Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
Does anyone else feel like fibromyalgia is screwing up a relationship with a significant other? Or at least contributing to screwing it up? Right now it's definitely affecting mine. Earlier today I had a breakdown, mostly because of work stuff, basically I'm stuck in a job that I hate and that's affecting my pain levels, but I have only been there 2 months and can't really leave (I was only at my last job for a year, and the one before that for 2 years-im realizing now that I never should have left this one). I'm having a couple breakdowns per week so it's nothing new, but I was hoping that my boyfriend would rub my back or something when he came home. Well he got here a few minutes ago, said something about work being stupid, and shut himself in the bedroom. We usually keep the door open so I asked if he shut it because he wanted me to leave him alone and he said yes, so I asked him if it was just work bothering him and he said "it's a little bit of everything", which is what he says when he's frustrated with me for whatever reason (usually it has to do wit me not wanting to have sex-depression and pain have reduced my sex drive to nothing, and GI issues make it uncomfortable). He also gets annoyed that I never want to go out and do anything (pain, fatigue and no money, enough said), or if I imply that he doesn't do enough (he does some weekly chores but despite him working part time and me working full-time, I do all the grocery shopping and cooking, and I pay all the mutual bills). So at this point I'm having another breakdown and most likely will end up sleeping on the couch, unless he comes out -_- I'm stressed enough that all three cats are laying on/next to me and the chunky one isn't even demanding food...More and more often I'm wishing I could just wake up with another life, because I am so sick of all this and I feel like I just can't take any more..
My husband has it and I am the support person for him and it has been the biggest challenge in our 8 years of marriage. It takes constant effort to be able to understand and support each other and keep our relationship alive. A few things that have helped us:
- for one month, we had two peices of paper taped to the inside of our ensuite bathroom door. Each day for the whole month we wrote something we loved about the other person
- he has major sleep issues so he doesn't go to sleep at the same time as me, but most nights he will still lay down beside me and make sure we have a moment to connect with each other at the end of the day and he holds my hand while I go to sleep
- our understanding is basically that I will be responsible for all the housework and child care and he will pitch in when he's able to. Sometimes I have to remind him that the only way this arrangement works is if I can trust that he will really pitch in when he's able to. But he usually does most of the errands and helps with cooking on good days. We used to fight about division of labor but now I can understand how much his fibro affects him and that it kills him to not be able to do more
- when he has flare ups, he basically stops communicating with me and disappears until the flare up starts getting better. It's very hard for him (obviously) and very lonely for me. I just asked him last night if he could make a special effort AFTER the flare ups to reconnect with me, even if it just means a hug and a thoughtful comment about how he appreciates my support
- sitting at our kitchen table causes him pain. So sometimes our whole family eats supper on the couch so we can be together
Those are just some things we've learned over the past year since his fibro started. It's not an easy path but it can be done