Hi, This is a great question! I'm sure there a lot of people in your situation including myself that are single. So I hope you get the answers you need. However I totally feel your pain because I have the same issues like three days after I just wonder whether it is worth it so it's been a long time for me . Sorry I'm not much help.
Christine

Hi
I wondered if you did talk to your new guy whether he might appreciate the discussion. I am sure that even non-fibro people have issues with mis matched libidos even if not with the pain and after effects. .

You may be surprised at his reply but at least you have been honest and open with him instead of ending it and him. That way you know that you involved him in the decision.

Also as time goes on intimate times become less frequent, mainly due to every day living demands sad that I cant enjoy a "normal" intimate relationship with my OH too, but even when I was younger I found work etc used to grab my energy and now I have kids it is way down on the list of priorities, and many of my non-fibro married or long term relationship friends only manage once a month due to being exhausted.

As you get to know each other better you will figure it out, I hope that you figure it out wherever the road ahead takes you and thanks for raising the point, I have never discussed this on a forum before x

Let's face it, sex is a strenuous activity, and we fibromites usually try to avoid doing too much of those. Then again, it's not a chore but a pleasure, so can tend to be worth it sometimes.

As understanding as some people can be, it's impossible for a normal to 'really' grasp just how much anxiety this constant pain can cause us. Are you really able to talk to him about anything? This is a subject that needs to be discussed in depth, especially when it comes to reassuring him that you love being physically close to him.

There are no easy answers, Luna, only what you and he can decide together. I will try to do some research for you--it is something I'm pretty good at.

*gentle hugs*

I suggest talk to your partner, explain how you are feeling, and see if you can't come up with ways to make it more comfortable. Communication is the key. And, if he is someone you think a future can happen with then you will be beginning it with great communication.

A friend on here told me some great ideas. I agree with Katie angel, making love and intimacy is just as important . I know of many friends whose spouses left because they could not make love.
I can tell you that I have back and leg pain due to rsd and fibro and spine damage, It is all about positioning. If you can lay on your stomach with a pill under your tummy it will help take the pressure off your hips. It is also easier to complete a position. I am not saying anal. I am paralized from the waist down due to a bad nerve block. I have no feeling down below so I have to improvise. My friend told me a lot of info that I cannot say on the board but I will gladly write you personally and tell you . Because they worked for me . I don't think I ever said thank you. So I hope she reads this. thanks isabee

Have you discussed this with him at all? You mentioned that "it's unfair to him to be with me and not have a normal relationship", Let him make that decision. I understand where your coming from, I know it's not fair to my wife that I can't perform, and got real depressed over it, before I told her what I was upset about, she informed me that was her decision to make not mine. Just like it's his decision if it's unfair or not, It's not your decision.

There are a lot of things that can be done in place of intercourse, I won't discuss them here, but I'm sure you can think of them yourself, if not pm me and I'll give you some ideas.

Relax. Let him do the work.

Sparhawk, that was one of the nicest stories I have heard on her! Good for you for taking a chance on your loved one and now living a life you wouldn't changed! One for the GOOD GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sparhawk, you are a very welcome addition to this group, as you can always help us gain perspective by speaking from the 'symathetic' side. It really, really helps, and thank you!

I have a lot of the same feelings as you. This life is not one that I would choose for myself or my daughter. Therefore I have a very difficult time comprehending why anyone else would choose this life for himself& his kid. It's a conversation we have fairly regularly but he continues to stand beside me.

As far as the sex I know that I'm going to hurt afterwards. I have been in pain 24/7 for the last 4 months. There have been a few occasions that we could have had sex but didn't......but most of the time I will start it because at least during I either am not in as much pain or the focus is elsewhere.

Talk to the BF. Good luck.

Okay, sorry to break in but I am curious as to where you hurt after sex? I mean I get the knees, led, etc...where else?

For me it's my shoulders or my back, hips, & legs depending on position.

Ok, first of all I am very open-minded about sex, so here goes. Side sex where he spoons you from behind., that way you can adjust your hips & legs comfortably. One leg up, down, sideways. Also in this position if your leg gets tired he can hold it up for you and still get his business done.This almost never hurts my back. Also resting your legs on his shoulders when he is on top. The best thing for me is re-positioning my body ever so slightly every few minutes. Talk openly about how each position feels with him as you are in the act. Men are very inventitive and imaginative in this area. He is younger and more likely & willing to keep trying different things. Work up your minutes by taking it slowly. A pillow supporting my lumbar spine helps. I have been wanting to try a sex swing for a few years now, I think that would be less pressure on the body. I think the best advice is a good man who is willing to help experiment with you to be able find what makes you feel the best and allows you to have a great experience. Men do not dislike women talking(instructing) them during sex, especially the younger ones.
Sex releases Endorphins, which are actually natural painkillers, so I think practice and experimentation is best!!!
One more thing. It is very helpful if you could get him to satisfy( the big O) you during foreplay, that way your body will be more relaxed(i.e. muscles) when it comes time for intercourse.
Don't be down on yourself. Don't end things with him before you have a nice conversation with him, You will know if it is worth your time or not by his response and ideas. If he is a good man or has potential this will give him a purpose and a challenge to fulfill your needs. So that you can enjoy the pleasures of sex together. You never know if he is the One, so don't quit without trying a little.
Don't give up, I was with a man 20 years my junior just a few years ago, and he always reminded me that I was quite the trooper. I am 48, and I almost always date younger men, so I know that good ones are out there.
P.S. This talk is making me want to go find me one of those Men things though. LOL