Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My little sister is seriously driving me crazy. I know, I know, she's not my responsibility, she's an adult, she's got to learn from her mistakes...yada yada yada.
But she has made me so mad lately that every time I see her I want to shake some sense into her empty head, and right now it would take so much shaking my arms would tire before it was complete!
She got out of a bad relationship, and boy was I happy. I was the one who ultimatley talked her into kicking him out and standing ground. He smacked her around and refused to work so she supported both him and her son.
She is 22 and has a 2 year old son. Lately she acts like she is 15 and her son is baggage she can drop on anyone who opens their door to her. She has started hanging out with a bunch of 18 year olds, and while it's only 4 years, these kids don't have children, they live at home, they work part time and have no bills.
She is working 10 hour days, and I watch Julian for free while she works. And she does stupid things, like not tell me that he is going elsewhere for the day and I get up and wait for her, or she get's off and takes an extra two hours to come get him.
By not watching him she has no sitter, without a sitter she won't have a job, without a job she will have no where to live and not be able to feed my nephew...so I feel trapped.
And then she goes and spends close to a hundred bucks getting her hair dyed at a salon, then phones my mum to whine about how her front tires are thread bare and she has no money to replace them...all the while neglecting to tell my financially strapped mother that she blew money on her hair instead of her tires. Thankfully I told mum that before she leant my sister money she didn't have.
And she goes out three to four nights a week...calling and begging anyone to watch her kid so she can go. Our neice, who is 15, watches him alot, but she demands money...so my sister pays the kid to watch her son so she can party, but not the adult to watch her son so she can work.
She has been single for about two months, and has already had two 'boyfriends'. I told her flat out that she shouldn't be messing around with various men and introducing her son to them. That's going to mess him up. And she said it wouldn't, that he understands that these men are mommy's friends. He may not be clued in one hundred percent yet...but it's gonna happen. He doesn't know his bio dad, and the one she just broke up with was his 'dad'. Not a good one mind you, but the only one he knows.
And her son's dad is talking about taking my sister for custody. Does she think the partying, the reckless spending, the boys at all hours, aren't going to come up and shade her a foul colour? It's a small city...those things WILL come up. But she just flips her hair and looks down her nose. And if he get's ahold of Julian, you can bet your boots I'm going to have to go to court in order to get visitation with my own nephew.
She has been wearing clothes that are super low cut and tight, and granted, she can pull some of them off, that's not the point. She has a son! And she should be responsible for him. She wears the clothes strictly for male attention and so she can get free drinks at the bars. She entered a lingerie contest at a bar, and bragged about how she was bound to be the hottest one there, and she would win because all the other girls are fat cows. Well, she didn't win. But she didn't tell me that, I asked our mum when she didn't talk about the contest the next day.
Now I know that she probably has low self esteem. She was hit and degraded by her ex. Though it wasn't really the battered spouse, it was more he hit her, she hit back, he hit her again, she hit him again...they both yelled mean nasty things, etc etc. But she needs to find a way to deal with it that isn't this childish, lousy, leechy, reckless behaviour that is going to cost her son so much more then she knows.
Thanks for letting me rant :)
But she has made me so mad lately that every time I see her I want to shake some sense into her empty head, and right now it would take so much shaking my arms would tire before it was complete!
She got out of a bad relationship, and boy was I happy. I was the one who ultimatley talked her into kicking him out and standing ground. He smacked her around and refused to work so she supported both him and her son.
She is 22 and has a 2 year old son. Lately she acts like she is 15 and her son is baggage she can drop on anyone who opens their door to her. She has started hanging out with a bunch of 18 year olds, and while it's only 4 years, these kids don't have children, they live at home, they work part time and have no bills.
She is working 10 hour days, and I watch Julian for free while she works. And she does stupid things, like not tell me that he is going elsewhere for the day and I get up and wait for her, or she get's off and takes an extra two hours to come get him.
By not watching him she has no sitter, without a sitter she won't have a job, without a job she will have no where to live and not be able to feed my nephew...so I feel trapped.
And then she goes and spends close to a hundred bucks getting her hair dyed at a salon, then phones my mum to whine about how her front tires are thread bare and she has no money to replace them...all the while neglecting to tell my financially strapped mother that she blew money on her hair instead of her tires. Thankfully I told mum that before she leant my sister money she didn't have.
And she goes out three to four nights a week...calling and begging anyone to watch her kid so she can go. Our neice, who is 15, watches him alot, but she demands money...so my sister pays the kid to watch her son so she can party, but not the adult to watch her son so she can work.
She has been single for about two months, and has already had two 'boyfriends'. I told her flat out that she shouldn't be messing around with various men and introducing her son to them. That's going to mess him up. And she said it wouldn't, that he understands that these men are mommy's friends. He may not be clued in one hundred percent yet...but it's gonna happen. He doesn't know his bio dad, and the one she just broke up with was his 'dad'. Not a good one mind you, but the only one he knows.
And her son's dad is talking about taking my sister for custody. Does she think the partying, the reckless spending, the boys at all hours, aren't going to come up and shade her a foul colour? It's a small city...those things WILL come up. But she just flips her hair and looks down her nose. And if he get's ahold of Julian, you can bet your boots I'm going to have to go to court in order to get visitation with my own nephew.
She has been wearing clothes that are super low cut and tight, and granted, she can pull some of them off, that's not the point. She has a son! And she should be responsible for him. She wears the clothes strictly for male attention and so she can get free drinks at the bars. She entered a lingerie contest at a bar, and bragged about how she was bound to be the hottest one there, and she would win because all the other girls are fat cows. Well, she didn't win. But she didn't tell me that, I asked our mum when she didn't talk about the contest the next day.
Now I know that she probably has low self esteem. She was hit and degraded by her ex. Though it wasn't really the battered spouse, it was more he hit her, she hit back, he hit her again, she hit him again...they both yelled mean nasty things, etc etc. But she needs to find a way to deal with it that isn't this childish, lousy, leechy, reckless behaviour that is going to cost her son so much more then she knows.
Thanks for letting me rant :)
Your sister needs to get some counciling and again having to go to family court might push her to do this. She needs to grow up and realize that having a son to take care of is her life now. By not lending her money you are helping her not hurting her. But I wonder if maybe you should be charging her to watch your nephew since that would limit the money she has to spend on partying. You could always just bank that money for your nephew or for a rainy day which you know will come for her someday.
Being a young parent is a very hard thing to do. Especially if you are single. Your friends are still free to party and the ones who are settled down are in relationships and not interested in a single girl. She should be looking for things to do with her son when she isn't working. Then she would meet other young parents.
I've discussed charging her with her but she says that she can't afford it. And I feel trapped because if I stop watching him then she won't be able to work and it all comes down to Julian getting the short end of the stick
However, what you might consider doing is talk to a social worker about what types of programs are available in your community that can help single working mothers. The more you continue to let your sister make up excuses and not take responsibility for her own child the worse things will get not just for you but for everyone involved and most of all your nephew will suffer the most.
Your sister needs a good dose of realty and has to want to change her ways and nobody can force her to do it but I do think if she is faced with the possibility of losing her son all together perhaps this might give her the kick she needs to start taking responsibility of her life and son and not depend on others to do it for her.
You could also consider talking to your mom and perhaps the two of you can set up some boundaries and rules for your sister and see how that will work out. I just know the longer you all keep letting her get her way the less likely things will change. Anyway these are just some things to think about and consider doing. Hopefully your sister will even seek some counseling because I definitely thinks she needs it. Wishing you the very best and hoping things will soon get better for everyone.