Aw, I'm sorry. This message fell though the cracks a bit. I mostly was finding it hard to comment when you posted because what you're talking about hits close to home for me. I've been struggling more than usual with the fact that fibro has stripped me of everything.

One thing that did come to mind about what you wrote: you say your work takes all your energy, and that you have nothing without work. But if you're pushing yourself beyond your limits to keep work going, you might automatically only have work in your life. If your work takes so much out of you to leave no room for any hobby or frivolous activity, quitting or changing your current work could instead open up your life for other things again.

You say you have only work, but is it a self-sustaining cycle? Work takes too much, so your life boils down to nothing but work, and then you cling to your work because you see nothing in your life to hold onto besides your work, but the presence of work means there is no energy for anything besides work. Does that make sense? You can never develop other things in your life while your current job eats all your energy like an insatiable black hole. Could (partial) disability, a change of work load or working hours possibly open up chances for you to add more things to your life? Some chances for physical and mental self-care?

If we tell ourself we lose the moment we change something or give something up for fibro, we're setting ourselves up for self-destruction. Both mental and physical. Fibro doesn't care how stubborn we are, and the pain will continue to spiral out of control until life doesn't feel worth living. And with that mental attitude, when the time comes that fibro kicks our legs out from under us, we're not just dealing with fibro, but with the self-flagulation of feeling like "failures" for having a disease we didn't ask for.

Is a paraplegic a failure for giving up mountain climbing? No, it's something they simply cannot do in their condition. If ignoring our physical boundaries would cure fibro, I would have cured myself ten times over already.

There is a huge mental aspect about dealing with a life-altering physical condition. Is there a way you can talk to a counsellor or join a support group for people dealing with disease or chronic pain? We must accept new limitations, and that comes with huge amounts of grief, because fibro is messed up and unfair and we didn't ask for any of this. But we can't deny the facts just because we don't like what we hear. The facts are the facts. And to be brutally honest, I think your body is trying to make you understand the fact that you can't keep going like this. If work isn't fun because of the pain and all it does is now dominate your existence, is it time to look around for a way to live where you can do more pacing that is needed for you? There might be jobs or working hours that will allow you to do some living, rather than merely existing. Something to help you work to live, rather than live to work.

Was the meeting with your GP of any use? I can relate to that feeling of not knowing what to really talk about with the GP, since my life has devolved into a million health intricacies - every little thing effecting another little thing. So much to explain. Not just the pain, but the fatigue, and the depression, and the mental strain of stressing about getting everything done in life, and the grief of not having the life that I want.

Good luck with everything, and take care, Rainbow.

Av just dne a pain sheet give it to my surgeon its always hard to explain the pain cos thers so fuckin meny of them but it worked he sat dwn read write threw it and kept a copy for my record

I am bloody good at my job, it's the one area of my life where I succeed, I can't lose that achievement I would feel like a failure.

GP has upped my dose of gabapetin and told me to check in in 2 weeks. I'm having full bloods done next week and then he's going to put in a referral to the pain management clinic.

Rainbow no one questions whether or not you are good at your job. We are lovingly trying to explain that fibro will take everything from you if you let it. Having work be all there is is not a life that gives any quality. Balance is needed for anyone living with this illness. Making time to be with friends and family for support and enjoyment is crucial. I would encourage you to just ask yourself if today was your last day to live would you have regrets for not making time to be with the people you care about. If the answer is yes then make a list of things you can change to make that possible. Working less and taking partial disability would help you reserve some energy to enjoy your life. I am not saying you have to do this but hope that you see the wisdom in this.
We will be here to support you no matter what you decide. Gentle hugs and prayers for the distress that fibro brings when you need to let go or change something that is so hard.

Thanks guys, I do understand what you are saying I'm just too damn stubborn to accept it as a way of thinking. I suppose when I'm at work I have no room to slack off or choose the easy option whereas at home I can put things off, cancel plans and just wallow in self pity. It's just a shame that in order to get the adrenaline rush to carry me through I push so hard that the come down is horrendous! Don't get me wrong my boss and colleagues are very aware of my condition and would be totally lenient, in fact they nag me a lot to calm down. I know I'm my own worst enemy. I will try to listen, maybe pain clinic is the way to go to change my thought process.