We are dealing with this too, The people who were friends before my daughter got sick have mostly drifted off because it is too stressful for them or something. A very few have remained and try to understand and walk the road with us. None of my daughter's so called friends stuck around for more than a few months. My side of the family doesn''t get it, hubby's Mom does her best and really cares about what is happening.
BUT - On the positive side - those who do stick around once you have weeded out the frenemies, are real friends. And you will make new friends who will know you with fibro from the start and will stand by you. It is sometimes a long process, but well worth it. Some of our friends that we have made now have disabilities too and they are teaching us how to cope too.
This may sound harsh but if your BF is going to bail on you - rather now than later. If he says he is going to stick around and is actually going to therapy with you and supporting you - it looks like you may have a winner. Try to trust him.
Try inviting your friends over, make it clear that you are not well but would like to see them.
Everyone wishes they could go back to being well...a normal reaction. That doesn't mean that he isn't there for you now.

Man this seems rambly - hope you can get something out of it.
Hugs

I am so sorry that you are hurting.many of us have or is now going through the same thing that you are going through now.i have lost friends also.may I suggest a book that many of us have used.the title is fibro for dummies.also if you need to talk,vent ,I want to offer the gift of friendship to you.you may pm me 24,7.i will be keeping you in my prayers.mg.

You're still you, and those who don't get it... they don't.... but if your guy's sticking it out and doing therapy? Good sign. :-)

I don't know if it helps you to hear from someone on the "other side" of this, but I can tell you not everyone who misses the old you will leave. I miss my husband before fibro more than words can say, especially when he's got really bad brain fog. But I'm not going anywhere. I also told him that if I could go back in time and knew this is how our life would be, I would still choose him

Now I don't know your boyfriend or how committed your relationship is, but I agree with what has already been said. Some people can't handle it and it's better not to have them around. But some people can, and those people are wonderful. There are some good signs like that he's willing to work on it.

As for people who expect the old you, I would say just keep educating them, and if they continue to not understand or put too much pressure on you to be the way you were before, then they're not worth your energy.

I agree (perhaps strangely) with everything that's been posted, but I believe Ashleyjanette said best what I'd like to say.

I still have most of my "pre-fibro" friends, and hubby has been nothing but supportive. We definitely have a different life, as we use to be much more physically active. Sometimes he copes with that by hiking with other people - he joined a local hiking club - and other times we just adjust and enjoy our time together in different ways than before.

When your boyfriend says he wishes things were like they were before, don't take that negatively - don't you wish that too? It's a perfectly natural emotion and something you both have to work through in your own way. After nearly 20 years, I STILL sometimes wish things were differently, but mostly I choose to live in the now and find different ways to do what I love.

Just remember it's not just an adjustment for you - it's an adjustment for everyone who cares about you, and everyone you interact with (like your boss), and it can take time and patience.

Thanks everyone...today's been really rough. I'm having a flare thanks to overdoing it all weekend (still learning my limits), I texted him after I got to work saying that I still felt like shit-painful, GI issues, etc- and it was going to be a long day, I was feeling down/anxious about things today. That quickly turned into an argument about how I'm so negative all the time...yes, I'm depressed, especially today, but I thought having some moments of positivity sometimes was a good thing? But apparently he doesn't see it, wants me to constantly be forcing positive thoughts into my head...long story short, he said "lets not do this today" but we both kept going and it got worse and worse, until I told him that one positive thing that happened today was that I got to take a long lunch at work so I had time to go home and break down. Which was a bit mean, I know. His reply: "Swinging below the belt. Real nice. We're done here. Thanks for continuing to text me and fucking my shit up when I told you to stop. Enjoy the rest of your shift..." I'm fucking terrified, having a panic attack now...I realize I majorly screwed up, just no idea how to turn it around...

I'm so sorry to read about your bad day and how things went downhill so fast. I I can really relate to your feelings and how close relationships are more important than ever when you have Fibro. Ive just posted something which turned out to be very long about whats going on in my relationship too. My bf keeps saying we will deal with this illness 'together' and has also said he is committed to helping me through this challenge, even though Ive had Fibro for 7 years now and have worked out some kind of balancing act with work and energy. I have been very careful about how much I share with him of my negative feelings and pain, but despite my best efforts he seems to have just walked out on me. Actually, I don't think its because of the Fibro, God knows what it is...
I know how hard it can be to keep being positive and putting on that 'brave face' and I don't blame you for just letting it all out when it gets too much. I hope you guys can sort something out - I wish you all the best.

Hi jrk. This is a rough one. I had a friend who dumped me when I got sick because I was ruining her good time. It wasn't a casual friendship either but a long term and intense, loving relationship.
Or so I thought. It took me a long time to realize that I was projecting something on to her that just wasn't there.
I have so often assumed that the other person had that same loyalty, and good intentions that I have had, only to be disappointed by them.

Many shy away from chronic illness because it scares them and also, because it does 'ruin their day' to be reminded of it.
We were meeting certain needs of theirs, be it emotional, financial or intellectual. Sad but so often, relationships are based on people meeting each others' various needs. They feel actually that we, in our illness, abandoned them.
In time, we learn to sort out genuine friends (and BFs) from the 'good time Charlies'. There are lingering resentments and bad feelings on all sides that we need to deal with, as well, if we want to proceed with trying to heal ourselves.

If it's any consolation, I am hearing the potential from these posts of making new friendships in our understanding of one another. I appreciate knowing I am not alone in my experiences. I have just come back to this site after being off for about 2 years. I find the family relationships to be the hardest right now. It is difficult when a family member treats you badly when you are feeling badly. And yes, it seems to be because I am 'abandoning' them by not being able to be at a functioning level that I used to be. Is anyone else in the process of learning how to set limits with family/friends/significant others to maintain your health? Jrk, I hope the best scenario for you! especially what is best for your health and wellbeing.

It's is hard but its better now that way you can concentrate on keeping healthy.

revgirl - We are learning to limit our exposure to those who drain my daughter's energy or make her feel bad for 'letting them down'. We are making new friends who at least try to understand where we are at. Quality friends rather than quantity. We don't really have the energy for a lot of friends anyway and would rather spend the energy we do have on people who encourage, sympathise and build us up not those who drain us and hurt us.

Thank you for the good wishes everyone...My boyfriend and I are ok. I stressed out for the entire second half of my shift (which ended an hour late because of course this would be the night that an emergency walks in 5 minutes before I'm supposed to leave), completely broke down again on my way home, but then he was waiting for me at the door and he apologized and held me for a while. I dearly hope we never fight like this again..

So glad you had a happy ending. Hugs

I am so glad that you made up and that he apologized. Some will say to leave our husbands/partners if they say something to us that is less than supportive, but I believe that it is bound to happen sometimes. My husband is very compassionate and understanding that our life has changed since I got sick and is the first to remind me about rest and pacing myself. However, every once in a whole he does get upset and tells me he wants me to get better so that we can do activities together, especially travel like we used to. I think we need to be understanding with them as well. I'm sure it is very hard to live with a person who is chronically ill. My better half gets upset with me especially when he sees me fall back into the old patterns that caused me so much stress and probably contributed to this illness in the first place. People pleasing is one of them. He sees me using my energy to worry about others instead of take care of myself and it upsets him. One thing I so find frustrating is that he is so positive that this is temporary and if I get enough rest and learn to care for myself the old me will magically re-appear. Sadly, from what I have read about Fivromyalgia that is not the case and I think eventually he will be in for a disappointment. He doesn't believe that this is a lifetime illness and thinks that I will heal in time. He has always been such a positive person and I don't want to rain on his parade.