Family Issues Support Group

Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.

4,813 Members
5,774 Posts
0 Online
Relationships & Sexuality
/ Family Issues Support Group

step son stealing

deepdarkfancy
deepdarkfancy
I have a 16 year old step son that has recently started living with us since gettting into some trouble a few years ago and living in a group home. he did not have a good child hood or life at all so far his mother kept my husband from seeing him or having any sort of contact with him for years at a time and this is the first time since he was a baby that my husband has lived with him. we recently discovered that he had been stealing smokes from us and was using them to basically buy his friends. we caught him red handed yet he is still denying it extensivly. we do not know what to do how does one handle something like this. he is very emotionally unstable and is very young for his age but with getting caught he has become very unstable his emotional swings are terrible one minute hes happy and acting like nothing is wrong and the next hes so angry and yelling at everyone. i dont know what to do i have never had a teenager around before and neither has my husband yet alone a teenager with past abuse and emotional problems. can anyone help any advice???
mmztcass
mmztcass
Does your step son have ADHD, ADD? Has he been checked out for any thyroid problems, either hypOthyroid or hypERthyroid? Does he go for counseling for his problems? Sounds like you and your husband will need a lot of counseling too to get to the root of things and to help out your step son.

{{{hugs}}}
deepdarkfancy
deepdarkfancy
we arnt too sure what he has exactly he has been in care so much and we have been left in the dark for everything untill recently. He does have a counselor and we also have a family worker to help us all get through getting him back into our home. its hard and only one of the many problems that me and my husband have regarding our kids,i just dont know if i can trust him again like i love him but really we dont have the money to be paying for him to smoke by stealing from us nor do we think that at 16 he should be smokeing and hes not to smoke around us or our other children or our home weather we are home or not. i just feel violated and taken advantage of.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I wouldn't make too big a deal out of the cigarettes personally, teenagers do stupid things like that and since he can't buy them himself he's bound to lift a few. I would worry if he's taking car keys or money out of your wallets, things like that.
I definitely think that going to a family therapist is a must. Sounds like he's got some issues with his self-asteem and is doing self-destructive things which are manifestations of the underlying issue.
If you make him feel like a criminal, he's likely to start acting out even more.
Just my two cents :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree with Frecklefa`s 100%. This kid needs someones approval and love. Its going to be a tough road and your going to need to shore yourself up on patience to give this boy what he needs. In the scheme of things what the hec does a cigarette or two matter. This kids whole future is at stake here.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Every man that I have met has stolen and been caught at sometime. My husband got caught and charged with petty theft at 16, one ex-boyfriend at 18, another at 14, my brother at ages 12, 13, 14, 15, and 17. I do think it is some sort of boy phase where it becomes a real issue is if they learn their lesson. If he is not learning that he doesn't need to steal I would seek professional help but on a personal note I do not recommend tough love because I have never seen that work.