Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
I am an adult living with my mom and step-father. I am 24 and almost 25. I am still living at home because I am in college full time and because of some medical issues. My mom has always been controlling and initally when I entered college she told me I could have live at home if I majored in something she approved of. I followed the path she wanted me to and ended up miserable and switching majors. Then I found a major that was "mom friendly" and she approved of and once again after 2 years I couldn't handle it. I've finally found something I love and I do well in but I'm feeling like I cannot handle being at home. During my many years of schooling I've had to take a semester off a few times and took two years off because of my illnesses.My medical issues aren't life threatening just annoying and I have GI symptoms that flare up with stress.
I pay for college with mostly loans and some of my own money. I only have a year left of college and I'm terrified to move out now and deplete my savings while finishing up my senior year. I'm also supposed to do a 9 month internship starting in a few months. The internship is 30 hours a week plus I'll still have 4-5 classes for the two semesters.Since I am paying for school and only working part time ( because I have days where I literally am at school from 9AM to 8PM ) I don't have a large savings. I do pay for everything besides rent. I help out with everything, buy groceries, and etc.
Here comes the issue. My mom is really self-centered. I have to spend hours out of my day listening to her talk about everything under the sun. She is in college as well and is graduating soon but is not working. Since she is home 24/7 and only taking 3 classes she thinks I have time to help her with her studies, listen to her complain, and generally tell me negative things. She throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way. She is also a borderline alcoholic. She drinks at least once a week and cannot stop drinking until she finishes whatever alcohol she has one a hand. When she drinks she becomes loud and obnixious and gets into screaming matches with me over the dumbest things. She uses all of my things and I asked her if she could make sure she put something back that I needed for the next morning and she flipped out.
She is always saying awful things to me when she is drinking but never acknowleges anything the next day. Also whenever she is in a whiny mood she snaps and treats me like dirt.
I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place!
I pay for college with mostly loans and some of my own money. I only have a year left of college and I'm terrified to move out now and deplete my savings while finishing up my senior year. I'm also supposed to do a 9 month internship starting in a few months. The internship is 30 hours a week plus I'll still have 4-5 classes for the two semesters.Since I am paying for school and only working part time ( because I have days where I literally am at school from 9AM to 8PM ) I don't have a large savings. I do pay for everything besides rent. I help out with everything, buy groceries, and etc.
Here comes the issue. My mom is really self-centered. I have to spend hours out of my day listening to her talk about everything under the sun. She is in college as well and is graduating soon but is not working. Since she is home 24/7 and only taking 3 classes she thinks I have time to help her with her studies, listen to her complain, and generally tell me negative things. She throws tantrums when she doesn't get her way. She is also a borderline alcoholic. She drinks at least once a week and cannot stop drinking until she finishes whatever alcohol she has one a hand. When she drinks she becomes loud and obnixious and gets into screaming matches with me over the dumbest things. She uses all of my things and I asked her if she could make sure she put something back that I needed for the next morning and she flipped out.
She is always saying awful things to me when she is drinking but never acknowleges anything the next day. Also whenever she is in a whiny mood she snaps and treats me like dirt.
I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place!
let's see, is it possible to find a roomie or friend? what exactly is bothering your mother? is she bitter like my mom who is a narc? are other things in her life she is upset at and takes it out on you? she wanted you to major in something she approved of, whatever happen to unconditional love?
my mom is so whiney and she is 66 yrs old with zero life experiences she never held many jobs in her life.
My mom is a very high stress indivdual and she is very self-centered. She is always feeling stressed and overwhelmed hence why she isn't working while she finishes her classes. She wants to have the focus on her 24/7.
I had planned to move out in August given that I could do some overtime or get a second job. I planned to take out another loan if things got really grim but now I'm against that.
my mom flat out doesn't give a shit about anybody but herself and my damn father is like her too. sounds like ur mother needs to go to AA to get help there is a reason behind why a person drinks so much like that they always never tell you the truth reason until they are ready to tell you.
Move out, whatever it takes.
Here's what I suggest- give the dog to someone and stay on campus. It's not that awkward. It's a good financial deal, gives you a stepping stone to being out on your own, and the chance to meet people and find a potential roommate when you get out in the 'real' world.
You may just find out that your illness is stress induced and may clear up once you get out of Mom's influence.
There is no way that I'm willing to give my dog up. It's not negotiable period. Also living on campus requires a meal plan and when you add that cost up it would be the same price if not more as getting an apartment.
I do think that I need to find some way to get out of here because it's killing me. I cannot stand having to listen to her 24/7 complain about her life or use me as a sounding board. It's so stressful to live here.
Also I always have to plan my life around their schedule. When she was working I could not come home after 9PM because it might wake her up so I would have to come home early from everything. If I did stay out longer I wasn't allowed to shower when I got home because it could wake them up. I cannot talk on the phone after 9PM and I have to spend the day in silence because of my stepdad's work schedule.
As for the dog, I appreciate where you are coming from, but since you sound desperate to improve your life, it's going to be very difficult to find an apartment who'll take a dog. Maybe you could have someone take care of him/her for a limited time period while you try to break free of your mother?
If you really want to leave, something may have to give. Otherwise, I question how much you really want to be free of her, if you make excuses why each possible solution won't work for you.
these pet deposit at apts are so ridiculous with their prices for having an animal.
I've looked into nice apartments in decent areas that are somewhat close to school and allow dogs that are around $500 with no additional monthly pet fee just a $250 deposit. My dog is only 10lbs so I don't have to worry about her being too big or a certain unaccepted breed.
I do agree that kids usually do more damage than a pet does!
I guess I'm just a big baby. I desperately want independence and I want to break free from all the drama here. I'm just really scared as I mentioned in my initial post ..
I pay for college with mostly loans and some of my own money. I only have a year left of college and I'm terrified to move out now and deplete my savings while finishing up my senior year. I'm also supposed to do a 9 month internship starting in a few months. The internship is 30 hours a week plus I'll still have 4-5 classes for the two semesters.Since I am paying for school and only working part time ( because I have days where I literally am at school from 9AM to 8PM ) I don't have a large savings. I do pay for everything besides rent. I help out with everything, buy groceries, and etc.
I've thought about taking an additional loan out for school that would help me cover living expenses so I wouldn't be completely worried.
I guess my fear also comes from what if I can't find a job after graduation or what if I lose my current job?
I totally get the fear factor. I was 25 when I finally graduated and got a job. Slightly different circumstances, but still similar.
Well, if you don't make a move now, I can see that you'll be in the same position in another year. Then, you'll try to find a job and who knows how long that will take. So you have one of two options-
1. Pull off the Band-Aid and move out now if you can. Once you do, you'll just figure it out as you go along.
2. Stay where you are, but try to set up some ground rules. Ever read the Beaty (sp?) books about co-dependency? I'm willing to bet you unknowingly do things to encourage your mother's behavior. Otherwise, you wouldn't be where you are today.
Check out local CODA meetings. You may learn something. I've gone in the past, and they're a trip!