Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
First of all, if any can provide me some insight on what I could/should do about my situation, I would appreciate it. I also appreciate anyone who reads this.
This is going to be a bit random, but I am trying to explain the situation the best I can.
My sister is ruining my family. She is going to be 24 in January and still lives at home with my mom, dad, and me. She also has a 7 year old daughter who lives with us.
I believe she may be Narcissistic. She lives like a slob, will leave food everywhere and not pick it up, because she expects everyone in the family to do it for her. She does not contribute at all to the house and she gets all dramatic...saying: "Why does everyone hate me??!!??!!?!" When all we do is ask her to bring down her plates and dishes from her room/do normal things.
She abuses drugs heavily (pills). And recently police were at our house because she stole a former boyfriend's morphine, and said she wanted to kill herself. I drove her to the emergency room (she left belonging's there) and the whole ride down, she was asking me: "Why don't you care about me???" "I am going to do something drastic." And acted like she was going to open the door while I was on the highway. All while her daughter was in the back seat.
She says she has a cyst two inches above her ovary and acts sick all the time. Yet the next minute she will act perky and smile and be energetic.
She called me a piece of sh** this morning and said I am a horrible, horrible brother because I wouldn't listen to her (while I was busy trying to do homework for school).
She has lied to many people about my family, saying that my mom hits her (she never did), that she fell down the stairs and my parents did not even care (this never happened), and lies all the time saying that my parents are yelling and screaming just to get people to let her stay the night. Yet all the family is trying to do is get her to follow some simple rules (she hasn't for many years).
I told my parents that she needs to leave the house but she has no job, hasn't worked for a long time (she is incapable of holding jobs as she often skips days/doesn't show up). I keep telling my parents to get her out of the house but it is difficult because she has a kid, and we do not want her daughter to go to the state.
But she can be a horrible mother at times. She tells her daughter to call her grandmother a "crazy psycho", told her to go to the neighbor's house and tell them that her grandparents hit her mother, etc.
....Do you get the picture of how dysfunctional she is?
She has even hit her daughter and then acted like nothing happened.
This is going to be a bit random, but I am trying to explain the situation the best I can.
My sister is ruining my family. She is going to be 24 in January and still lives at home with my mom, dad, and me. She also has a 7 year old daughter who lives with us.
I believe she may be Narcissistic. She lives like a slob, will leave food everywhere and not pick it up, because she expects everyone in the family to do it for her. She does not contribute at all to the house and she gets all dramatic...saying: "Why does everyone hate me??!!??!!?!" When all we do is ask her to bring down her plates and dishes from her room/do normal things.
She abuses drugs heavily (pills). And recently police were at our house because she stole a former boyfriend's morphine, and said she wanted to kill herself. I drove her to the emergency room (she left belonging's there) and the whole ride down, she was asking me: "Why don't you care about me???" "I am going to do something drastic." And acted like she was going to open the door while I was on the highway. All while her daughter was in the back seat.
She says she has a cyst two inches above her ovary and acts sick all the time. Yet the next minute she will act perky and smile and be energetic.
She called me a piece of sh** this morning and said I am a horrible, horrible brother because I wouldn't listen to her (while I was busy trying to do homework for school).
She has lied to many people about my family, saying that my mom hits her (she never did), that she fell down the stairs and my parents did not even care (this never happened), and lies all the time saying that my parents are yelling and screaming just to get people to let her stay the night. Yet all the family is trying to do is get her to follow some simple rules (she hasn't for many years).
I told my parents that she needs to leave the house but she has no job, hasn't worked for a long time (she is incapable of holding jobs as she often skips days/doesn't show up). I keep telling my parents to get her out of the house but it is difficult because she has a kid, and we do not want her daughter to go to the state.
But she can be a horrible mother at times. She tells her daughter to call her grandmother a "crazy psycho", told her to go to the neighbor's house and tell them that her grandparents hit her mother, etc.
....Do you get the picture of how dysfunctional she is?
She has even hit her daughter and then acted like nothing happened.
I talked to my parents forever to kick her out but my mom will just complain that my dad didn't raise her right...and we get now where.
I am contemplating living at my local YMCA. Even though I would have not much left after paying rent per month.
Does anyone have any advice on what I should do? What my family should do?
It's hard to deal with, but if you move out you are just helping her tear apart your family. You are giving her the power to chase you away. Tough it out if you can. Or see about renting a room somewhere. Also, see if there is a way to have her evaluated where you live. In my city if someone threatens to kill themselves the police can put them on the psych ward of the hospital until a doctor deems them sound.
OK, to first cases. You need help to get through this - so that you mimimise your suffering now and also so that this does not affect your whole life's trajectory, which it may. Do you have a Counsellor at school? Are you of an age when you can seek medical/therapeutic help without your parent's consent? If you were to go to a counsellor, be it at school or outside, would you parents consent and support you?
The hard news is that you can do absolutely nothing about your sister, her child, or your parents' behaviour. NOTHING. The only person you can change and make positive action for is yourself. The only exception to this is if your sister is imminently suicidal or she is threatening anyone in the house with violence - Call the Police. And, and this may seem tough, if that happens, let the Police look after her and DRAW A BOUNDARY - don't go chasing after her and looking after her needs. This is the serious stuff, you must start drawing boundaries and be assertive about you own place in that house. If you do ultimately find you must leave, leave, but start planning now so that you don't end up in a worse situation, ie apartments where there is drugs and crime etc - you know what I mean. There are solutions and you seem a very intelligent man - scope out every single option you can - and if you see a counsellor they will help you do that too.
And even with the dishes in the bedroom, etc, LEAVE IT THERE, IT"S NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. What also happens (and it happened in my home, especially with my father and step father who were both alcoholics) is that the sick person, in this case your sister, is being PROPPED. She is continuing her bad behaviour and there are no consequences to her actions - she'll go on like this either until she OD's - either at home or elsewhere. I'm not saying what you do or don't do will make her stop, but you need to be aware of the "enabling" scenario that is going on in your house - she's got you all in a string.
You sound like a young man. You mave way too much on your young shoulders at the moment. You need to time and space to grow up to the man who can reach his full human potential. It is totally possible to do this, but you need to do the hard yards to make a stake for yourself in this world.
I hope I haven't scared you with all that, but I have been on both sides of this scenario and know how it plays out.
Secondly, she is an addict so that is something that will need to be addressed while she is seeing a therapist.
Your best bet would be to admit her into a residential drug and alcohol recovery program. I work as a nurse in one myself. I know this behavior from a mile away.
For you and your family, stick together and talk about it. You will all need to be united in how you deal with her and be supportive to each other. As for her daughter, your parents could have guardianship until she recovers. That is a common scenario in these situations. Just a thought.
Anyway, I hope that she gets help soon and your family finds some peace with it. Hugs.
No one here, including the OP is a doctor, and quite frankly SHE does not have the problem right now, HE DOES.
Wendy ML said the following : The hard news is that you can do absolutely nothing about your sister, her child, or your parents' behaviour. NOTHING. The only person you can change and make positive action for is yourself.
The OP'S problem is he doesn't care for his sister's behavior. Then he needs to make other arrangements ~ for himself.
It looks like I am going to find other arrangements for myself, like reply #6 said.
Of course I am concerned about my sister and family too, however. I will continue to talk to my family/encourage my sister to seek help.
Thank you again, all of you!
I hate when people get so rude on this site sometimes. It is so unnecessary and just plain uncalled for.