Fibromyalgia Support Group
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My husband's birthday is this weekend and I've planned on throwing him a party the day after, as a surprise. Not only am I regretting this decision, but on Friday, I'm being forced into driving an hour away to his father's and then being taken to an unknown restaurant. Saturday I'm also being forced into going to a drive-in movie with his sister and him.. and then Sunday his friends are taking him out for the day so I can set up. I'm really anxiousthat I'll get a flare up, like I usually do when I over do myself.. if I cancel going to see his family, my husband will scream at me and make me feel horrible like he usually does when I'm too sick to do anything he wants. I get it, its his birthday, but my health is declining, its completely unpredictable day by day, although I always get attacks at night and again, if I over do myself. Thinking about this is making me anxious to the point where my muscles are intensely tightening. Does anyone have advice? :(
I totally relate to this, if I cancel I get shit if I go I get sick. I started doing this pick my battle with what I do. I give my husband a ultimateum I just say Honey you know I am ill and I have not control over it so I want you to decide what one thing would you rather do or have me at. It is impossible for me to do all of them Plus I say I know your very understanding so I am letting you chose. this way the choice is his, and he cannot be angry with himself. then you say and this way I will be at my best for this occasion. Otherwise the chance of me being in excruitating pain and being miserable is high.
This actually has worked for me and lately my hubbie has been amazing about me being ill. I went out with friends for supper and then they decided to go to the casino this was hard for me to sit it one spot.but we all went together.So whenI got home my hubbie asked how I was I said tired, I would have rather come home but it's one night. So he was good about it. I have even changed Christmas Christmas eve our house, Christmas day we go late for supper , home early and do not go boxing day.As I am usually dead. I hope this helps I am hear if you need to chat bye love and prayers isabee
First, you need to stop talking about "being forced" to do anything. You're an adult and no one can force you to do anything against your will. To say or believe otherwise puts you in a "victim" mentality, and that's not a healthy place to be. You are not a victim. You have control over whether you choose to participate in any activity, or not.
Second, if you are truly being "forced," by coercion or otherwise, then that is abuse. Just the act of screaming at you borders on abuse. There are appropriate ways to settle disagreements and express feelings, and none them include raised voices.
Rdms94 mentioned couples counseling - I think that's a really good suggestion. He needs to find a way to cope with your health issues, and you need to figure out how to take care of yourself without feeling anxious or guilty. Both of you need to learn to relate in a more positive way, as equals who both have rights in the relationship.
None of that helps you get through the upcoming weekend, but unless you start addressing the underlying issues this scenario is going to keep repeating over and over, and that's no way for either of you to live.
I hope you get through the weekend with a minimum of pain, and that you can enjoy some of the activities and celebrate with your husband. Take full advantage of the time he's spending with friends to recharge your batteries and figure out how to stop this cycle.