Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Today I am in a great deal of emotional pain from and extremely unsettling visit with relatives last night. Now I don't recall having a falling out with people in my family but I have never felt so unwelcome in my life.
My grandma and her husband, talked to my daughter last month and said that they would be coming to town. They told her that they would take her out on a Saturday to the fair grounds when they came. I had also told them that Sunday she goes to visit her father. A week ahead of time I phoned them to see when they were coming and I was told that they just had time to go stay at my brother's place and it didn't look like they could visit. It didn't sound like she wanted to see me.
The weekend came and my daughter was home all saturday and not one phone call. She went to visit her father and was very sad that my grandparents didn't take her anywhere. I get a call from my grandmother Sunday, demanding time with my daughter. I told her that my daughter is at her dad's place and I offered to give her his number so they could make arrangements - that was not acceptable to my grandma and then she asked what I was doing monday. I told her that my daughter is attending a funded day camp - during the day. That was not good enough and she said that they can't visit.
I was not happy because here they promised my 7 year old a visit and they have stood her up. They got upset with me cause I didn't put my life on hold. I didn't get a clear indication on when they wanted to see her.
On Monday, my grandma's husband called to make arrangement and asked where my daughter was and I told him - he almost proceeded to give me heck over that I sent my daughter to day camp and wondered why in the hell I would do that. (it's a funded program, paid by other people and I don't think it would be a good idea to have her not go.) He then mentioned that Monday night he wanted to see my father.
I tried to work on arrangements so that my daughter could see her great grandparents. I phone my father to see if I could join him and it didn't sound like it was an issue. I phoned my grandfather to see if it was okay and there was no problem. (I am highly conscientious and respectful of people's spaces and prefer not to cross any boundaries.)
I took my daughter up to visit and I got an extremely cold reception )I don't recall having any direct confrontation or falling out etc....) My grandfather was very happy to see my daughter. My grandma didn't want to have anything to do with me and didn't greet me at all. I looked over at her with a smile and her face was stone cold. My father was there but as usual he was quite tense and uptight. My stepmom was like usual - kind of distant. When people got up to leave my grandma gave everybody a hug except me. She went into a corner and I went to say bye and she had a look like "What the hell do you want?" Grandfather told me to stay out of trouble. Two other relatives couldn't be bothered to say good bye they were as cold as my grandma.
My hands were tied and I couldn't inquire what was wrong - 3 reasons
1. They would never tell me cause they don't talk about problems. There is only 1 wrong person and that is it. It doesn't matter if a person did anything or not.
2. It was not my place to say anything
3. I didn't want to cause a scene.
I don't think I would ever have the luxury to find out what is going on. It feels like I was mentally played with. It felt like a mind game. A friend of mine pointed out how terribly I was treated as I made an extra effeort for my grandparents to see my daughter.
I only have speculation about things and I think that there is an indirect influence to bring about this.
Back in March I left my mother and her family - things were toxic there and her husband was extremely abusive towards me. At Xmas time I was severely ill and needed help at home and there was no family support. I was stood up at xmas time. There has been a long history of estrangements etc. Several times I took my daughter to visit my mother and the family treated my daughter poorly and was abusive towards her.
So I walked out of their lives and in order to protect my daughter from further harm I have not permitted my mother to contact or see my child. yet my ex (Daughter's father) is very much on my mother's side and has given my mother full access to my child when he has had her. I tried explaining my case to him and he told me that I was seeking revenge against my parents for grudges that he thinks I'm holding against them. truth be known I hold no ill will towards my mother and wish them a happy life now. Being that I witnessed them being abusive towards my child I wanted to protect my daughter from that. If they treated my child decently then I would have say okay.
During the years and conflicts with my family, my mother has deeply confided in my siblings about problems with me. There are a bunch of unresolved issues within my family that will never be resolved. My siblings have straight out told my mother not to have anything to do with me and to write me out of their life. My brother fully supports this as now my mother and him are very close to each other.
My grandma has become very close to my brother this year and has invited him to go stay or live out where she is so that they can be together.
There is a lot of gossip and hard feelings in the family. The actual truth to conflicts are not listened to. I have been subject to all sort of abuse and domestic violence and have been everybody's official scapegoat within that family now. It doesn't matter if I was not in the wrong they still look down at me and snub me.
I have unloaded a lot in this post - which is unusual for me but everything just hurts so badly now and I have no choice but to grieve. I have written my grandparents out of my life now cause I don't want to be subject to any more poor treatment. I haven't been mean etc and have treated other people like gold.
I don't know what is going on but it seems like the reality of my childhood and the like has become unearthed - all the hurt feelings are flooding back and I have a lot of things to process through. I have lived a very hard life since birth and it seems that all I have known is deep pain in my soul! I still feel like a troubled soul ......
ID
Thanks for listening......
My grandma and her husband, talked to my daughter last month and said that they would be coming to town. They told her that they would take her out on a Saturday to the fair grounds when they came. I had also told them that Sunday she goes to visit her father. A week ahead of time I phoned them to see when they were coming and I was told that they just had time to go stay at my brother's place and it didn't look like they could visit. It didn't sound like she wanted to see me.
The weekend came and my daughter was home all saturday and not one phone call. She went to visit her father and was very sad that my grandparents didn't take her anywhere. I get a call from my grandmother Sunday, demanding time with my daughter. I told her that my daughter is at her dad's place and I offered to give her his number so they could make arrangements - that was not acceptable to my grandma and then she asked what I was doing monday. I told her that my daughter is attending a funded day camp - during the day. That was not good enough and she said that they can't visit.
I was not happy because here they promised my 7 year old a visit and they have stood her up. They got upset with me cause I didn't put my life on hold. I didn't get a clear indication on when they wanted to see her.
On Monday, my grandma's husband called to make arrangement and asked where my daughter was and I told him - he almost proceeded to give me heck over that I sent my daughter to day camp and wondered why in the hell I would do that. (it's a funded program, paid by other people and I don't think it would be a good idea to have her not go.) He then mentioned that Monday night he wanted to see my father.
I tried to work on arrangements so that my daughter could see her great grandparents. I phone my father to see if I could join him and it didn't sound like it was an issue. I phoned my grandfather to see if it was okay and there was no problem. (I am highly conscientious and respectful of people's spaces and prefer not to cross any boundaries.)
I took my daughter up to visit and I got an extremely cold reception )I don't recall having any direct confrontation or falling out etc....) My grandfather was very happy to see my daughter. My grandma didn't want to have anything to do with me and didn't greet me at all. I looked over at her with a smile and her face was stone cold. My father was there but as usual he was quite tense and uptight. My stepmom was like usual - kind of distant. When people got up to leave my grandma gave everybody a hug except me. She went into a corner and I went to say bye and she had a look like "What the hell do you want?" Grandfather told me to stay out of trouble. Two other relatives couldn't be bothered to say good bye they were as cold as my grandma.
My hands were tied and I couldn't inquire what was wrong - 3 reasons
1. They would never tell me cause they don't talk about problems. There is only 1 wrong person and that is it. It doesn't matter if a person did anything or not.
2. It was not my place to say anything
3. I didn't want to cause a scene.
I don't think I would ever have the luxury to find out what is going on. It feels like I was mentally played with. It felt like a mind game. A friend of mine pointed out how terribly I was treated as I made an extra effeort for my grandparents to see my daughter.
I only have speculation about things and I think that there is an indirect influence to bring about this.
Back in March I left my mother and her family - things were toxic there and her husband was extremely abusive towards me. At Xmas time I was severely ill and needed help at home and there was no family support. I was stood up at xmas time. There has been a long history of estrangements etc. Several times I took my daughter to visit my mother and the family treated my daughter poorly and was abusive towards her.
So I walked out of their lives and in order to protect my daughter from further harm I have not permitted my mother to contact or see my child. yet my ex (Daughter's father) is very much on my mother's side and has given my mother full access to my child when he has had her. I tried explaining my case to him and he told me that I was seeking revenge against my parents for grudges that he thinks I'm holding against them. truth be known I hold no ill will towards my mother and wish them a happy life now. Being that I witnessed them being abusive towards my child I wanted to protect my daughter from that. If they treated my child decently then I would have say okay.
During the years and conflicts with my family, my mother has deeply confided in my siblings about problems with me. There are a bunch of unresolved issues within my family that will never be resolved. My siblings have straight out told my mother not to have anything to do with me and to write me out of their life. My brother fully supports this as now my mother and him are very close to each other.
My grandma has become very close to my brother this year and has invited him to go stay or live out where she is so that they can be together.
There is a lot of gossip and hard feelings in the family. The actual truth to conflicts are not listened to. I have been subject to all sort of abuse and domestic violence and have been everybody's official scapegoat within that family now. It doesn't matter if I was not in the wrong they still look down at me and snub me.
I have unloaded a lot in this post - which is unusual for me but everything just hurts so badly now and I have no choice but to grieve. I have written my grandparents out of my life now cause I don't want to be subject to any more poor treatment. I haven't been mean etc and have treated other people like gold.
I don't know what is going on but it seems like the reality of my childhood and the like has become unearthed - all the hurt feelings are flooding back and I have a lot of things to process through. I have lived a very hard life since birth and it seems that all I have known is deep pain in my soul! I still feel like a troubled soul ......
ID
Thanks for listening......
It's amazing what I miss and don't miss now...
{{{hugs}}}
I`am with you.. You sound like a straight shooter but your dealing with people who cant deal with truth so they play the blame game. You know in your heart whats right.
Best of Luck!