I know how you feel. I wish it were different. I hate feeling this way. I am now having to do some fairly serious filing at work and it is killing me. I am hurting and only have filed one box. I have at least three more to go. This in addition to my already huge pile of work, that I am behind on, is causing a great deal of stress for me. And stress for me is a very bad thing, as it is for anyone with fibro. I wish there was something I could do to change this. Just know that you aren't alone in feeling this way.

I like what you said about "grieve". The hardest part for me has been letting go of the "old me". That's what causes the most depression for me I think, is not wanting to accept that no matter how hard I work at it, I'm not going to get any better. It feels like giving up. And yet, I don't want to not try at all and end up bed-ridden. It's a balancing act.

I think I have to grieve the loss of the old me before I can accept the new me. And then try to make the new me the best I can, and accept that... whereever it may lie.

You pretty Much Summed it Up, and tho I Still Grieve, I very Rarely PUSH Self Anymore as that will land me Flat for days on End...I Keep a Nice Slow Steady pace..and worry about the Rest Tomorrow...and thankfully Tomorrow Never Comes...so I will always be Able to say I Can Do This Tomorrow IF I Cannot get it Done This Day without Wrecking Self...

I Do pretty Good on a Consistent Basis as long as I Just Pace..the whole Hare & Fox Routine if you will..

Hugs..

Hardest thing for most of us, I bet. That "New Normal" is a beyotch!

Grieve is a good word. I look around my house and I grieve for what I used to be able to do. I didn't have the clutter. I didn't have to have everything within reach because I could move easier and get it.
I hate that when I come home from work I ache from head to toe. Once I sit down, I am done. It takes me three days to do laundry. I make of list of things to do and well actually the first thing is lose it. Then I make another one and am able to get through a couple of things.
I made a goal yesterday. I am going to do one extra thing each day. Maybe I will get it all done. I can only hope.
Hugs a lot.

im responding without reading others comments,only bec ause im wanting to talk to you without distraction...

i understand!!!!!...yes,if we push,we pay,our new normal is not so good at all...the things that help me is to know i have some things to give in my life,wich makes me happy...its in giving a listening ear...it may not sound like much but with my limitations,theres not much more i can give.

i have two little blessings who i give attention to,even though its just playing games in my bed,watching a movie,or funny vidioes on youtube,..its still giving and they appreciate it...

its scarey knowing f.m. wont get better....but we have to get past the grieving of being healthy(although i havent been since age 17)..
im not saying dont grieve,if thats where your at now,then you have to go through it...you will one day accept it and get used to how your life is.

im here anytime you need a listening ear,i mean it!!!!!
hugs
amy

I've done some very physical jobs in my life and I took great pride in not needing anyone's help to get things done.

Now I have to ask somebody just to get something plugged in under my desk if I'm having a bad day.

I used to be the one who crawled under the desk - and lifted the computer - hell one of my first jobs years ago was in a warehouse where I stocked the CAST IRON COOKWARE! I lifted cases of that stuff and put them up on racks over my head - and I was PROUD of it!

Yeah - it's hard - I used to like pushing myself physically and "pacing myself" feels unnatural.

We all go through the grieving - and each of us has to get through it in our own way. I've adjusted - and I've incorporated an active practice of gratitude to help with that - but there are days even after all these years that it still frustrates me - and I'm never going to NOT hate asking for help.

Leo sums it up for me! Dakota sounds alot like me however. I just try to pace myself, but I am one that when I get a hair up my nose that something needs to get done, I push myself then regret it for days! I am so used to being this "A" person when I know in my mind I am now a "B" kind of person and it kills me and sometimes I do not accept it very well, but I guess with pain pills I do ok with a push no and then!

I want to old me back! The younger, the one that never had to take all these meds, the one that could move a room full of furniture all by myself...I want that person back, but I know she aint never going to return!

We all understand. I'm a natural caregiver and problem solver, so it frustrates me to no end that I can't fix myself! lol I still over do it most days but I feel that if I ever stop, I'll lose myself forever.

Here's the crappy thing about grieving related to Fibromyalgia - it comes back again and again. First there was grieving over the loss of my physical strength (no more mowing the lawn, cleaning the house, gardening, aerobic exercise - which, by the way, I would do every Saturday by 10am). Then grief over my beaten down immune system, then over the loss of my those aspects of my intelligence in which I had taken great pride and had repeatedly received accolades, then over my financial independence.

Just when I thought I was moving through the grieving process, I got smacked back to square one. My closest friends and my younger brothers all got married within a few years of one another. And then they all started families.

The realization that I'm 38 and it's not going to happen for me was/remains crushing. By 'crushing,' I mean soul and heart-crushing. Want to feel like damaged goods? Review all your losses and then combine them with seeing everyone else's life move forward.

I'm going to snap if one more person tells me that I'm loving, caring, empathetic, funny, blah-blah-blah and that there's someone out there for me. Hell, I couldn't get the boyfriend of 8+ years to commit to marriage when I was still working, had financial independance, and wasn't as sick all the time. Can you imagine the prize I'd bring home in my current state?

As you can see, I VERY clearly understand grief and grieving for our old lives, our plans, our goals, our aspirations. Fibromyalgia sucks - that's the most succinct way I can think to say it.

I'm with you gals. Just the same, after all these many years, there are days I cannot leave my bed. No way to explain it and no one to have to explain it too, I just can't get started.

I've learned to let it go. There's just no easy solution. When I've spent myself, either psychologically or physically, or socially, intellectually, I just cave! Friends and family have to learn to accept it. There is nothing I can do about it. Just now I'm nursing my weak knee, the one I'm so proud of reforming after dislocating it a few years back. Well, it hurts again. And the old broken ankle. Even new boots don't still the pain.

Rest we must, accept we can, glad to re-visit the challenge right here.