Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am new to this board but been on DS for awhile. Let me give brief background.
I moved from NY to IL four years ago to be with my husband. Left behind my whole family (mom, dad, sister, grandparents). My parents are divorced and both remarried. Everyone was sad to see me go but happy for me since I was finally happy after a rough divorce and few years.
I visited home as much as I could and my sister and mom visited me frequently, everything was fine. In the past few years, both of my grandparents passed away, and my sister has become estranged from my Dad and his wife (that's a whole other story). Dad & wife are probably moving to FL soon anyway. So pretty much it was just my mom, her husband and my sister left, they lived in the same house, two separate apartments.
I got pregnant beginning of the year after two miscarriages. Everyone was thrilled. At 32 weeks, diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, put on bed rest, Mom came to stay with me for a few weeks to help out. Very stressful time, frequent hospital stays. They finally decided to induce me at 36w2d. Very long story short, I had severe complications after C-section (induction failed), and went into respiratory failure twice. My sister and Dad & wife flew out immediately during the crisis (this is what caused my sister to become estranged from them, their behavior while I was hospitalized). I recovered and finally went home. Baby was perfectly fine, no complications for her.
Since she was born, I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, been in constant pain, and back to work part time. My mom made the difficult decision of moving here with her husband, for at least a few years to help me out and watch baby while I work as much as I can. Mom felt terrible leaving my sister behind. But I needed her more and she wanted to be with her only grandchild to see her grow.
My sister had moved in with her boyfriend right before my mom decided to move here, possibly in anticipation of mom moving. In my opinion, not the greatest relationship, not the greatest family to get involved with, but she seems happy so I keep quiet.
Anyway, since my Mom moved here, my sister has been EXTREMELY angry. She intellectually understands why mom had to come, but emotionally is very hurt and feels abandoned, like she has no family. The first few months after baby was born things were ok, but now that mom is here, my sister has become very distant. My mom keeps asking me to reach out to her and call her, which I have been doing, but she usually just says she is busy and we don't really talk anymore. I totally understand that she is upset and I feel horrible. But I am now hurt that she is pulling away from me, won't come and visit the baby at all, and it doesn't make sense to me that her complaint is that she is abandoned but then distances herself more.
Maybe I am being selfish, but I am also hurt that she has not once asked me how I am doing or feeling since my diagnosis. I constantly call and text her and make sure to ask her about her life, her new job, etc. But she never asks about me. It is very unlike her, we were always close and it really hurts.
Anyone have any advice? I really don't know what to do. I don't want to make her feel worse and give her a guilt trip about not talking to me, but I don't know what to do. I really need as much support as I can get now, and I know she does too, and this seems like such a waste. Thanks for listening.
I moved from NY to IL four years ago to be with my husband. Left behind my whole family (mom, dad, sister, grandparents). My parents are divorced and both remarried. Everyone was sad to see me go but happy for me since I was finally happy after a rough divorce and few years.
I visited home as much as I could and my sister and mom visited me frequently, everything was fine. In the past few years, both of my grandparents passed away, and my sister has become estranged from my Dad and his wife (that's a whole other story). Dad & wife are probably moving to FL soon anyway. So pretty much it was just my mom, her husband and my sister left, they lived in the same house, two separate apartments.
I got pregnant beginning of the year after two miscarriages. Everyone was thrilled. At 32 weeks, diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, put on bed rest, Mom came to stay with me for a few weeks to help out. Very stressful time, frequent hospital stays. They finally decided to induce me at 36w2d. Very long story short, I had severe complications after C-section (induction failed), and went into respiratory failure twice. My sister and Dad & wife flew out immediately during the crisis (this is what caused my sister to become estranged from them, their behavior while I was hospitalized). I recovered and finally went home. Baby was perfectly fine, no complications for her.
Since she was born, I have been diagnosed with fibromyalgia, been in constant pain, and back to work part time. My mom made the difficult decision of moving here with her husband, for at least a few years to help me out and watch baby while I work as much as I can. Mom felt terrible leaving my sister behind. But I needed her more and she wanted to be with her only grandchild to see her grow.
My sister had moved in with her boyfriend right before my mom decided to move here, possibly in anticipation of mom moving. In my opinion, not the greatest relationship, not the greatest family to get involved with, but she seems happy so I keep quiet.
Anyway, since my Mom moved here, my sister has been EXTREMELY angry. She intellectually understands why mom had to come, but emotionally is very hurt and feels abandoned, like she has no family. The first few months after baby was born things were ok, but now that mom is here, my sister has become very distant. My mom keeps asking me to reach out to her and call her, which I have been doing, but she usually just says she is busy and we don't really talk anymore. I totally understand that she is upset and I feel horrible. But I am now hurt that she is pulling away from me, won't come and visit the baby at all, and it doesn't make sense to me that her complaint is that she is abandoned but then distances herself more.
Maybe I am being selfish, but I am also hurt that she has not once asked me how I am doing or feeling since my diagnosis. I constantly call and text her and make sure to ask her about her life, her new job, etc. But she never asks about me. It is very unlike her, we were always close and it really hurts.
Anyone have any advice? I really don't know what to do. I don't want to make her feel worse and give her a guilt trip about not talking to me, but I don't know what to do. I really need as much support as I can get now, and I know she does too, and this seems like such a waste. Thanks for listening.
Also, I think it's more of an issue between mom and sister. I'd keep my nose out of it since you're the one that caused mom to move...let your mom and sister figure things out in their relationship. It really not about you, but sister's feelings towards mom's decision.
On a different note, please realize how lucky you are to have family to support you through your pregnancy and birth. I too had a horrible pregnancy and c-section. My son was born at 35 weeks 5 days; he spent to weeks in NICU due to a lung infection and not feeding properly. My family never visited (they live between 15-20 hours away by car). My husband's parents visited once (very briefly) and they live in the same town we were hospitalized in. You are truly blessed.