Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
My brother came to me for help asking for a place to stay. Despite knowing what kind of person he is, let him move all his stuff into my living room. I live in a small 1-bedroom apartment, and that’s all I had to offer.
This was 19 months ago. I’ve since spent thousands of dollars on him between food, his nicotine/kratom dependencies, and various non-essentials. The few months he’s been able to work I let him use my car, as my work is only a mile away.
90% of the time he isn’t working. He is an emotionally manipulative roommate. Every inquiry into why he doesn’t work or why he behaves the way he does starts an argument where he does one or all of these things: blames others for his situation, says he's just not good at a job, or makes other sorts of excuses.
After 19 months of him living with me, and over a year before that of helping him financially and lending my car, I am done. I have put my life on hold for this person. I have $0 left after each paycheck. My emotional well-being is atrocious. I have no support system.
Any hint or mention of me kicking him out, or having an ultimatum, ropes me into a 2hour+ long argument and excuse-fest.
I’m at a loss. He has burned every other bridge with family and friends due to this behavior.
Yesterday I went ahead and told my brother that I was planning on moving out of this current apartment, and he had until the end of September to either find someone else to live with, or get his act together.
His reaction was this:
- Told me to go F myself
- Saying I'm a selfish human being and a part of the problem, and might as well die for being this way
- His behavior is just who he is and he can't change that
- His experience with his past jobs and such since 2016 isn't his fault and is mostly just a run of bad luck and bad people
- He is trying to find a job and get him life together, he is not trying to fail
- I should just suck it up and help flesh and blood because that's the right thing to do
- Giving him 5 months isn't enough and is basically throwing him on the street
- I'm condemning him to homelessness
- During those 5 months he would be an a** just to spite me and wouldn't even try to help himself
- Says that if he ever was homeless he'd commit suicide and "don't think that I won't, I've tried it before"
I'm at my wit's end here. Nobody else is willing or able to house this person, and you might be able to tell why. Everyone else has kicked him out, no warning, so now there's me, that last person he knows who can help him, and he's making it incredibly difficult. He's not "trying to fail" but at the same time gets into arguments with his bosses and coworkers when they're not happy with his performance. This conversation we had last night took 4 hours to resolve itself, where I essentially gave in and said I wouldn't do it.
I am a crutch to him. If I wasn't around or I decided to kick him out, it's over for him. But he'd rather kill himself than change. And I'd rather not have that on my conscience.
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
Talk to a therapist about this. I used to try to help my brother also. But
eventually I realized he wasn't willing to help himself. He would never
change. He would argue and blame others for his problems. I never
Had him live with me. Mom left her house to him. You probably will
have to move. You don't want to destroy your health. You have to come
first. You did enough for your brother. Leave the apartment when he argues.
Lock the bathroom door and take a shower. Get professional help with his
to handle your brother.
I know this all sounds cold BUT it’s not. You have enabled him and allowed him to take advantage of you to an extreme that it has affected your health.
Wake up, this situation will not get any better.
If he is in such a bad condition, physically and mentally, maybe he can go on disability and get assistance.
Anything that comes out of his mouth is his manipulative way to get what he wants - YOU know that.
I would not have any more of these conversations with him. It only creates more stress.
You know what you have to do, so do it!
If you do nothing about this, then all you did was complain - and what does that get you.
You don’t have to tell him your plans.
Unfortunately, you will have to move to get him out of your hair.
Get your supportive family to help you move.
And for future’s sake, NEVER allow this person in your home again, under any circumstance.
I wish you peace and strength. Take Care.
(Well we didn't give him money for alcohol.) But we did provide him with all of his expenses, as did multiple other people.
With my BIL, 15 years later, he finally has his life put together and is supporting himself, and has a good life.)
We had to say enough is enough....and let him hit rock bottom. Because our "help"...wasn't doing anything positive for him.
1. Be calm, and take 30 days if you feel you are being attacked,
2. You cannot change him so do not get in a long battle of what he needs to do.
He's abusive towards you and I wouldn't tolerate it anymore.... Give him a 30 day notice
You aren't condemning him to anything.... He's choosing not to work.... He should be spending all of the hours he'd be working looking for a job
If he'd work 40 hours a week he can look for a job 40 hours a week.... If he threatens suicide call 911.... It's emotional blackmail..... Stop allowing this manipulation sweetie...
Big hug
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/enabling-101-how-love-becomes-fear-and-help-becomes-control-1018134