Previously I posted about my estrenged family contacting my son's father (I don't have any relationship with this person) about seeing my son. It has been about 4 months now that THEY decided to "supposedly" no longer be involve in my life. Or should I say they kicked me out of the family. Yet my father went behind my back while my son was staying with his father and asked him if he could see him. First, my son's father told me about this, and I replyed that I wasn't okay with my son seeing my father/any family members on my side. My reasons are none of his business and he should just respect that. Did he? HELL NO!!! I just got my son back and told me that he got to see my estrenged family. I don't even know what to say about that. I feel pissed off, and now I'm having a full blown panic attack because of it. UGH!! If I went behind their backs to see my nieces & nephews... THEY WOULD BE GIVING ME HELL OVER IT!. This is ridiculous. I sent another e-mail to my sons' father basically begging him to stop any further contact with my family and to not let my son see them. I told him I don't have to explain you my reasons, just know that this is very serious. I mean I hope this doesn't happen again! I contacted both my brother and sister and let them know that this behind my back stuff is not okay.
it is 5am sat. and i am so relieved that this week is over. I ended up after about 1 and 1/2 hrs sleep leaving here on wed morning. The drive there was actually fun - new fentanyl patch the night before meant a little of the edge off the pain at this point! Got to the hospital with no problems and everything went downhill from there. GP got it wrong and there is no more carcinoma but consultant...
I get super anxious. Some of the energy goes towards being productive. Then I crash. Today both happened within maybe 8 hours. I fell asleep after I came home and laid on the bed. Concentration suffers. My vision gets fuzzy. The panic attacks are more frequents. Those alternate with sleeping for 11-12 hours. Ugh. Here we go.