Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
Hi, i am new here, and this is my first post. Please comment.
Here is my problem.
I have had problems with my parents and my sister and her husband for 4 years now. My brother in law and I are working in dad's construction company as project managers.
My sister has been spreading lies about me and my wife, and my mum believed her, mum then told my dad which finally believed her too. And the problem started, their attitude started changing towards me, my wife and my 2 kids. I tried to explain my innocence but they didn't believe me.
I don't want my kids and wife to suffer because of this, and i started saving money and invest in properties overseas (the country where i had my tertiary education). The property investments, i kept them secret from my parents and sister. My wife and I also have permanent residency of that country which we applied after we graduated.
Then i announced that i am moving overseas. Which surprised everybody. My parents kept saying that i wouldn't survive overseas without their help, etc. My sister and her husband were very happy and kept asking the date of us moving regularly.
I feel it's not right to leave my parents when they are old ( almost 60 now). But it's really hard to watch my parents love my sister's kids more than mine. And they constantly say how good my sister and her husband is, and how bad i am. And it's been going on for 4 years and finally i have enough to support my family through my investments to move overseas.
What do you think?
thank you
Here is my problem.
I have had problems with my parents and my sister and her husband for 4 years now. My brother in law and I are working in dad's construction company as project managers.
My sister has been spreading lies about me and my wife, and my mum believed her, mum then told my dad which finally believed her too. And the problem started, their attitude started changing towards me, my wife and my 2 kids. I tried to explain my innocence but they didn't believe me.
I don't want my kids and wife to suffer because of this, and i started saving money and invest in properties overseas (the country where i had my tertiary education). The property investments, i kept them secret from my parents and sister. My wife and I also have permanent residency of that country which we applied after we graduated.
Then i announced that i am moving overseas. Which surprised everybody. My parents kept saying that i wouldn't survive overseas without their help, etc. My sister and her husband were very happy and kept asking the date of us moving regularly.
I feel it's not right to leave my parents when they are old ( almost 60 now). But it's really hard to watch my parents love my sister's kids more than mine. And they constantly say how good my sister and her husband is, and how bad i am. And it's been going on for 4 years and finally i have enough to support my family through my investments to move overseas.
What do you think?
thank you
Having your parents devote more time and attentions to another siblings is tough to watch.
Trust me, your parents age of 60 is not old; they are more than capable of taking care of themselves for a very long time.
Moving overseas with your family could be an exciting adventure and new beginning. I would keep your investments and financial situation to yourself. Considering everything that you've said; I believe you and your wife have already decided that this move is what's best for you and your family. Go with it..
Actually at the beginning my brother in law was not working in dad's company. My dad promised me that i would be running the company after he is retired. Brother in law told us that his own business was struggling, and he couldn't afford to feed his family. So then he was assigned as project manager like me. But i soon found out he bought a new car before he finished his first project, which means he lied about his financial difficulty, as we only get paid once a project is completed.
So the first family meeting was then held. I complained about his new car and that he lied to get his position now. But my dad who was very supportive of me in the past, accused me of being jealous. I wasn't actually jealous of the car, i was just angry that he lied about his financial situation. And then dad denied ever promising me to run the company. Finally the conclusion of the meeting was, there are 2 children in this family, so both will have equal share and brother in law stays in his position.
My sister's intention should be to get me out of the company so that she and her husband would run it when my dad retires.
There were a few more meaningless meetings held after, and the last one was when i announced that i am moving overseas.
And good luck with your situation too
my mom told her how the japanese were gonna kill her family, take my nieces and make wives out of them, etc such bizarre shit coming from my mom's mouth. none of that was true my sister and my nieces had a great time in japan. my mom told my sister she wouldnt last long in japan before she contacted our parents etc she has never contacted them for money
I believe the healthiest thing for all of us to do as we grow up is to leave our parents and form our own lives. Your parent's job was to care for you as you grew up, until you are able to take care of yourself. So when you reach adulthood it's time to go out on your own.
Handsome it sounds like you have a good plan in the works. I think you will be much happier away from your parents and your sister and her husband. It may not seem fair that they will stay in the business but as I'm sure you have noticed life is not fair. You can either stay there and be miserable as you fight for fair or you can go out on your own and make a great life for your family.
Exactly, lies can destroy a family. Can start as small problem and then grow into bigger and bigger problem, and in the end a family is torn apart.
True it is very unfair that my sister will end up to own the business to herself. But the new life looks brighter and i am going for it. Hopefully time would heal the bad feelings
I think you need to do what's best for your wife and children. Watching their dad be treated like that brings the whole family down. I would encourage you to speak with your wife about this, I'm sure she'll support you.
Also, I grew up in a family where one child was favored over the other and as the grandchild, I did grow to resent my grandmother. For childish things, like how she acted towards me and my brother was WAY different then how she would to my cousin.
I think you and your wife and if they are old enough your kids, should sit down and talk about moving as a family. Save the "heavy" emotions for just the wifey but let the kids be heard as well.
Best of luck and keep us updated!
Blu