Welcome MishGem..... I'm glad that you're here.... I'm sorry that your brother is ill and that you are struggling with his behaviour
You are right boundaries are really important and people do have to be involved in their own well being and stability
Can you write more about what's going on with your brother if you're comfortable?... Gentle hug....xo

I have a younger brother who is 23. He believes that he is entitled to and has a right to relive, and redo, his childhood. My mother has, also, expressed her desire to give him this. He's not indulged to the extent he was for the past 6yr.s but she's still indulging him. She expects me to do this to but I refuse.It, often, leads to abusive backlash for me but I still refuse. For a# of yr.s I was forced to indulge him but now I've grown in my healing journey, and gotten farther along, and I don't let my mother force me anymore. Even though this comes at great risk, and price, I still have to do it because I realize, acknowledge, and accept that my health, and my sanity, have to come first above ALL else and everyone else!He, also, believes that he is entitled to,and has the right to,be taken care of by myself and the next oldest. He believes that I, and the next oldest, owe him and owe him an apology. He believes that when our parents discarded their parental mantle than I,and the next oldest, should of taken it up and because we didn't we now owe him and owe him an apology.From the way he portrays myself(and the next oldest),in his fucked up mind, we were born adults and not children. He has, also, had the gall and nerve to tell me that his childhood is the only one that matters because it's the only one we all lived. He, and my mother, call me abusive,mean, etc. because I'm not indulging a 14/5 trapped inside a 23yr. olds' body and I, basically, have the attitude(when it comes to my brother) of "Fuck you to everlasting hell" and" Either grow up or get out". If this were my house than my brother would of been kicked out onto the streets a long time ago. He has purposely deceived, lied to, and stolen from our mother. These are just three of the MANY things he's done over the years(that he's been an adult) and I'm BEYOND fed up! He, also, isn't the one who has had to pay any sort of price, face any sort of consequence, and hasn't had to make any sort of sacrifice. A lot of what he's done, and failed to do, has been projected onto me. My mother(mostly) and him have portrayed him as being the sicker out of the two of us. Yes, mentally he is sicker because he's got this psychotic viewpoint BUT he is the one who is able to hold down a job, he is the one who can pay his own bills, etc.. I'm the one who can't do any of that!
Sorry for the rant. I haven't been able to really talk about it and it just sort of came spewing out. This isn't all he's done to me over the years. I've been able to forgive him for what he did during my childhood because I realize, and acknowledge, that my childhood is between God, myself, and my parents but I don't know if I'll EVER forgive my brother for his adulthood. He did something so horrific, selfish, self-indulgent, narcissistic, egotistical, and arrogant that it set me back in my own healing journey,during it he was physically threatening and(afterwards)he didn't give a d-. I'm to the point where I don't love him. I was once asked if I ever would and I said 'no' but, once I thought about it, I realized I'd give him a chance if he came, groveled before me, begged me for my forgiveness, and apologized for what he'd done. Seeing as how he'll never do that because he loved what he did and said that it brought him a lot of satisfaction,relief, and" healing" than it'll NEVER happen.

Thank you for the welcome SunCloudJD, I appreciate your kind words. In regards to my brother, I honestly feel like we're two completely different people, and this was even before his mental illness came into play. If you had to label a good child and bad child, I would be the good child and he would be the bad. Growing up he was always problematic for my mother, and I believe that's why we never had a close loving bond. There was also some type of drama going on with different things he was involved in. There was always love between us, we looked out for one another but there was never a loving relationship. I guess I always felt forced to pick up the pieces from the messes he would make in our household. My mother was a single parent, and she worked hard to keep us a suburban community. We didn't grow up having everything, but we weren't raised in poverty either. My mom worked pay check to pay check for us to be comfortable, and I always felt like my brother went looking for the trouble he got himself into. Maybe part of it was not having a consistent father figure, or the fact when he did the circumstances weren't healthy. Either way my brother always felt the need to seek drama, and my mother and I were the ones left to deal with it. Growing up I saw my brother as an annoyance rather then a loving sibling, which can be typical for teenagers. However, we never moved passed that phase when we became adults. My brother has been in and out of juvenile detention centers, jail, and mental hospitals. He shot himself in the leg messing up his knee, and had TBI from being assaulted. We also know he experienced some form of abuse while being in prison, but aren't aware of the extent. All of these factors took place prior to his mental illness, so when you add his condition into the equation its like the icing on the cake. I've reached a point where I can't submit myself into his problems anymore, especially when he continues to engage in behaviors that don't help his situation. Its like I've become numb or disconnected and my empathy has vanished.

Hey Soulwarrior,

I'm Happy you were able to rant. Sometimes ranting is the best way to process our thoughts, and I appreciate your courage to do so. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, and I can only imagine the journey you have been on. I connected to certain parts of your story, especially when you discussed your mother enabling your brothers behavior. This is something I' struggle with in regards to my mother as well. I believe the reasoning behind her behavior is guilt. I think she blames part of herself for my brothers condition. I know she looks back and things and pin points areas she could have done better. Another part of it is fear, fear of not doing enough and fear of his downfall. Thank you for sharing your story.

MishGem and all in this conversation,
Hugs and prayers. Also joined this group for a counseling course but hoping to learn along the way. Following this conversation as the mother of a 20 year old who still lives at home with little motivation and I relate with looking back and finding things/areas where I could have done better. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your conversation and wish you all the very best.