Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am at a complete loss. I am terrified,angry, depressed you name it.
Due to extreme pain issues in my back and neck I have not been able to work. My husband has been the sole provider.
In recent years he got us into 100k worth of debt not to mention six years back taxes. We went to consumer credit counseling to help us pay back the money recently. However he simply doesn't have enough nor make enough to keep up. At this point we are going to lose everything unless there are other options.
When we went to the consumer counseling he told me he had two money sources. As it turns out he was not telling the truth. I have a small inheritance and now he wants me to give that to him. The issue is that all that money would do is put off the inevitable a few months.
What is so upsetting is that he has told me none of this until it was too late. Blow after blow emotionally, psychologically and monitarily. Our marriage has always been difficult and I have stayed where I probably should have left.
I am at a loss. If I stay and give him the money the ship will sink anyway. If I leave I feel like a terrible human being. This is a thirty five year marriage that has had some very serious difficulties. I have taken him to counseling, and each time the counselor suggested we part ways. They felt the situation was way too volitile to even fix. With the monetary pressures I am at my breaking point. Even if I wanted to work jobs are scarce, and I haven't worked in my lifetime and am now 55.
I can't eat, I can't sleep. I'm horrified, I'm confused...I need feedback.
Due to extreme pain issues in my back and neck I have not been able to work. My husband has been the sole provider.
In recent years he got us into 100k worth of debt not to mention six years back taxes. We went to consumer credit counseling to help us pay back the money recently. However he simply doesn't have enough nor make enough to keep up. At this point we are going to lose everything unless there are other options.
When we went to the consumer counseling he told me he had two money sources. As it turns out he was not telling the truth. I have a small inheritance and now he wants me to give that to him. The issue is that all that money would do is put off the inevitable a few months.
What is so upsetting is that he has told me none of this until it was too late. Blow after blow emotionally, psychologically and monitarily. Our marriage has always been difficult and I have stayed where I probably should have left.
I am at a loss. If I stay and give him the money the ship will sink anyway. If I leave I feel like a terrible human being. This is a thirty five year marriage that has had some very serious difficulties. I have taken him to counseling, and each time the counselor suggested we part ways. They felt the situation was way too volitile to even fix. With the monetary pressures I am at my breaking point. Even if I wanted to work jobs are scarce, and I haven't worked in my lifetime and am now 55.
I can't eat, I can't sleep. I'm horrified, I'm confused...I need feedback.
Do you have a diagnosis, a reason for the back and neck pain? Would you be considered disabled? Can you apply for disability? I don't know what the rules are, but if you have a diagnosis it might be worth checking into to see if you qualify for social security disability payments.
If you are considering bankruptcy as a couple you should realize that any and all assets you have right now, including an inheritance are considered as part of the bankruptcy process. If you stay with him and declare bankruptcy together the inheritence will most likely go to settle your debts. I don't know what state you are in, but an inheritance might be considered community property as well? I don't know. That's a question for a divorce lawyer.
If you decide to seperate, make it a legal seperation so that there is a clear starting point for dealing with assets later on.
I think if it were me, my first step would be talking with a lawyer who specializes in divorce. Many will do a free initial consultation. You need to get some sense of what will happen to your community assets and your debts if you seperate or divorce. Or see if there is a local non profit legal aid organization in your area. Knowledge is power. The more you learn the more capable you'll be when it comes time to make some hard decisions.
I have something called cauda equina. The reason I have not applied is I never worked. Social Security is based on what you pay in. In my case I never did I was a housewife. If I seperate and am without a home or funds, then I might qualify for SS2, but you have to be seperated a year and show no income or potential to earn one.
Do you have children you could live with for awhile that would help you and not just take your inheritance monies?
Like you, I have been emotionally, mentally and physically abused by him, so I too am terrified to leave. But the thing that I want to say to you is, you should leave, and the sooner you leave the better, you're only 55, your not 100 yet!!!
There are plenty of things that you can do except from working. You can use some of your inheritance to rent a small appartment, and invest some of it in setting up a small business. That's what I've done. I started up a small business on ebay a few months ago, when I first realised that my marriage was more about me giving, and my business is giving me enough money to live from week to week. Once the recession is over though, my business will really take off, and the best thing is, my business only cost a few hundred pounds. Do not go bankrupt!!! I used to work as a debt collector and I can tell you that people who are declaired bankrupt are treated like criminals, it's worse than being put on probation, you need to visit your bankruptcy officer every month, and they give you an allowance to live off, which is the very bare minimum. If you leave your husband now, you may struggle for a few months but then your life will be yours, and the sooner you leave him, the sooner the emotional abuse stops!!!
Plenty of people meet their solemate later in life, and you are much wiser now so you will be more picky next time round. And as for who will look after you, well there are plenty of agencies that can help, ask for information from your local social services office, they have tons of info, and they can referr you to these agencies too, also, you said that you were setting up a trust fund for your grandchildren, why not make them work for their money by helping you with houshold chores when they visit?
Thank you for helping me, and I hope that I have been some help to you too. Take care xxx
I am glad that I could serve as a poster child for what not to do in all seriousness. If my post has given you a wake up call, go for it!
I have been to all the agencies and they have turned me away, so I'm not expecting a thing from any assistance.
In terms of visiting my bankruptsy officer I'm moving out of state so that won't be feasible.
I believe my husband is looking at Chapter 7. There is a schedule of a payback and he'd have to be the one to visit the officer as he makes the money.
People ask why I don't work, and assume I'm lazy. You try working with spondilosis and partial cauda equina. My neck and back are so painful there are days I can't move. The cauda equina makes it impossible to sit for any length of time. The type of job flat on one's back is not one I'd care to entertain lol.
I set up the money in trust because once bankrupt the creditors can't touch it.
Anyway...good luck and may your life turn out better than mine did.