Fibromyalgia Support Group
You're not alone in your pain. Fibromyalgia is a condition that can be difficult to diagnose and manage. If you're trying to cope with pain throughout your body, sleep problems, general fatigue, or other common fibromyalgia symptoms, you're in the right place. The community is here for you to talk about therapies and share your challenges.
My wife has been going through a particularly difficult time over the past several months. The result of all of this is that she feels like she is at the end of her rope. She feels numb and disconnected from her body ... even though it continues to generate pain constantly. She has told me several times in the past couple of weeks that she doesn't even know who she is any more. She feels like a complete stranger. She wonders why she has to endure this. She has had a persistant crushing headache for the past week. Tylenol and Excedrin don't do much at all. She can't take Ibuprofin due to allergies and a dose of Naproxin several years ago nearly killed her due to the reaction it created in her body. She feels like giving up and keeps apologizing to me about how "I'm stuck living my life with a crazy, broken, defective woman." Her libido is out the window and her comments to me range from indifferent to mean at times. I love her very much and want to help her through this difficult time. The doctors are clueless and just keep offering Rx meds in the hope that "something" will work.
I do what I can. I massage her feet, legs, arms, and back. I have started to do even more of the house work because I can see how uncomfortable she is. She has been very tired over the past week as well. The spark of life has gone from her eyes. She feels like staying in bed all day and disconnecting herself from life ... just veg in bed. She realizes that this can't be done but it is how she feels.
I'm at a loss ... I'm hurting because she is hurting and it doesn't seem like there is anything anyone can do to help. At the same time, my 17 year old son is struggling with depression. His grades are slipping badly at school and he doesn't seem to have any motivation to do much but goof around and waste time. I'm also doing my best to help my younger two children complete their school work so they can do well in schoo. One of my step-daughters is getting a divorce and all of this is just piling on the stress for both my wife and I. I have been on the verge of tears for the past few days. Any advice is welcom.
I do what I can. I massage her feet, legs, arms, and back. I have started to do even more of the house work because I can see how uncomfortable she is. She has been very tired over the past week as well. The spark of life has gone from her eyes. She feels like staying in bed all day and disconnecting herself from life ... just veg in bed. She realizes that this can't be done but it is how she feels.
I'm at a loss ... I'm hurting because she is hurting and it doesn't seem like there is anything anyone can do to help. At the same time, my 17 year old son is struggling with depression. His grades are slipping badly at school and he doesn't seem to have any motivation to do much but goof around and waste time. I'm also doing my best to help my younger two children complete their school work so they can do well in schoo. One of my step-daughters is getting a divorce and all of this is just piling on the stress for both my wife and I. I have been on the verge of tears for the past few days. Any advice is welcom.
Now, I know I do not have the same pain issues as your wife...and neither does anyone else on this site. It's all subjective. The most important thing for me in dealing with this illness is to keep a positive attitude. Let me tell ya though, some days it's extremely difficult to keep a good outlook on life when every time you move you feel pain. Some days I really have to strain to see the good things in my life. However, your state of mind plays a HUGE role in pain levels. You can't give into it, or it will chew up your soul and spit it out on the ground.
As far as the intimacy thing...I can tell you first hand that when I'm at a high level of pain, the mere suggestion of being intimate will give my husband an "animal caught in a bear trap" response. To me, the idea of asking for something physical from me when I'm in obvious pain is not only an insult, but extremely insensitive. I'd never dream of asking my husband to satisfy me if he was hurting or suffering. To me, it feels like a slap in the face.
I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm just sharing with you how *I* feel when that conversation comes up. Please remember that she wouldn't behave this way if the pain wasn't there. She doesn't hate you, she hates the pain.
In regards to medicine, unfortunately it seems that medication is one of the few things that gave me my life back. I don't like it and I don't like taking them, but given my options...it's what I have. Not saying that other methods aren't useful, and to be honest...Tai Chi helps a lot also. No idea why, but I feel better afterward....physically and emotionally. When you have this sort of life altering condition, you need to try EVERYTHING, no matter how much you hate it. Good Lord, I'd chew a mouthful of sand every day if it meant being pain free.
Another thing....don't forget "you". You've been a mountain of strength for your family, but you won't be any good to anyone if you neglect yourself. Going and going until you run out of gas will simply leave you stranded on the side of the road. Set aside some "me" time, even if it's just for an hour each day. Perhaps set aside one evening a week to go out with your friends and unwind. It will do wonders for your state of mind.
P.S. 17 year old's, by definition, equals "doesn't seem to have any motivation to do much but goof around and waste time". That's normal. I have to kick my 17 year old in the butt on a daily basis to get him to do anything. Have a talk with your kids in regards to how much of a workload you have and start to delegate some responsibilities to them. Make a list of things that need to be done each day or once a week and let them decide on which items to choose...and no they can't decline to help. Either they choose, or you choose for them. They are part of the family and they need to do their part in supporting it.
Never focus on the problem. Acknowledge the problem and focus on the solutions. There are ALWAYS options.
Can your children stay after school to get some work done? Is there programs where they can do this? I would reach out to their school and teachers for some help, so they can get their work done, study, or have a tutor even. For you son too, does he see a therapist? That may help, or to have an outlet or something that he wants to do as a way of motivation, whether its a sport, music, etc.
Hope that things get better. I think that husbands of those with Fibro need even more support than we do sometimes! :)
We have tried to get my 17 year old son to go to therapy. He went to several sessions over the summer and was fine talking about his job and impersonal stuff - but he refused to talk about anything that was bothering him. His issues create tension between him and everyone else in the family which raise stress levels which magnify the pain my wife is feeling. The counselor diagnosed him with moderate depression (stemming from the divorce between his mom and I among other things). She also diagnosed him with ADHD - but it is only manifested when he is depressed. I'm trying really hard to be a good man in a storm here.
The thing with finding a counselor for your teen...you need to find the right one. Any ol' counselor will not do. Not only does the counselor need to specialize in teens, but it will take a year or more for your young man to open up. Not everyone is born knowing how to deal with feelings and emotions, and quite frankly...you may have stumbled across a counselor that he simply didn't like, or isn't suited for young adults. It makes a difference. You wouldn't want a podiatrist performing heart surgery on you would ya?
I agree about the counseling as well...maybe even the kids could find some kind of support group for kids with illness in the family? Also, dont know if anyone mentioned it already, but many of the drugs, the Rx ones and the OTC ones can also cause or increase depression symptoms. Yes, the pain can wear us down to depression....but so can the cocktail of med's we try to support us. And, at least in my case (I'm 52) hormonal menopause (or for younger gals peri-meno) can cause me physical and emotional distress....sadness, exhaustion and panic also. Between this condition and all the other things...it can be a 'not-so-merry-go round!"
Good luck and it is commendable that you are trying so hard to support your wife and family. Will keep you in my prayers :)
BTW, I have had some help with tai'chi as others mentioned and also from accupunture....might give it a try too......
Teens are very difficult to deal with, and they will not talk to someone unless they are ready and willing. And having two people in the family in a depressed state at the same time is bad for everyone. I always found it helpful with teens to let them know that a counselor is someone they can talk to confidentially and noone else needs to know, with certain limitations--suicidal, homicidal, or somehow a danger to someone. Being a teen in and of itself is sometimes depressing.
When there is an illness in a family, the whole family is involved. I wonder if a session of family counseling would be helpful to have an outside party provide some direction.
Please take care of yourself. It's easy to get lost in the responsibllity of taking care of everyone. If you feel like crying, go ahead. It's cleansing and it lets your family know you're human.
Herbs can be helpful for stress. I like valerian or kava kava for sleep and rhodiola for reducing stress.
This is a great place to come when you want to vent or want support or information. Try to get your wife to come here, even if it's just to say hi, I'm new. She will be surprised by the response.
Take care, and let us know how things go.
For me i just set my bed up as the "OFFICE" thats the first place everyone comes & iam always in! i pull back the covers & invite them to lye awhile!
healing prayers & angels to watch & guide you & your family!
"WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY HERE" maybe you could pm some of the guys too! if they don't post to this!
ya might have to pull a tough love meeting while youlove is napping & get the family together & tell how it is to straighten up! healing prayers & angels to watch & guide you & your family