Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
Hi Everyone! To give a little background, I have been friends with Karen and Kevin for around 18 years. We used to work together. We have been trying to get together for lunch now for a few weeks, but I haven't been feeling well enough to go. When I wrote the note that day to them saying I may be able to go, Kevin said he and Karen were going to a certain new restaurant and they would LOVE it if I could make it. That right there threw me off because it was supposed to be all three of us deciding where to go, not the two of them deciding to go and hoped I could "make it." (Plus, the lunch originally was going to be Kevin and I going and all of a sudden on Facebook she said she would be seeing us the following Monday for lunch. I said, oh really? I didn't know you were going. She said she figured it would kill two birds with one stone (have one lunch with both of them instead of separate). I don't know about you guys, but this irritates me! Not only did she invite herself to come along, she took away my being able to enjoy lunch with each of them separately, which is easier for me to do.
The following is my last note to them about not being able to make it last Thursday.
Sorry I didn't make it last week. I've been sick all this week too and can already tell I won't be able to go to lunch tomorrow.
:-( This last med change has been a killer!
Karen's response:
Yes, we totally understand. Kevin and I missed you but we had a nice lunch anyway. Man, what the heck are they giving you? I am so sorry that you have been sicker than I remember you ever being. Have you tried that new medicine that they advertise on TV for fibromyalgia? Are they still feeding you steroids? Have you ever checked into a more natural way to manage your illness? I sometimes wonder if the meds they give people just keeps them sick so they keep going to the doctor. If you ever listen to the side effects of some of the drugs they advertise on TV I would not take the chance of having severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, fatigue, nausea, etc. that they mention! Well, I do hope that whatever they are giving you eventually works b/c after all this time of you being sick with this nothing has given you any relief or even given you some sort of remission. Just know my thoughts are always with you and I sure hope this ends for you and you start feeling better. Hugs!
What do you think? She always has suggestions for me without knowing the facts. She expects the docs to have cured me by now without realizing I have a lot of different things going on and I'm darn lucky to be getting out of bed every day, let alone trying to go to lunch!
Ok, back to what you think ... lol!!
Thanks!!!
Hugs,
Sheri
The following is my last note to them about not being able to make it last Thursday.
Sorry I didn't make it last week. I've been sick all this week too and can already tell I won't be able to go to lunch tomorrow.
:-( This last med change has been a killer!
Karen's response:
Yes, we totally understand. Kevin and I missed you but we had a nice lunch anyway. Man, what the heck are they giving you? I am so sorry that you have been sicker than I remember you ever being. Have you tried that new medicine that they advertise on TV for fibromyalgia? Are they still feeding you steroids? Have you ever checked into a more natural way to manage your illness? I sometimes wonder if the meds they give people just keeps them sick so they keep going to the doctor. If you ever listen to the side effects of some of the drugs they advertise on TV I would not take the chance of having severe diarrhea, stomach cramps, fatigue, nausea, etc. that they mention! Well, I do hope that whatever they are giving you eventually works b/c after all this time of you being sick with this nothing has given you any relief or even given you some sort of remission. Just know my thoughts are always with you and I sure hope this ends for you and you start feeling better. Hugs!
What do you think? She always has suggestions for me without knowing the facts. She expects the docs to have cured me by now without realizing I have a lot of different things going on and I'm darn lucky to be getting out of bed every day, let alone trying to go to lunch!
Ok, back to what you think ... lol!!
Thanks!!!
Hugs,
Sheri
We really can't blame people for not "getting it." If we didn't have it, we wouldn't get it either. The commercials lead people to believe "there's a pill you can take for that!" and we can't really blame them for believing what they're being told.
What I DON'T recommend is trying to have a detailed discussion with either of them to set them straight about fibromyalgia. There is a saying that comes to mind - "Never try to teach a pig to sing - it wastes your time and annoys the pig." All I mean is that no matter how hard you try to explain, they aren't going to get it. You'll both end up frustrated.
Even so, you might want to let them know that you are aware of pretty much everything available in the world of treatments, both in alternative and "traditional" medicine, and that you are working with your doctor(s) to find the right combination of treatments that work for you, and that you do appreciate their support and understanding.
I really believe, from what you say, that they are trying to be supportive the best way they know how. You really can't blame them if they decided to have a nice lunch together, hoping you would join them, but knowing there was a good chance you wouldn't. The understanding has to work both ways - don't expect them to put their lives on hold.
I do think also that inviting them to your place for the next lunch is a good idea if that works for you.
I think they care very much for you and they too wanted to get together with you and visit with each other as well. I too hope that you are feeling better soon. Give them a break though - sounds to me like they really care. If they have to explain that note, you may lose a friendship. The note was caring and loving.
About the lunch dates, look at it from their prespective, they've been trying to lunch with you for weeks (is what I get from your post) and you have made dates and had to break them several times, correct? Well, if I were in their shoes I wouldn't have you choose either. I'd pick and hope you show up. (They haven't stopped asking you out- that's a great sign, I've had people quit asking me to go because I was always too sick). It sounds like you have some good friends and just as you want them to be understanding with you, you need to be understanding with them.
Sorry it has taken me some time to thank all of you, I have really been sick lately trying to taper the good ol' Prednisone. I got down to 8 mg and my body freaked out worse than ever before. So now I am on one more pain pill every day and had to go back up to 10 mg temporarily and try the taper again, oh goody! Actually, I'm going to talk to my rheumy about that one, lol!
As far as my friends go, I wrote them an e-mail this week letting them know that I had gone to my doc Monday and would not be able to get together this week and it may be a while before I'm able to go and I would let them know when I could. I haven't heard from them, although Karen has sent me jokes via e-mail. I've been friends with these people for almost 20 years now, so I am going to try my best to not let my illnesses ruin something else in my life. If I discover that the friendships are not good for me, then it may be time for me to let go. We'll see how things go. It is also hard to figure out how to take things like this when it is being filtered through my being tired and in so much pain. Hopefully that will get better soon too. I just want my life back!! I'm sure you all can understand that sentiment, right?
One thing that did stand out that I do want to correct is I was supposed to let them know on the day of the lunch, say Thursday, in this case, how I was feeling and if I was able to go. That, to me meant that I would let them know and we would ALL pick somewhere to go, not be told that THEY had already picked where THEY were going and I could JOIN THEM if I could make it.
Truthfully, the place they picked is brand new and right across the street from work. I knew it would be loud and full of people from work that I really didn't feel like visiting with. I would have picked a quiet out of the way Chinese restaurant.
So, when I'm feeling better I will contact both of them and suggest that Chinese restaurant and hope that all will work out.
Thanks so much again!!!!
Hugs,
Sheri