Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hello. I am new to this group. I do have family-related issues, and in times like the ones I'm going through, I feel that my issues nag me a lot more than usual. I guess I should give a little bit of history.
Mother - Born and raised in far-far-away land, migrated to far-away land pregnant with my older brother, leaving my to oldest sisters in far-far-away land. Survivor of sexual and physical abuse, raped by the father of my oldest sister, her first child. Undiagnosed something (my guess is bipolar disorder). Got together with my father. Never met her father, had the disgust of meeting her mother. Extreme mood swings, violent outbursts of rage. 3rd grade education
Father - Born in far-away-land, raised in far-far-away land. His childhood and upbringing is a mystery to me. All he says is that he grew up in a lot of violence. Violent man, sexually abused me and some of my siblings. Alcoholic, used to beat my mother. His parents died before I was born. He's an illegitimate child of some rich man. 4th grade education.
Sister 1 - born in far-far-away land, came to far-away land at 6 to reunite with my family. My mother's mother's favorite. Was raise to believe that she's better and deserves better than the rest. Controlling, narcissistic personality disorder case. married and drew her husband to suicide. Controls the movements of all her children.
Sister 2 - born in far-far-away land, was left by some people who abused her. Never met her sister in far-far-away land since she was not supposed to be better. When she finally was "dumped" at my family's in far-away land, my mother constantly physically and psychologically abused her. From day one her life was pure hell. She's still suffering the scars of all the abuse. uses religion and motherhood as motivation to remain alive.
Brother 1 - born in far-away land, had the chance to be the only one baby with both parents. Spoiled brat and bully. married three times with children everywhere.
Me - born in far-away land, moved to USA in 1994. Gay, middle child, tried to be as invisible as possible and stay away from all the yelling, screaming and arguments and fights. Tried to protect sister 2 as much as I could as a child, later I had to let her go. Survivor of physical, psychological, spiritual and sexual abuse. Was raped several times as a child by several people, one of them my own father. started school 2 years ahead since I am intelligent. However, that took a toll in my socializing. Currently isolated and as far away from everyone as I can.
Brother 2 - A genius. At 4 he already knew reading, writing and basic math. Could sing, dance and create wooden figures at the age of 7. Gay also. Mistreated by everyone (sadly I did mistreat him too). Currently in complete denial about his sexual orientation, stayed in the family cult (though he has been living with his "friend" for 20 years and his apt has only one bedroom). Everyone who needs money uses him as a human ATM.
Brother 3 - Was born prematurely. My mother took extreme special care of him. He became her favorite child of all the time. She developed an emotionally incestuous relationship with him. Spoiled and consented to every single thing he wanted. My fights with him were legendary in our family, one of which made my father kick me out of the house at 16. He and I got along really well. It was our mother who always made us fight. later he "disappointed" the family (by just being him). Currently no one talks to him except me. He's the only family member I talk to.
Sister 3 - The "baby". I was 10 when she was born and I loved playing with her. Sadly I had to leave the house and she was at the mercy of my family dysfunction. My father loved her (but he molested her too). She walked away from the cult, moved to USA, went to college and became an artist. We were close, but as of a year or so she just disappeared from my life and stopped talking to me. I have no idea where she is.
The cult - My mother joined the cult when she was pregnant with me. It offered her all the answers and hope she needed. The person who invited her was also from far-far-away land, and gave her explanations for all her suffering. She was devoted and happy, and she truly believed in their teachings.
My father continued being an abusive drunk, until the day he joined the cult. He then became a dry drunk, stopped beating my mother, but started beating us, his children.
at 23 I sent the fucking cult to hell, walking away from it all, sure that I was going to be shunned (not that I wanted anything to do with my family). Since then, I came out, had a number of messed up unfulfilling relationships, went to college and have three rather failed careers.
Life has been a struggle all my life. Family has never been there and every time I hear from them is just more of their bullshit.
------------------
Anyway, I hope you didn't get bored with all this. Thank you for allowing me this space to share,
Mother - Born and raised in far-far-away land, migrated to far-away land pregnant with my older brother, leaving my to oldest sisters in far-far-away land. Survivor of sexual and physical abuse, raped by the father of my oldest sister, her first child. Undiagnosed something (my guess is bipolar disorder). Got together with my father. Never met her father, had the disgust of meeting her mother. Extreme mood swings, violent outbursts of rage. 3rd grade education
Father - Born in far-away-land, raised in far-far-away land. His childhood and upbringing is a mystery to me. All he says is that he grew up in a lot of violence. Violent man, sexually abused me and some of my siblings. Alcoholic, used to beat my mother. His parents died before I was born. He's an illegitimate child of some rich man. 4th grade education.
Sister 1 - born in far-far-away land, came to far-away land at 6 to reunite with my family. My mother's mother's favorite. Was raise to believe that she's better and deserves better than the rest. Controlling, narcissistic personality disorder case. married and drew her husband to suicide. Controls the movements of all her children.
Sister 2 - born in far-far-away land, was left by some people who abused her. Never met her sister in far-far-away land since she was not supposed to be better. When she finally was "dumped" at my family's in far-away land, my mother constantly physically and psychologically abused her. From day one her life was pure hell. She's still suffering the scars of all the abuse. uses religion and motherhood as motivation to remain alive.
Brother 1 - born in far-away land, had the chance to be the only one baby with both parents. Spoiled brat and bully. married three times with children everywhere.
Me - born in far-away land, moved to USA in 1994. Gay, middle child, tried to be as invisible as possible and stay away from all the yelling, screaming and arguments and fights. Tried to protect sister 2 as much as I could as a child, later I had to let her go. Survivor of physical, psychological, spiritual and sexual abuse. Was raped several times as a child by several people, one of them my own father. started school 2 years ahead since I am intelligent. However, that took a toll in my socializing. Currently isolated and as far away from everyone as I can.
Brother 2 - A genius. At 4 he already knew reading, writing and basic math. Could sing, dance and create wooden figures at the age of 7. Gay also. Mistreated by everyone (sadly I did mistreat him too). Currently in complete denial about his sexual orientation, stayed in the family cult (though he has been living with his "friend" for 20 years and his apt has only one bedroom). Everyone who needs money uses him as a human ATM.
Brother 3 - Was born prematurely. My mother took extreme special care of him. He became her favorite child of all the time. She developed an emotionally incestuous relationship with him. Spoiled and consented to every single thing he wanted. My fights with him were legendary in our family, one of which made my father kick me out of the house at 16. He and I got along really well. It was our mother who always made us fight. later he "disappointed" the family (by just being him). Currently no one talks to him except me. He's the only family member I talk to.
Sister 3 - The "baby". I was 10 when she was born and I loved playing with her. Sadly I had to leave the house and she was at the mercy of my family dysfunction. My father loved her (but he molested her too). She walked away from the cult, moved to USA, went to college and became an artist. We were close, but as of a year or so she just disappeared from my life and stopped talking to me. I have no idea where she is.
The cult - My mother joined the cult when she was pregnant with me. It offered her all the answers and hope she needed. The person who invited her was also from far-far-away land, and gave her explanations for all her suffering. She was devoted and happy, and she truly believed in their teachings.
My father continued being an abusive drunk, until the day he joined the cult. He then became a dry drunk, stopped beating my mother, but started beating us, his children.
at 23 I sent the fucking cult to hell, walking away from it all, sure that I was going to be shunned (not that I wanted anything to do with my family). Since then, I came out, had a number of messed up unfulfilling relationships, went to college and have three rather failed careers.
Life has been a struggle all my life. Family has never been there and every time I hear from them is just more of their bullshit.
------------------
Anyway, I hope you didn't get bored with all this. Thank you for allowing me this space to share,
Family: Dad (alcoholic, abusive) died in 2001, and Mom (narcissistic, emotionally absent from some of us, and overly involved with some of us). I have five sisters and one brother still living, but we are a fractured family...It's like the first four and the second four were separate families. Mother didn't have time for any of us, but she was much more attentive to the last four that she ever was to me or the other three elder kids. I like your description of "emotionally incestuous", which perfectly describes the relationship my mother had with my younger brother. It was sickening to watch them together the last time I visited.
Venting help!
Thank you for reading.
Welcome.
I hope you are taking steps to improve your life. It's tough when you learn such messed up lessons about the world growing up.
Just remember that YOU have the power to re-invent the world you YOU want to see it. As for your mother, that's HER job to do the same thing for HER. You can't get her there. I only say that b/c many times those of us coming from messed up families get codependent and that drags down our own progress.
Hugs.
lisafromakron: It baffles me that I was treated similarly to the way you describe in your post. I have no idea why some family members just treat others so badly. I hope you find some comfort and healing here.
ginateresa: thank you. It's hard. I have found that the lack of a good family foundation keeps hunting me. It has also made me stronger.
DeliAnnem: I know, tough, right. I may not have much, but I have me, my dignity, a life and a degree of success. Just being alive in spite of such horrendous start in life is quite an accomplishment. Thank you for your words (btw, I'm from Philly too).
lador55: Thank you. Journey is a great word to describe it. Most of the events in my life have made me stronger. I do need to work on not growing too cynical or mad at the world. I know it's my choice, but I also know it's a struggle.
Once again, thank you so much for your words.
I'd love to know the "far far away" country. My DH is an import, too!