I was told at 19 no kids. Tried. Lost 3. Said okay, nuff's nuff. And around 35, my ovaries started ticking.... felt like hormonal time bombs.... PROCREATE OR BOOM!
So I cried that I would not be having a kid, and informed my ovaries that they had to shut the heck up, because they don't run me, *I* run me. Biological urges. They suck. "Must Mate Must Procreate", ugh---happens cyclically when we're in our fertility segment of our monthly cycles, happens psychologically a bit too after the thirties hit. It's that subconscious acknowledgment that "Yes, we're almost out of childbearing years"---in your case, throwing in a dash of Soon-To-Be-Empty-Nest, maybe?

Anyway, I just kept telling my uterus and ovaries that they already run enough of my life, and I tend to lavish much affection on pets, friends, godchildren.

It died off for me after a couple years of actively reminding myself why it was a bad idea every day. Three times a day sometimes.

Hang in there. If your gut instinct says "Oh no!", then stick with that, okay? Because between FM and so on? Lotta risks.

And, not to be TMI, double up the birth control and have yourself some fun, because that, too, helped me. (Hubby long ago had a vasectomy, but you get the idea....) Happy endorphins!

OK, that's just TMI all around, sorry, but... well, hey, it helped me.

I too get that urge, but then think I have perfectly healthy 13 and 16 year olds, for whom I don't have energy for some days. Then I get in a kick I want a puppy, but the I try make myself understand how much work even they are!

Both hubby and my parents were in late 30's early 40's when we were born (14 and 11 years respectfully) and both know that we don't have great relationships with siblings because of age difference. Plus our parents just didn't have energy for us.

Good luck! I just wanted you to know that I completely understand where you are coming from. But it is just an urge! As my sister always says "break the factory and make it a playground!"

Thanks guys for the advice. I too have even thought about getting a dog but I know how much work that will be. I don't want the little guy to suffer because I want to sleep all day on the weekends. I just sometimes think I don't want my son to be alone in the world if something happened to his parents. I hope this feeling goes away soon. I just don't want to look back and wish I had done it. I hate fibro it makes life so difficult!

I"m going to try to be as gentle as possible but I've got to ask - if you don't want a dog to suffer because of all the work, how are you going to care for a child? You can put the dog out for a little while, or shut the bedroom door and take a nap - a child is much more intense.

For what it's worth, procreation is the second-strongest biological drive, right behind pure survival, so while I don't know about the timing of what you're feeling right now, I do know it's normal and some women have it stronger than others.

I hope you can work it out - I couldn't imagine having another child after I was diagnosed but we all gotta do what we gotta do.

I wouldn't be on my own with my child I do have a significant other. The dog I would be on my own with. Even with my 16 year old I find the time and strength to do what I have to do as a parent. I have fibromyalgia but I'm not completely helpless, I do get up and go to work everyday.

Just remember, a choice made with your uterus? Is a choice you make for *life*. You can re-home a dog. Not so much a child. And after 30, and especially 35, risks go up without any other health issues being involved.

I think people are losing sight of what my general questions was so I'm just going to leave this alone. Thanks for the posts.

Sorry, wasn't sure what exactly to say. I have no advice on how to Beat the Biological Clock beyond sticking my fingers in my ears and singing "LALALALALA" till it finally quiets down, alas. Sorry we couldn't be more helpful.

Perhaps I can help you since I can relate somewhat. When I was 35, I had the urge, and my husband and I decided to have one more. We already had a 14 year old daughter and 11 year old son. We had another boy. The pregnancy went well even though I had lots of aches and pains. I was not formerly diagnosed with FM until a year or so ago until I found the right doctor, but definitely know I have suffered with it for 15 plus years now. For me, it was a great decision. He is a very active 12 year old presently and keeps me busy. Although the other two are out of the house, they are involved in his life too even with the age difference. I also recently rescued a two year old dog. He keeps me active too since he loves to be walked. I am self employed too and work from home. I do believe that all the activity in my life keeps me healthier and out of pain. I actually feel worse with inactivity.

It is a very personal decision that you and your partner have to make and fully commit too. If you feel that you cannot commit fully to another child, there are plenty of dogs and cats that are in need of a caring and loving home. This may help to fill the void. It is perfect fully natural for you to be feeling like you do, especially given your age, where you are right on the cusp. If you do decide to have a baby, start trying soon as it sometimes can take a little longer as we age. Do not wait until you are at the age that you have to worry more about risk. I wish you luck with your decision.

I hope the above helps to answer your question, as I was not quite sure about what you were looking for.

LeoX3 it wasn't anything personal at you I loved your replies and I just wanted to know if any other ladies had acted on the urge or if they were better off ignoring it. No harm, my apologies if I come off gruff.

Larks,

Thank you for your reply, I was hoping to hear from someone who had went through with it and had a great story for me. I really appreciate you posting that. I'm pretty active except for weekends I work all week long (and I commute). My partner and I split the household chores and it works great for me. I know that I need to talk with my doctor about this if it's something I decide to do.

Thanks,

Melissa

So glad I could help! My youngest is such a joy and so glad we had him. Although I get tired out too, he keeps me going. Best of luck to you.

I was not, and am not, able to have biological children of my own, and that makes me very sad. Some days I feel like I've made peace with my whole situation; other days still find me completely devastated. But, deep down, I know that I couldn't be the kind of mom I'd want to be, or the kind of mom I feel my (hypothetical) kids deserve.* And I try to make those thoughts outweigh all of the what-ifs and what-could've-beens. Tough stuff.

I wish you much luck with your own personal and internal struggles with all of this, and I hope that with whatever you and your fianc decide on, it all works out for the very best.

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*Only speaking very personally, and not implying anything at all about any of the wonderful moms here or elsewhere!