Your daughter has very rigid boundaries and that is not good for having healthy or happy relationships. It could be true that her BF and his family influenced her but many many people have those pesky rigid boundaries that create problems in relationships. What this means is people set rules for how other people have to behave or live or act or talk. It takes maturity to understand we can only change ourselves. So you can't change your daughter nor can she change you by ostracizing you and rejecting you. Rejection is hard.

This sounds like estrangement which is a booming thing in our culture. I am going to give you the link to the other forum which is for estranged parents. Most of the estranged parent forums on this platform are now dead but there is one small group left.

Many people will tell you to make a proper apology and grovel and beg to have her back. I do not think that works. You know your situation best. I am not sure we parents have much control over our adult sons and daughters. The common myth in our culture is "just dump the toxic people out of your life."

I have two books to recommend you read: Done with the Crying by McGregor and Rules of Estrangement by Coleman. I don't know which fits you best but take what works and leave the rest. Each author has a different perspective on estrangement and neither author has all the answers.

This is the one active estranged parent forum on DS. I suggest you put this post over there because you will get responses from estranged parents in your same boat. Not everyone can relate to this. 27% of USA families have some kind of estrangement, and 25% of UK families have some kind of estrangement. You are not alone. You might be able to make headway in seeing your adult kids more or you might not. But we can go on and live a happy life.

https://www.dailystrength.org/group/parents-of-estranged-adult-children

Thank you

It can be so heartbreaking when a child decides to exclude you
from their life. My sister's daughter has nothing to due with her and my sister's heart is broken. A former therapist tells me that this is at an epidemic level.
My childhood was far from perfect, but the thought of severing contact from
my mom, never occurred to me. I knew that it would kill her.
I sought help early on and it helped.
I do know what it's like to have a loved on influenced by a religious group
There are many websites that tell you if the church group qualifies as a cult. Some forbid contact with those outside the church. Meanwhile reading, joining the groups mentioned above and honoring the hurt in your heart will hopefully lessen the pain and help with the healing.

Hi d. It is heartbreaking when adult children cut off from their parent. Usually it is with no warning or explanation.
Because I am experiencing this right now, I will tell you how I am dealing:
Therapy. Breathing. Radical acceptance. I cannot change my daughter, or control her emotions thoughts or behavior. However, I can control MY thoughts, emotions and behavior.
It continues to be a daily struggle, however, the pain becomes a little less intense.

Welcime to the board db
Im sorry that you're going through this
It would hurt
Im surprised that she's judging you when she's living with her boyfriend without marriage
This isn't judgement on my part
Im all for doing what you want
Just noticing that there seems to be really different rules that she's living by
It reads to me that this is some kind of pretty extreme religion ? Cult?? That would try and break down a relationship between a father and his child
There are a few that really want to rule you all the way
This must hurt
I hope one day you can rebuild your relationship with your daughter
I believe God is love and this doesn't sound like love to me...it seems like control