Wow....you told your husband that you kissed another guy and he blew it off?? That would send up flares for me. Also his lack of interest in the house would make me wonder. Plus the fact that you talk to him about divorce (who would get the house) and he seems detached.

I'm not clear on whether you already bought the house or if you are saving and will move. Either way you really need to talk to your husband and maybe get some counciling. Something is definately not right in your marriage.

Cheating is wrong. End what you have before moving on. But always remember that the grass is not always as green as you think.

Either go to marraige therapy or leave. Just because he says he will give you house doesn't mean he will. Are you willing to throw away your marriage that quickly for a fling with a guy that shows no respect for you? You might consider the guy you want may not want commitment and only sex

You're right Zombie, I have thought about that and I don't know what Chris would do if I did leave Dan. I don't know if he would show more interest in me or what he would do... I went today and saw him. I asked him how his ''gf'' was doing and he didn't seem thrilled to talk to her he said she was okay. - I never let on to Dan if I've went over there and frankly he doesn't ever ask.... I think he might be afraid of what I might have to say.... I made a really nice dinner tonight and put some in a carry out tin and took it over to him as a nice gesture. Since the other night he did the same for me.. Is that wrong?... I'm not sure what to do Gosh I'm so confused.



Tigg, We are in the process of buying the house. Dan ''just today'' put money into the house but equally it wasn't enough as I've put in but he did put what he could in I suppose. Our home will be here in July and then the move in part will be interesting. I know Dan is looking forward to having the house with me and right now we are staying with my mom.. Still I'll be living close to Chris... :/ I don't know if it's not having the privacy with Dan that I need as a married woman or what it is.. - I just feel so unattached to Dan and I think he feels unattached to me - personally I think it's his personality.. :/


Thanks for the advice. :)

Yes its wrong.

I agree it is wrong that you are going there and bringing him dinner. That's what you do when you are flirting or dating. If you truly had no other reason you would be telling your husband.

Living with your parents....hmmm well that puts a different spin on things. Have you guys ever lived together alone? I'm wondering if your husband is detached because he feels awkward.

Your first line in your original post said your husband is always gone for work. Is that normal and something that will continue after you move? Or is he using work as an excuse to not be at your moms? You also say that he can't contribute to the "house" as much as you. Is that because he makes less or that he is keeping his own money? I'm not a fan of seperate finances. It always seems to make for competition and hard feelings. For me if you are married you share everything.

My advice would be to stop seeing this other guy. Throw yourself into your marriage completely. Take dinner to your husband if you have time. Then move into your home with your husband and start your life together. Give it a few months at the least and see how you feel then.

Please, please dont do this. Honestly i have been there and it is something that i regret very much. Seven years later i am still suffering the after effects of my affair. I really did not think that i was capable of it. I have never been the same and lost the respect of my family.
I still dread someone finding out at my new place of work for example.
If your marriage if not working then get counselling and if that doesnt work leave, dont cheat honestly it is not worth all the pain that it causes and it tears you apart.
Good luck

Update for all :)

I've voiced concerns with my husband and he didn't have anything to say... As usual.. He doesn't have much to say ever.. it's how he is that is Dan for you.. - We talk about things but it seems like I don't ever get much of a reply from him. Like this morning, I talked to him about taking charge of the finances when we get our new home and of course he sat there and looked at me.. Didn't have anything to say and chose to keep silent. He mentioned he was thinking about it and understood that we need to keep our finances together but it didn't seem like I could get any where.. Sigh.. I feel in my marriage like if I'm not in control of things nothing ever ever gets done. GOD does that get old. I've told Dan how I feel and still nothing ever gets done. It seems like he is a freakin' five year old and I'm his mommy... I hate it. :/ I really hate it.


As for the guy next door thing.. We flirt, he has openly admitted that we flirt and he does have a girl friend. He will be moving soon, which will probably help my situation out a lot.. I'll be moving into my home and will be very very busy with life overall and I'm planning on not making an effort to give him the time of day. I'll blow him off and say ''I'm busy'' -

Our living situation is.. We were living and are living with my mom until our home is finished being built. It's a modular home and should be here in the end of July hopefully the beginning of August. I'm excited about having a new home with Dan so we can start our life together. ........... New life and new struggles... :/
I've told him I wanted to take the bills over and take charge of paying them so we live more on a budget vs. letting him do his thing, I do mine and then in the end not having enough money for groceries or whatever. I've considered doing a spread sheet type thing on the computer, for budgeting.. This budgeting thing is all new to me and I wouldn't mind advice on it...

As for my husband's job and my own. - He works in the gas and oil field industry, he is gone a lot due to the demanding work hours. It's not by choice because of our living situation it's just his job overall. I understand it, and have became use to it. - My job I'm a RN at a local hospital, I love my job and have been working 3 12 hr shifts and then i'll pick up extra time during the week to make extra money. I love my job and figure if he's gone at work why should I be home, So I go to work too.. :)

Loving the advice - thank you all :)