Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My adult daughter, 40, is adopted. She comes from a very dysfunctional background and has narcisstic tendencies. She came into our family when she was 13. She is the oldest in the family by 10 years.
Our relationship has always been on the intense side. It isn't easy for me at all, and I have probably made tons of mistakes. Yesterday, she told me that she is grieving our relationship as if I'm dead and that "she is not;has never been or will never be part of our family and it's all just been a fantasy." She has 4 kids and I have another 6.
I am very sad and need support.
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…had a record collection.
~~~Peace~~~
Being a single parent, no family, no relationship with my son's birth father I too made mistakes out of anger. I know now being a parent about how to forgive, I'm still a work in progress with myself, but just being human, I've made mistakes and recognize others make mistakes too...what they don't know, understand, have never been given or taught...they can not give....this is how I'm trying to forgive myself for the mistakes I've made along the years, I'm 70 now.
At one time I was an 'emotional hostage' to my son, the pain was Horrible....it took some time, but we are now ok...once I backed off, and made the decision that he has to live his life the way he wants, and I need to let him fall, make his own mistakes.
Sending Peace and Healing to you as you travel a path of healing...one door closes, another opens...I don't know how old your grand kids are, but I do hope you'll be able to keep in contact with them.
We All Do The Best We Can...take that to your heart and take good care of you.
You might look at rejected parents dot net. And I’ll give you the link to the only current estrangement group on here (see below).
Just be careful of the amends letter idea. It may not be appropriate in your situation. There is help for your healing. And this is ambiguous loss, which you might google about. Some say adoption is a form of ambiguous loss and you are not alone in being rejected by an adopted adult child. Hugs to you. Good parents experience estrangement, too.
Being rejected by an adult child is a terrible thing. Maybe take a break from fretting about this and work on healing.
If she's a narcissist there's not too much you can do about that ... It is who she is and there often isn't big changes in that type of personality disorder because 'she' doesn't 'get it'
If she were willing and if you could manage it you could do some family therapy together or some just for you, to help you through the pain of your relationship
Another hug and a blessing.... xo
I did a lot of foster care with teen girls. Many of them have major
attachment issues to begin with. Maybe she is projecting a lot
of her feelings about herself and her biological mother on to you
Is she seeing a therapist?
My guess is that you were probably the best thing that ever happened to
her. . I would ask myself why she is telling you this? If your really want to
get away from someone you do it, right? I had a similar thing happen to me with a foster daughter. She was older when she came into our lives (18) but still when she estranged herself, it hurt. I am so much better. I know that she still has a lot of problems within relationships. I know that it is not my fault. I know that you need to grieve, but please tell yourself that this is not your fault. Please feel free to send a pm if I can help