Fibromyalgia Support Group
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Hi,
I haven't been in contact with my son and grandchildren since Christmas and he lives only 3 miles away! I chided my son for yelling at me during my last visit. He was super angry and just threw a mini-rage at me.
Since sending him an email telling him how it hurt my feelings (etc. there was something also about one of his young children who is difficult--I offered to take him for a few hours).
So, he doesn't answer any of my calls, emails. This has happened before with the grandchildren and lasted for about 8 months. I am not catastrophizing about it a lot because I know it will end at some point. But it really does change the way I am looking at being a grandparent. THIS IS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
I have never been relaxed when I go over to his house. I feel that everything I say or do is under some weird scrutiny. I was a good mother, very giving and affectionate, a single-mother.
But holidays (this one), mother's day coming up, birthdays. It's all a bit painful. Thanks for listening.
I haven't been in contact with my son and grandchildren since Christmas and he lives only 3 miles away! I chided my son for yelling at me during my last visit. He was super angry and just threw a mini-rage at me.
Since sending him an email telling him how it hurt my feelings (etc. there was something also about one of his young children who is difficult--I offered to take him for a few hours).
So, he doesn't answer any of my calls, emails. This has happened before with the grandchildren and lasted for about 8 months. I am not catastrophizing about it a lot because I know it will end at some point. But it really does change the way I am looking at being a grandparent. THIS IS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
I have never been relaxed when I go over to his house. I feel that everything I say or do is under some weird scrutiny. I was a good mother, very giving and affectionate, a single-mother.
But holidays (this one), mother's day coming up, birthdays. It's all a bit painful. Thanks for listening.
We're not with either of our children today, either. Our son, daughter in law, and grandchildren live in Mexico, and it's so hard not having them here for holidays. Our daughter and her husband always spend Easter at the lake with his family. I'm so family oriented, and it's very difficult.
Prayers for both of us to get through this day.
Hugs,
Elizabeth
In fact, I have only seen them twice so far in 2015 for about four hours & there is not a problem with my son other than he & his wife are always just so busy & there are a lot of grandparents & great grandparents in the mix so often I seem to draw the short straw.
Do hope you & your son can resolve the issues so you can see them more. Since my fibro has left me pretty much homebound these days my grandkids are the major part of my life these days.
Best wishes to you!!!
Two things I am learning. I have to kind and gentle with myself around this issue. Sure, I could work on being absolutely silent and never ever say a word during visits or afterward. Ok, I will try. But I did not cause this situation, feeling guilty is a no-no. A real downer and stomach churner.
The other thing is to get a life. A life without the grandchildren, apparently. This has happened before and probably will happen again and there will be months and months of not seeing them. So, I need to push myself out to do things that give me inspiration. So, that's what I'm doing. As much as I have energy for. I do not have the energy for this crap, anymore. Amen.
It's been going fairly well for a number of years with me seeing them every other weekend. But something changed recently and my daughter stopped talking to me everyday and was making excuses when I wanted to see the kids.
Finally at Christmas she just blew up and told me that my being sick all the time is just too stressful for her and that she is worried all the time about me. I also had a cancer scare.
I understand really. I'm sure it's very stressful to have a parent so ill with FM and CFS. She needs some space. It was hurtful but I do understand.
It's been quite a lonely adjustment going from seeing the kids once a week to only seeing them once every few months and then only for a short time. I'm adjusting in my own way but was very depressed during Jan, Feb, Mar. I haven't even been able to talk about it yet really.
The last time I saw my grandson I gave him a box of blank note cards and some stamps and asked him to write me and keep me updated on what it going on in his life. Hopefully he'll actually send one some day. I tried texting him but never got an answer and he said he never got them. I think my daughter might have deleted them when she took away his phone. Seems very cruel. I'm still processing this.
Being a grandparent is one of the most wonderful things in our lives, at least it is for me.
It just seems crazy that many of us are struggling with our adult children over this. Sending you all loving hugs of support.