE is What You DO For them....
That came to a Grinding HALT...I was 40...Sick, Fat, Pissy, and in NO Mood for No Man the Day my Best Friend walked into my Life...
I am Now Loved...Deeply...he Never disrespects me...he comes to Every appointment with me...even just for an Ear Infection...his Dad Treats his Mom like an Absolute Queen...He Holds me If I Cry...Kicks my Ass if I Need to Stand back Up....Listens when I Talk...stands up to me when I talk shit...He is Beautifully Strong, and I Deserve that within my Life..as do You...
I Pray you Find your Best Friend...Stay Far and Clear from the Losers....
We're all here for you, and please keep us updated....
HUGS from down south :)
Your story sounds all too familiar.Not just to me but a combination of a lot of friends I know.I don't have any sound advice as I have not learned my lesson yet in bad men.I have one now.I do know how I deserve to be treated and this is not it.
I hope this guy changes for you or one day you tell him to kick mud and he does so that you may have the opportunity to meet someone who deserves you.Good luck.
You are not stupid! It sounds like you have made up your mind to leave him for good, which is good! Not only do you need that... but your girls don't need it either! It's great to finally put some standards up about the way you deserve to be treated, that way your daughters will know that they too should have high standards and not stay with unsupporitive men that will use them.
Good luck hon!
Love is 100 percent IN...or 100 percent OUT...it is not "Oh, he Treats me good Sometimes"...no one is Perfect...but never do they mistreat you...Leave you Feeling Used...and in Your Post, you sounded very Used...Thats NOT right. up to You what you are Willing to Tolerate...if ya go back...That is a Choice...I would Rather simply be Alone then Ever be Treated Poorly Again.
Last week I only made 88.00 not alot to rent a house on. So I may have to go back until I can save some money. It all depends on what I can get done. I know that I CAN STAY HERE. BUT I don't feel comfortable exactly here. i love my bosses. They have been there for me. I am also looking into a house my friend has but it has not been finished renovated. and she wants 500.00 a month rent. I cannot afford that. HUD here has a 2 year waiting list. I can go rent a trailor at this trailor park but that will NEVER happen. Trailors are BAD I would let my dogs live there and half the people are registered sex offenders. No wondows floors falling in 200.00 a month. God. Been thinking.
I know first I have to find out what I am going to do all the stuff in the house has to be put in storage as it is ALL MINE! I have to find people to help me move. i have alot of stuff.
I understand DAkota. i am trying to be strong.
I am a person who takes in the weak and cares for them always have been and he was weak. Now he no longer needs me and i am lost I have spent 8 years doing this with him. I know what my problem is. I have done this over and over.
Trying to be strong.
PROMISE.
When people really love one another they try to give 100% to the other person. Of course that isn't always possible, but it's their goal. Sounds like you give up to 100% but he's giving less than 50%. That's not love in my book, but more importantly, it doesn't sound like he respects you, unless he's the one who gets the benefit.
It's good that he's put alcohol in his past and is trying to make repirations to those he's hurt - but my gosh, he's hurt YOU, by not giving you the respect you deserve. If he works his program he should be trying to respect you all the time. I have heard that with some alcoholics (not all), you can take the alcohol out of them but that doesn't mean they will stop being jerks. Some are jerks before they even take their first drink.
Good luck to you. You've got a lot on your plate right now. Give thanks for the good bosses you have and work one day at a time yourself. Keep your head up and respect yourself for the good person you are and don't let him use you as a doormat any longer. If things do change for the better, great - but in the meantime, be ready to stand up firm on your own and know that you don't have to have a man in your life to make you happy. Make yourself happy first, then see what happens. Again, good luck - and keep us posted. We care.
(((((lots of gentle hugs)))))
Andrea
Good or bad, I'm sure you don't know the whole story - and you probably don't want to know. But you know about you - what you've done and who you are. You don't deserve to be tossed aside by anyone - especially after being such a faithful and responsive partner.
Whatever you end up doing is your choice so choose what you can live with (of course with your children in mind) and don't accept choices you can't live with as acceptable.
And as always, we're here.
That was when I went into remission for maybe 3 years. It was incredible to feel that good and free of that dungeon lifestyle.
In the end that man became nothing but stress for me.
Because of your limited income maybe you could check a neighboring church for help in getting into your own place.
Also I would get on that list for HUD as in a emergency situation with children it can move your name up on the list sometimes. And may be helpful for you in the future once your name comes up on the list.
Here is a couple of websites that might be helpful for you.
http://www.nchousing.org/housing_assistance
http://www.nchousing.org/housing_assistance/financial_assistance/index_html
Keeping you in my prayers that all this works out for you.
Take care gentle hugs