Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My bf and i have been together for yr and a half and have 5 children between us and my daughter and his son look at the other adult as their parent since they dont know their biological. My bf is very mentally and verbally abusive and has threatened physical abuse. How long is too long to stay and tolerate this for the kids? Im not happy, he'd rather be drinking with his buddies than spending time with the family and it hurts us all. If i have to go somewhere im on a time limit but he can just walk out the door and be gone for as long as he wants yey he tells me he doesnt need me. I do everything. I cook i clean i take care of his kids and i want out. I wanna feel loved, needed and appreciated
If you or the kids are in physical danger, please seek help immediately from a women's shelter or relatives/friends. There will be many sudden adjustments, which will be hard, but will be worth it in the long range.
If there are financial problems, seek counseling for yourself even if he won't go. Many therapists work on sliding scale if you ask them. Public mental health services can be of help, too. Let them help you get stronger as the next steps unfold.
If you are strong enough to command a healthier relationship, and he knows it, he might consider counseling in order to save the relationship. Plus, if his drinking is beyond social, it would give him the opportunity to get help early on. If not, this relationship is in grave danger and trying to stick it out "as is" won't work for the betterment of the family. Abuse (verbal or otherwise) floods the system with too much cortisol and changes the brain wiring in the growing our children. Children REQUIRE nurturing, validation and love to develop properly. Adults with too much cortisol in their system don't do well either, for it takes a toll on your body.
May the strength of others going before you doing the same thing, give you hope. Keep us posted on your progress, okay?
When the verbal abuse starts; it wouldn't fall within the realm of disbelief to say that the physical abuse will follow.
Whomever you have in your support system that you can confide in, I would start talking to them now on what avenues/next steps you should take. You may have formed an attachment to his children but ultimately, it's your children and yourself that should come first. And if you feel that he's mistreated his own children then he should be reported to the proper authorities.
This man is NOT going to go to counseling in hopes that he can maintain a healthy relationship with you. What I promise you he will do is further verbally abuse you and he just may follow up with physical abuse.
What you should be thinking in my opinion:
Threaten me once with physical abuse, shame on you!
Threaten me again with physical abuse and possibly fulfill that threat; shame on me!
I wouldn't give this man "one single inch"