Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I just joined this support group. My issue has been my step son. He has a very bad temper. He moved in with his father and me when he was 14. We have two other children. We tried to get him help for his temper. While he was with his mother she allowed him to do whatever he wanted to do and whenever he wanted to do it. She also never disciplined him. When he moved in with us, he was told that he would have to follow our rules.
When he was 16, he got into a few fights at school which got him in trouble and put on probation. About two weeks after he got put on probation he hit his father for no other reason but he was mad at his younger brother. At that point he got sent to a juvenile facility. He spent 9 months in there. He did really well until the summer before his senior year. He got upset with me for not letting him do something and he hit his father again and his father got sent to the hospital. He got charged as an adult for domestic abuse. He spent a year on probation and was released early because of good behavior and he was going to college. That was June of last year.
He came home for Christmas vacation. He kept getting mad for little things. When he would get mad he would hit the walls or whatever was close by. On the second of January, he got angry and hit the door to his room. I asked for him to pay for it. At that point he pushed me and I fell and hit my head. I got up and left the room, he followed me out of the room and hit me in the chest. I then moved to go to the phone and call for help and he hit me in the face. In the middle of all of this my 16 year old daughter smacked him to get him away from me. He hit her. He has been arrested and is still sitting in jail. His dad is not wanting him back at the house with us. I feel bad for him and I still want to see him succeed in what he wants to do. Am I wrong to feel that way? Should my husband give in and let him back in the house?
When he was 16, he got into a few fights at school which got him in trouble and put on probation. About two weeks after he got put on probation he hit his father for no other reason but he was mad at his younger brother. At that point he got sent to a juvenile facility. He spent 9 months in there. He did really well until the summer before his senior year. He got upset with me for not letting him do something and he hit his father again and his father got sent to the hospital. He got charged as an adult for domestic abuse. He spent a year on probation and was released early because of good behavior and he was going to college. That was June of last year.
He came home for Christmas vacation. He kept getting mad for little things. When he would get mad he would hit the walls or whatever was close by. On the second of January, he got angry and hit the door to his room. I asked for him to pay for it. At that point he pushed me and I fell and hit my head. I got up and left the room, he followed me out of the room and hit me in the chest. I then moved to go to the phone and call for help and he hit me in the face. In the middle of all of this my 16 year old daughter smacked him to get him away from me. He hit her. He has been arrested and is still sitting in jail. His dad is not wanting him back at the house with us. I feel bad for him and I still want to see him succeed in what he wants to do. Am I wrong to feel that way? Should my husband give in and let him back in the house?
Trying to help your stepson and being attacked by him as a result.
Dad is right not to want him back in the house because he can see how dangerous this young man is and he needs to protect your family!
I understand that you feel bad for him, but you cannot cure this young man's anger problems which have been escalating for quite some time!
When he punched you and you hit your head, he could have seriously. seriously injured you! He also hit your daughter and your husband!
This young man needs to stay away from your family and you need to be with your husband on this.
He is a young man now and needs to find his own answers to his own problems. Actions have consequences and that is a lesson he will either chose to learn or ignore!
I just hope that you all remain safe as a family.
I think it IS important to know how he got that way. If you don't identify the cause, you can't start to fix the problem. Think like a plumber... Fist, shut off the water, then find the leak, then start on fixing the problem.
Maybe the better metaphor is an electrician... and his wiring has more than a few crossed wires and he needs to be grounded, or everything is going to go up in flames.
His father told him that he will be allowed to come around after he has had some counseling but he will still not be able to live with us. He told his father that he understands what he is saying. I believe that after he starts some counseling then his father would like to start doing some family counseling with him. I told him that I would continue to help him with his college things so that he is able to continue. he may be missing a semester but I can not help with that one. His classes are supposed to start today and he does not have court again until Thursday.
What irritates me about his mother though is like right now she has he only son in jail because of something he had done and her daughter is in a mental unit at this time for trying to kill herself again but, she just left this morning to go a two week cruise.
I am going to try to find a psychologist for him to start seeing close to where he goes to college. That is where I feel that I need to start helping him. I am also trying to find a counselor for me and his father to start seeing with the family because of the issues here.
The Bio mother tried to kill HER Mother and the step daughter tried to kill the Bio Mother??
It sounds like everyone in this story needs serious mental health care.
If the bio mother is as crazy as you say, Rhea... A cruise is probably a good place for her, She would probably just make all situations worse.
It doesn't sound like you are equipped to help anyone with these levels of mental problems either. Best to let the professionals handle it at this point. Sound like the boy's father has a good plan in place.
I would put my concentration on my own bio kids before they end up in the same situation as their half siblings.
Good luck to you!
I'd say that the mother going on a cruise says a lot...
I'm willing to bet your step son is an untreated rapid cycle bipolar, so he's always a raging maniac, in the truest sense of the word.
That's probably why they are forcing him to be seen by a psych.
Stick to your guns and hang in there.
Hugs.
When I said that he could be jealous of your other kids...it might just be because his mother is the way she is and your kids have a good mother...
What I'm saying is... Take what he says about his feeling towards his Mother with a grain of salt... because he was hitting you in the recent past and so he might be telling you that he hates her because he thinks it's what will win him sympathy...
This young man is in serious trouble and as I've said from the beginning, your judgments on his Mother aren't helping the situation.
It's not about if you are a better woman than she is.... It's about HIS mental health issues.
I turned my pain inward, but there were absolute times when I felt angry at others. I didn't talk about it, until long afterwards, and I've never gotten sympathy over it. Didn't make it any less real.
And it doesn't "excuse" anything.
When my son started having issues with his pseudo-step brothers (his dad never married his girlfriend, but they did live together), I told my son that his "step-brother" was most likely angry at him because my son's relationship with his mother (me) was stronger than his step-brother's relationship was. It helped my son deal with them on a much healthier level. It helped my son not get drawn into fights and to understand the other boys acting out.
We've lost all contact with them now, but I often wonder how they're doing.