Fibromyalgia Support Group
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I just need to vent. Typically my husband is awesome.....he helps out tons with what I can't do, and picks up a lot of my slack when I am not feeling well.
However, on weekends, especially when we have my step-daughter, it seems like he does a lot of sitting on the couch. I totally understand that he needs his downtime, he works two jobs. I try very hard to give him downtime as much as possible. But he sees his daughter Monday and Wed evenings, and works a second job as a bouncer Thursday and Sat nights. I try my best to pick up the slack when he is not home, and I let him sleep in on Sundays. But I never get to sleep in, I work three days and the other four I take care of our 7-month old, so I am always up early when she is up. And on the weekends, especially with my step-daughter here, I feel like I do too much, and no one offers to help unless I specifically ask for it.
If you are sitting on the couch (and have been for a long time) and you see me struggling to get dinner ready, and the baby fed, is it wrong for me to expect him to OFFER to help? He always says that I just need to ask and he will help, and I know he would, but I just wish he would offer once in awhile, especially if he knows I am not feeling well. Is that out of line?? Thoughts?
However, on weekends, especially when we have my step-daughter, it seems like he does a lot of sitting on the couch. I totally understand that he needs his downtime, he works two jobs. I try very hard to give him downtime as much as possible. But he sees his daughter Monday and Wed evenings, and works a second job as a bouncer Thursday and Sat nights. I try my best to pick up the slack when he is not home, and I let him sleep in on Sundays. But I never get to sleep in, I work three days and the other four I take care of our 7-month old, so I am always up early when she is up. And on the weekends, especially with my step-daughter here, I feel like I do too much, and no one offers to help unless I specifically ask for it.
If you are sitting on the couch (and have been for a long time) and you see me struggling to get dinner ready, and the baby fed, is it wrong for me to expect him to OFFER to help? He always says that I just need to ask and he will help, and I know he would, but I just wish he would offer once in awhile, especially if he knows I am not feeling well. Is that out of line?? Thoughts?
My husband is great but since his mom moved in, he also seems to sit, blindly while I try to do everything.
My pride doesn't want to ask for help in front of his mom,(she's from the generation where men do not do housework,) but all of her sons have wives that work,except me,now, and all have to help at home.
My husband has been disabled for 9 yrs now, and did all the work when I was working and couldn't do much else.
But , I'm not sure why, since his mom moved in, he will sit in that recliner until I start slamming things in kitchen,(only once!) or he hears me, crying or fussing to myself.
He says he just does'nt think,that he's watching TV and doesn't pay attention unless I ask for help.
He has always helped, without me asking,so I just can't figure out why???
Late at night, after she goes to bed we'll talk,and he'll promise to help more,but after about a day, same old thing....
She is 79, and I try to respect that, by getting her drink ,for her,or carrying her plate, but then she can go to store and leave me standing.......
Oh well, I didn't help, but I can defintely empathise with you! Rose's idea is really good. unless you get grumpy when you hurt like i sometimes do.
How old is your step-daughter? Old enough to help or hinder?
I guess, if we're desparate well learn to ask, even if we can't understand asking for the same thing every day..
Maybe its a man thing,they go blind and forgetful again each day!! I'm just kidding, please do not send hate mail to me.LOL
If anyone can explain what's going on,male or female. I'd love to know. We've been married for 36 yrs but this baffles me???
I do know how lucky I am to have such a loving and supportive husband, and I make sure to let him know this as much as I can. Thanks again everyone for the great advice and for listening. :)
My hubby cooks about 6 out of 7 days a week. I hate cooking only because I start to shake and get weak kneed when standing in one spot too long. It's agony. I have been trying to make supper more often but really, I couldn't care less if I ate cereal and toast for supper or oatmeal every night! lol
We really do have to remember that they, as my husband says, "didn't pass Clairvoyance 101" and we need to suck it up and ask, even though we sometimes think it should be oh so obvious that we need help.
I really am glad you talked to him and that he took it well. Now if you can accept that he needs a bit more "asking" from you, you're on the right track!
My dad told me once that subtle to the male is a ballpeen hammer on the foot. If you need help, ask him to pick up a job with dinner.
I think we want to know that they notice our pain and care for us, when on some level they miss mastadon hunting. Fibro is not a beast they can slay for us and lay at our feet.
My new thing is - when I'm done, I'm done. The kids will happily make sandwiches if they need to and more often than not, hubby will make something or offer to go retrieve something. If he hasn't offered, but I ask, he'll go get something. It is something concrete he can do, and because I specifically ask for it, then he doesn't have to worry about missing the guess.