Hi AnnaMarie, that's pretty terrible to have gone through life without affection from your mother. I'm so sorry you've had to endure that.

I would say that your mother suffers from some type of personality disorder but of which, I wouldn't know. Some people are just devoid of empathy for others and simply can not express emotions.

All you can do is keep telling her how you feel.

It's impossible to say, given what you've told us.

Have you told her what you've told us?

I have told my mother many times. It didn't do any good. She just
prevented I didn't say it.

my parents never said i love you and never were hugged. well, the hugging one time was fake so was the kissing yuk! there was no genuine love and sincerity behind it at all how does parents love you if there are no love expression behind it? the question i always ask yet people could never answer it.

i told someone i never heard of i love u yet ur actions speak i cant stand u get the fuck out etc. that is what i told my therapist asking her sound like love to u? i told my folks about their behavior it did nothing so oh well not our problem u cant tell a narc anything anyway

I come from a family that is not demonstrative. No hugs, no spoken words. I've noticed in myself that while I was better when my kids were young as they grew up the distance grew also.

However I am a doer. I show my love and caring with actions. Not sure if my family recognizes this. Often I feel taken advantage of. It i do what I feel is right and not what is earned or expected.

I often watch others and think I I am doing something wrong. But I also see many people pretending to be affectionate and then turning on the person they pretend to care for. I would rather have honesty with a respectful distance than phoney hugs and kisses

Hi AnnaMarie: I came from a dysfunctional family and I was a little kid and my Mom used to beat me because my hair wasn't perfect or my dress wasn't perfect or she was in a bad mood. She never said that she loved me and there NEVER was closeness in the immediate family--no hugging, no kisses, no saying that anyone loved anyone else-- none of that.

I had such a close connection with the dogs and cats we had and even a neighbor's pet crow that when I would get beat, I would then go outside and the animals would come to me and comfort me. They seemed to realize I was crying, in pain and hurt. Looking back, unlike my Mom, the animals loved me unconditionally 24/7 and I loved them all so much and was very close to them. I also trusted every animal there because they were never mean to me.

Sometimes you will never know what another person has in their mind or their thoughts and what drives them to be mean and cruel. We all went to church on Sunday, but it didn't stop the beatings. But I believe that some parents are not meant to have children and some parents don't love their children. Mom and Dad have both passed on and my wish is that they are both happy and have found what they wanted and didn't find in life.

reply #6,

your comment about you were close to dogs and cats. i am the same way closer to animals because growing up, i didnt have anybody. sure i have a sister who is 18 yrs older and a brother 13 yrs older but im the youngest nobody else close to my age.

my animals were always my source of comfort, love, and nurturing towards me. i know they are animals but i always had such an immense love from them. a few months ago, my therapist and i talked about this. she said u cant get your source of love/nurturing from an animal because the way humans and animals nurture are worlds apart.

that's when she suggested i should volunteer and get human contact. i also told her (therapist) that my other source of "parents" were my computer and tv and she knows this saying ive been so isolated all my life that i need human contact which i dont disagree.

at least with animals, they wont betray you. my question is why cant we get our love/nurturing from animals? u know in behavior health, they do use animals for pet therapy. i do volunteer not at an animal shelter. i told her well secretly, my pets in the past were my parents i dont have a set of real parents. i havent had a pet in years and miss it. i did take care of 4 stray kittens before 3 disappeared and the last one i took to the shelter for her to have a good home.

im not at the process of having a pet right now. i just miss the love and nurturing from them. i just cried for a cpl of days when i had to give the kitten up for adoption, but never cried for my parents ever!

"But I believe that some parents are not meant to have children and some parents don't love their children."

i strongly believe that not sure why other people out there believe they have a "right" to have children even if they dont love them or arent meant to be. i asked someone one time where is the logic in that? never got an answer. i read blogs on neseret.com, afterpsychotherapy.com which are really good that a lot of mental health professionals wouldnt say!

Hi Lady Tiger: What I found interesting is that when you get no comforting or love from an adult and you are 5 or 6 years of age, it's not okay.

When you're outside with your behind "smarting" from being hit by a paddle until it broke, it is so great to have animals that lick your face and rub against your face and bump against you that you can hug and pet and they really do provide love and nurturing as best that they can. It may not be the full extent of what a human can do, but at that moment when you're in pain, it's the best feeling to have those animals do that for you. The therapist that I worked with came to that understanding.

I would go to a sandy area in our acre back yard and the pet crow would be loose and come over and as I was filling things with sand, the crow would be next to me digging in the sand with his feet with me. He liked me and we got along well. My animals knew he was not to be hurt. He was a cool crow.

I had kids that were friends and played with them too and had a lot of fun, but my parents should never have had kids.

i also told my therapist the love of a parent will never be there and that's a grand canyon hole that will never be filled by anything even if it is someone who is kinda like a parental figure will not come close to it. i told her in high school, how i would be in chatrooms for 4 yrs in high school and meeting people offline who were college aged and graduates (24-28 yrs old) and i would skip school to meet them.

i stopped doing it at 18, well just reduced the number of meeting people from online. i told my therapist id rather be raised by animals instead of parents cuz mine shouldnt have had kids, they had options yet people favor their side and told them they could have put us up for adoption - what's so hard about that?

My mother doesn't listen when I try to talk to her. She won't answer me and acts like I didn't say anything. I am think she had some kind
personality disorder. Would love to have a better relationship with her but I know it will never happen. I just wish I would have seen her for what she was years ago. I think my mother had me to keep my father.
She adores my sister. I think my sister has a personality disorder too.
Thanks for sharing your stories. I appreciate your kind words and support. Together we can get through this.

yea, sounds like my mom never wanting to listen to anyone. well, when u have people who know everything, why should they listen to anyone? my mom puts my brother on a pedastal cuz he's the golden child but is nothing like them.

wait until she finds out he and his wife don't want her to live in their home in CO, wonder how long he will be the golden child? lmao plus mom will blame his wife for him "not wanting his own mother there" it's always his wife's fault for my mom's troubles.

My sister is the golden child and she is robbing my mother blind.
I am glad I don't live by them. I really do love animals they never let you down.

My mom was the same way for a long time, when me and my sister were little we would say I love you to my mom and she would say "thank you" and when we asked her why she never said it back she told us "I don't just throw that word around". She also has really bad mental issues and refuses to have relationships with anyone and has paranoid delusions and talks to herself a lot. It took a long time for me to realize that my mom was really badly abused by her parents, (who never said the L word either), and that she never let anyone get close enough to hurt her because of this. Sometimes people shut down emotionally because of things that are done to them by people they trust, and sometimes mental disorders make people say and do awful things that they don't mean. I'm half Native American and my mom would call me racist names when she had her "episodes". You just need to pay close attention to her behavior and try to find any really unusual behavior, she really might be mentally ill in which case she probably just doesn't know how to connect with you or express how she really feels.

"She also has really bad mental issues and refuses to have relationships with anyone and has paranoid delusions and talks to herself a lot. It took a long time for me to realize that my mom was really badly abused by her parents, (who never said the L word either), and that she never let anyone get close enough to hurt her because of this."

same with my mom but she is just a vessel to make babies. my parents never said i love you sincerely it was always with strings attached and to look good for the public. all of their actions speak louder they dont have an ounce of love for any of us it was never sincere anyway.

my mom would always argue with my dad calling him a nigger yet says we need to stop saying that word then why say it in the first place?!? she never tried to stop saying it anyway she is just a blatant racist hates white people but loves everybody. how do u love everybody yet ur calling them names and talking bad about them?

shes been married to my dad for far too long there isnt even an ounce of love in their relationship just feeding off each other's misery....

HELLO ,MY MOM ,I RALISED THAT WAS BADLY ABUSED BY MY FATHER, CONTROLLED, DOMINATED, IT AFFECTED HER LIFE AND MINE, SHE FAVORED MY YOUNGER SISTER, BROTHER, AND IT WAS HARD FOR ME, MANY TIMES I COMFORTED HER, AND WAS A GOOD DAUGHTER TO HER, LOVED HER, MY HEART ACHED WHEN I SAW HOW SHE BEHAVED WITH MY SISTER , WHILE I DID ALL I COULD FOR HER TO LOVE ME' WELL THERE WAS A REASON, I WAS CONCIEVED AT THE SAME TIME MY FATHER STARTED HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH HIS LIFETIME MISTRESS, SO I GUESS I REMINDED HER , ONLY AS I JOINED DS I REALISED THAT THE WAY I GREW UP COMPARED TO MY SIBLING WAS DIFFERENT, STILL I LOVED HER, TILL I HAD TO TAKE HER HOME TO DIE, I DID RIGHT TO HER, BUT SHE ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL OUT OF PLACE, BLAMED FOR SILLY THINKS, ALSO SHE TOOK HER ANGER ON MY GRANDMOTHER, BECAUSE SHE DID ALL SHE COULD TO STOP HER FROM MARRYING MY FATHER, AND SHE WAS RIGHT, HE WAS A BAD HUSBAND, AND FATHER, BROUGHT SHAME BY CHEATING ON HER, WITH SEVERAL WOMEN UNTIL HE HAD THE MISTRESS, LOCAL PEOPLE HAD A GOOD TIME VILIFING US, GOSSIPPING, I THINK THIS AFFECTED MY MOTHER BADLY AND SHE FELT POWERLESS, MANY TIMES SHE WISHES SHE WAS DEAD..IN A WAY SHE WAS ABUSED, BLAMED ME AND TURNED HER LOVE TO MY SIBLING, FOOD AND CLOTHES, SHELTER, WAS THERE, BUT I MISSED THE CLOSENESS ITS LIKE SOMETHING WAS THERE AN INVISIBLE EVIL, MY FATHER WAS EVIL, HE HATED ME, I REMEMBER TAKING FIRST COMMUNION AND BEGGING HER TO COME ,ALL THE OTHER MOMS WERE THERE AT THE CHURCH BUT SHE DIDN'T, I WISH I HAD REFUSED TO TAKE IT, AS I AM NO LONGER A RC***
HERE I KEEP HEARING ''ABOUT MENTAL PROBLEMS'' EVERYTHING GETS LABELLED AS ''MENTAL'' , ITS LIFE, WE ARE ALL AFFECTED BY THE TROUBLES AND HAPPENING OF LIFE, ABUSE, JELOUSY, HATE, EMOTIONAL FEELINGS, AND WE ALL REACT TO SURVIVE..
I HAVE BEEN ABUSED, THAT HAS NOT STOPPED ME FROM LOVING MY DUGHTER, I DECIDED TO HAVE ONE SO SHE WONT SUFFER FROM '''FAVORITISM'' WHICH I HAVE, IT IS EVIL TO FAVOUR ONE CHILD FOR TE OTHER TO SEE, I HAVE NOT SPOKEN TO MY SISTER SINCE MY MOTHER DIED, SHE IS SO EVIL, AND TURNED HER AGAINST ME, STILL MY MOM BELIEVED ALL THE LIES SHE TOLD''
LIVE YOUR LIFE, TODAY I WOULD PROBABLY TOLD MY MM HOW I FELT AND CUT HER OUT OF MY LIFE, SHE IS DEAD , WHILE AT FIRST HER DEATH WAS PAINFUL, WHEN I KNEW OF THE LIES SHE BELIEVED I FELT FREE, BECAUSE I FELT BETRAYED, USED, UNLOVED, SHE WAS HAPPY WITH THEM NOT ME, I SUFFERED INSULTS, EMOTIONAL ABUSE, AND HER BEHAVIOUR AFFECTED MY LIFE, AND RUINED MINE ALSO, BY TURNING ME INTO A VICTIM..
IF YOU MOTHER BEHAVIOUR IS AFFECTING YOU, JUST RUN, LIVE YOUR LIFE, YOU CANNOT CHANGE HER, OR MAKE HER LOVE YOU, SHE IS HAPPY WITH YOUR SISTER, AND PROBABLY TALKING BEHIND YOUR BACK, I FEEL JUST A FOOL, TRYING TO GET HER TO LOVE ME, I FAILED MYSELF, NOW I AM PAYING FOR IT, SHE ALWAYS MADE ME FEEL GUILTY ABOUT ALL I DID.. YOU ARE YOU, AND HAVE THE RIGHT TO A HAPPY LIFE , FILLED WITH LOVE AND PEACE***