Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
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I know I posted a little about this in the morning check in thread, but I'm pretty frustrated....
I'm going to give you a little background on the situation.
We moved into a house-share situation (to Maui from Oahu) less than a month ago. I only agreed to it because the landlord (who currently lives in the master room) said it was temporary till he figures out the cottage in the back which he will later move into. In the mean time we are stuck as house mates.
The man is in his 60's, divorced, children are all grown. He tends to get lectury about every little thing: what I feed my cats, recycling, guns, how much my cats should play out side, etc.
Yesterday I was having some stomach issues, bad cramps, etc, and ended up missing lunch. I finally got around to trying a little fruit cup and he caught me curled up on the couch trying to eat it, and began his intrusive lecture about sugars and how they cause 90% of diseases.
It wasn't just a lecture but an interrogation. He wanted to know my exact symptoms and how did I know THAT's what what was "wrong" with me (couldn't even pronounce fibromyalgia, btw), proceeded to grab the box my fruit cups came from and read to me just HOW MUCH sugars I was consuming. And let me know how that was poisoning my body.
I told the man sugars did NOT cause this illness and told the man off. But if that wasn't enough for him, during our dinner party later (we had surprise guests come over from Oahu) he would pause the conversation at the table about every few minutes to ask me how my stomach was doing. It was so embarrassing. And if THAT wasn't enough, this morning when I got up (hubby was still sleeping) he asked how I was feeling, I told him, "Sore all over... it must have been the rain last night..." (there was a heavy down pour at dinner). He responded by pointing to the window and said, "You want me to look outside and check if it actually rained last night? We can look right now!" He peaked out, "See it's dry..." (ignoring the mud puddles)," it must be stress. Maybe if you weren't so stressed out all the time, you would feel better!" Then walked off back into his room.
Clearly he didn't get the message yesterday and I really need to sit this guy down and tell him off again. Because seriously, I can't live with a dude like this.
I've been on DS since 2008 and yuo all know me pretty well.... and know I don't have an unhealthy diet. And more than anything, we all know we didn't do "this" to ourselves. And even more than that, it's none of his or anyone else's business to tell me what he thinks I should or should not be eating. Even worse, what weather patterns do or not do affect my pain!! This guy knows nothing about FM!
How do the rest of you folks deal with this kind of problem?
I know I posted a little about this in the morning check in thread, but I'm pretty frustrated....
I'm going to give you a little background on the situation.
We moved into a house-share situation (to Maui from Oahu) less than a month ago. I only agreed to it because the landlord (who currently lives in the master room) said it was temporary till he figures out the cottage in the back which he will later move into. In the mean time we are stuck as house mates.
The man is in his 60's, divorced, children are all grown. He tends to get lectury about every little thing: what I feed my cats, recycling, guns, how much my cats should play out side, etc.
Yesterday I was having some stomach issues, bad cramps, etc, and ended up missing lunch. I finally got around to trying a little fruit cup and he caught me curled up on the couch trying to eat it, and began his intrusive lecture about sugars and how they cause 90% of diseases.
It wasn't just a lecture but an interrogation. He wanted to know my exact symptoms and how did I know THAT's what what was "wrong" with me (couldn't even pronounce fibromyalgia, btw), proceeded to grab the box my fruit cups came from and read to me just HOW MUCH sugars I was consuming. And let me know how that was poisoning my body.
I told the man sugars did NOT cause this illness and told the man off. But if that wasn't enough for him, during our dinner party later (we had surprise guests come over from Oahu) he would pause the conversation at the table about every few minutes to ask me how my stomach was doing. It was so embarrassing. And if THAT wasn't enough, this morning when I got up (hubby was still sleeping) he asked how I was feeling, I told him, "Sore all over... it must have been the rain last night..." (there was a heavy down pour at dinner). He responded by pointing to the window and said, "You want me to look outside and check if it actually rained last night? We can look right now!" He peaked out, "See it's dry..." (ignoring the mud puddles)," it must be stress. Maybe if you weren't so stressed out all the time, you would feel better!" Then walked off back into his room.
Clearly he didn't get the message yesterday and I really need to sit this guy down and tell him off again. Because seriously, I can't live with a dude like this.
I've been on DS since 2008 and yuo all know me pretty well.... and know I don't have an unhealthy diet. And more than anything, we all know we didn't do "this" to ourselves. And even more than that, it's none of his or anyone else's business to tell me what he thinks I should or should not be eating. Even worse, what weather patterns do or not do affect my pain!! This guy knows nothing about FM!
How do the rest of you folks deal with this kind of problem?
1. Give him a copy of "Fibromyalgia for Dummies", having circled the word "Dummies" in bright red paint in case he didn't get the message.
2. Tell him very politely that you have medical doctors who would be *delighted* to know his credentials for treating medical conditions.
3. If he mentions you're stressed out again, tell him, "I find it stressful to be told how to live my life," and walk off.
Of course, I usually say nastily, "I'll have to give your name and number to all five of my doctors, they'll be delighted to know someone's cured me at one look."
He said: "I was just trying to help you. I don't like drama and if you're going to be the kind of tenants who will be nothing but drama then it's best you look for another place to rent when your 6 month lease expires. I was looking for good tenants who I can get along with and who can also take good care of this place, but it seems like that's not going to work out."
Oh great! So we're getting kicked out because my FM is none of his business?
He also complained about my mom who will be moving in sometime between Nov - Jan and her medical issues (which he was well aware of during the interview before signing the lease) and how she won't be productive to taking care of the property and will only be a "burden" to my poor husband in addition to taking care of the poor wife with fibro. (rolls eyes)
Give me a freakin break! Yeah this is going peachy!
Continued on by lecturing us about how he is 62 so he knows what he's talking about from his vast experience in life! (rolls eyes)
So that vast experience gives him the right to be an @sshole the rest of his life??
If he wants everything his own way, he needs to live alone, imho. Meantime, you have time to look elsewhere, and suggest he make his property a School Of His Life;-)
But my husband keeps reassuring us (both me and the landlord) that all will be fine and we just need more time to get to know one another. Somehow I get the feeling the conflict will only get worse over time. But it's obvious to me that he doesn't only want tenants, he wants to establish a dictatorship and have "yes-men" walking around who will toil and spin at his every command!
Ida, I've tried that line with him. Then got lectured about how all doctors are "quacks" sent by the government and drug companies to poison and / or control us. Which lead to a lecture about how I need to stop taking "drugs" that poison my body and get on an all organic diet instead. SMH
Seriously, I'm in my mid 30's and my husband is in his 40's. And my mom is in her late 60's. We really don't need his bs. Sigh. He needs to shape up or we're shipping out. Last thing I wanted was yet ANOTHER move! (grumble)
I hope you can find somewhere affordable to live away from weirdos. So many people think they know medicine, nutrition, etc., but all they know is sloppy pseudo-science/religion. Whatever makes them feel safe, I guess.
So sorry you have to go through this on top of fibro. I can't think of much worse...but I'm sure you will overcome it.
Btw, this is not a commune. lol. It's a nice house on a nice property with fruit trees. There's a cottage with it's own street address out in the front of the property near the road he rents out and he is currently trying to make another one in the back yard for himself.
I don't know what he means when he complained about my mother not being able to contribute to caring for the property... because he told us he will soon have yard service set up to start caring for the large yard. I think he was just trying to put her down while he was in the mood of finding excuses for why he didn't want us as tenants anymore. That's the only thing I can think of.
Just saying because he kept calling my husband "the poor husband" who was already stuck caring for his sick wife will then be stuck with the burden of caring for the disabled mother in law. He made it sound so pitiful. And that he was not sure he wanted to rent to that "situation". I tried to tell him that when my mom was living with us *I* took her to all her doc appts and monitored her meds. And he was like, "Oh! Forgive me!! I guess I was wrong! You're healthy, she's healthy! Everyone's healthy! And I have absolutely NOTHING to worry about!"
I am perplexed and don't know what he was getting at. It's none of his concern who takes care of who in my family. His job is just to be a landlord. And I reminded my husband of that after the landlord walked away because my husband told him not to worry, that "we" would be family??? OMG. I think my husband should stop sucking up to people and grow a backbone.
BTW, point out that your husband is married, whereas Mr. Landlord is *not*. So who exactly is the "poor" guy in this scenario, hmm?
Yeah. He just wishes he had a wife and a kid who cared, perhaps?
From what you have posted in the past your husband doesnt take care of you - you are independent. That crap needs to be shut down and also before your husband starts believing it.
You have a business agreement with him and he is being intrusive . WTH.
Milily, you are absolutely right. My husband works all day and other than that he's at the beach surfing, kite boarding, or hiking, etc. I'm alone most of the time taking care of my own problems. Yeah, poor him alright. What a bunch of bs. I hope he doesn't start believing those lies!
Callme, good suggestion!
There is absolutely nothing you can do to change this situation except move when your lease is up. Even when/if he arranges his cottage on the property, he's not going to leave you alone.
I have a co-worker with similar views, but I don't have to go home with her.
Sorry you're in this situation - I hope the time passes quickly.