Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My partner and I are 19 and want to get engaged, we’ve been together since we started high school (13 years-old). But we don’t have the family support network around us. My parents don’t like the idea and his parents won’t take it seriously. We wouldn’t be getting married for a year or two anyway because we’re saving already for a deposit on a house. We aren’t planning to have some kind of flashy, expensive wedding (or engagement ring for that matter). We’re both simplistic people and love to do things for ourselves.
Our friendship group always ask if we’re ever going to take that step (group of all guys, who have been friends with my partner for 10+ years). I guess to them it feels like my partner and I have been together for enternity hahaha, but it’s great because they ALWAYS include me. Their ‘boys nights out’ always has me included because I get along with them just like one of the guys. They’re also very defensive of me like any friends would be, they don’t hesitate to speak up for me against other people. It’s like a group of big brothers to me.
So our friendship group is brilliant and so supportive, it’s just our parents.
We understand we’re young, but when put into perspective, we’ve been together for 5 years. We also recently experienced a miscarriage (not a planned pregnancy) but nevertheless it was very emotional for both of us because I’m not likely to ever conceive but I’ve never felt so emotionally raw with him. He makes me feel like a child again when we’re together, we’re always just having fun, even if we’re just spending the day doing absolutely nothing.
I really do love him more than I could describe using any words. I just don’t know what to do about our families.
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Due to my increased paranoia, anxiety, and a panic attack over the weekend, my psychiatrist has put me back in a full dose of Zyprexa until further notice. Every time I think I'm getting ahead something happens and it's back to square one. I knew he was gonna do this but I can't help feeling disappointed. It is what it is.
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Well, good morning to you!Today is National Roller Coaster Day. Are any of you going?It's also National Tell-A-Joke Day! Come up with some and share!I'm not bright with jokes these days, but I'll start:"Today I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon...I'll let you know." :D
If you want to get engaged I would get engaged..... Has he bought you a ring yet?.... Maybe when you move forward with the engagement people will take it more seriously
I think that it's great that the two of you have been together for so long, but I will tell you that the challenges of adult life are very different from those of high schoolers.
Negotiating how to pay bills, who cleans the bathrooms, who stays up late with a sick kid and then still has to go to work in the morning...is just so different from getting along in a group going out.
Right now the small amount of money spent if one of you gets a coffee out...is no big deal. At a time when every penny counts...it changes. And those small expenses add up quick.
That's when phrases like "I deserve it", or "I need it" can really cripple a relationship.
I tell my kids that it's like this: If there is $100 extra, split evenly that would give each of them about $30-$40. The extra money, will always end up being needed for something for the house. The money goes fast...a pizza, toilet paper. Something is always needed.
For chores...split "evenly" you're EACH going to have to be putting in 60-70% of the work. Why more than 50-50? Because someone will end up sick...or extra chores will need done.
Those are the issues marriages fall apart on: Money and Chores.
As well as the two of you are getting alone...neither of you have probably had to do them all on your own without family support, reminders, or whatever. People tend to want to eat every day. Clean clothes every day. Negotiating issues for once or twice, is nothing like doing it hundreds of times in a row.
If you want your parents to think that you're more grown up. Then take over doing 100% of the day to day chores of the house. Make dinner, and clean it up for yourselves, your parents, AND your siblings every day...sick or not...for the next few months. Do that and you'll develop a system. You'll start thinking ahead..."What will I be making for dinner three days from now? What do I need from the store? What time do I have to start cooking to get it done in time? Afterwards, how long will it take to clean up?"
I wish you the best in life, Patti
He currently works a few days a week and I’m out of work due to chronic illness, but I’m about to start shift work again in a prison which is good pay. He’s about to start full time as well.
I was brought up in a family where it’s very classic and stereotypical gender roles, man works, women clean etc. But my partner loves cooking dinner for myself and his family, he’s also a very clean person. He’s brilliant when it comes to taking care of me when I’m extremely unwell, just earlier this year I was in ICU for a week in resp failure twice and when I got out of hospital he went above and beyond.
I’ve been babysitting newborns as a casual job for years, so although I dont know exactly what it’s like with their 24/7 demands, I can acknowledge what it would be like. It’s the most amazing thing I’ve done thus far in my life.
Since 16 I’ve dealt with very adult life issues being chronically ill, in effect my partner has dealt with the backhand of it as well. I’m currently living off $250 a fortnight quite well, budgeting is something my partner and I do well. This includes appointment bills, medications, general groceries and other general things we need. We’re not very extravagant people, we understand eachother’s needs very well which is great. We certainly know how to put needs before wants.
But I do thank you for your input from a parent’s perspective, it’s a perspective I won’t understand till I’m in that position. So thank you
Reading your post reminds me of my story... I am currently 21 (almost 22 years old). My (now) husband and I have a similar story. We have been together since we were in middle school - 13 years old. Once we graduated high school, we were still going strong, sure that we wanted to be married before we had kids or moved in together, My family that I was raised in, is very dedicated to the Christian faith, including my husband and myself. My in-laws, not so much. Which is fine, except when we would butt heads every step of the way for our relationship decisions. While my husband and I were sure that we wanted to get engaged, get married, start a family, etc, his parents thought we were too young.
Well, we continued talking about marriage and showed his parents how ready we were. We made the little steps and got them ready for the reality of our relationship. We got married when we were 19.
Here is the advice I have for you: respect your parents, but also respect yourself and your partner. As it sounds like you do. It is important to make your own decisions, especially at 19. As I'm sure you want to please your parents, or else you would not be having this internal conflict. I think you should start with baby steps. Explain to your family (maybe write them a letter) explaining why you think this is a good next step. Or maybe start with a promise ring, instead of a engagement ring. I'm sure you and your partner want your parents' approval, but it is not mandatory... You sound like you have life figured out... We live in a society that young marriage is not in the norm. That you need to have lived life and have everything figured out before you can make any commitments.
My husband and I disagreed - we believe that you can figure life out together! Make the hard decisions and mistakes together. It's much easier to not do it alone. You will struggle in life either way, at times. Why not do it with the one you love most.
Hope some of that helps. Good luck!
I tried subtly bringing it up with my parents again today, but they are very avoidant of the topic. I’ll admit they’re cynical of engagement and marriage, mainly because they’re actually divorced themselves (but still together.) My dad has never had a filter on his opinion about marriage, he thinks it “always leads to divorce”.
My partner and I already have a promise ring (this was brought into our relationship when we were 17 when I became extremely ill and we weren’t very sure of my prognosis at that point.)
I guess it’s impossible to keep everyone 100% happy, I guess as long as my partner and I know what we’re doing and we are prepared for each other then that’s the most important thing.
Again, thank you so much for your comment, it’s nice to hear things from someone in a similar boat.