Some background on my situation: I am the type of person that is realistic, and truthful, I do not exaggerate things, I am always willing to help others out and take their feelings into consideration, but I only take so much, I hate it when people get taken advantage of especially by their own family. My husband and I have been together for 4 years, married for the last 1 1/2, and have our first child who is almost 6 months old. When we began dating he had previously bought his parents home, which is a pit, so his parents could have a clean slate when it comes to debt so they could build a home 200 miles away to retire to, which they did. In the purchase of the house his parents paid 25000 off in credit card debt for him so he would qualify quicker, which they received back immediately because it was wrapped into his mortgage. The first year we were together he spent pretty much living with me, even though it was his house, his parents continued living like it was theirs, the house was disgustingly dirty and filed with junk everywhere, he had a sister that was in college living there also and she was not expecting to contribute anything and his parents only had to contribute for utilities which was about a 1/4 of the total monthly bills, for 3 out of the 4 people in the house.

Towards the end of our first year dating my husband had enough and moved me into his house. We shared his childhood bedroom. The first few months we finished off a room in the basement so we could have a decent bedroom and some privacy. Tension was there because of the condition of the house and other factors. The first confrontation with his family came when he had, had enough of his sisters mess and asked her to clean something up and she was her usual disrespecting b***h attitude. I stuck up for my husband since no ones seemed to, and he felt he was not allowed too, I told her she needed to show her brother some respect because he was the one putting the roof over her head and not her dad, that she needed to stop being a free-loader. Tension got worse as my husband begin standing up for himself and trying to take control of his house to clean it up and begin building a life of his own.

The next confrontation came when he had wrote a letter to his parents and sister saying how everyone needed to contribute whether financially or by doing chores around the house, needed to respect others possessions and personal space and privacy, nothing was unreasonable or out of line when you had 5 adults living in a house. This was left for them when we went on vacation trying to avoid a confrontation and his dad's bullying. When we came home it was straight into a fight, his dad bullied away everything in the letter, pretty much saying it was still going to be his way, like it was still his house. Another argument came later, when his sister that comes and goes as she pleased and was still not contributing anything, decided one day that she was home and she needed to do her laundry so we had to stop in the middle of ours so she could do hers, she was told no she had to wait until we were finished with ours in a few hours, next thing we know his mom is coming downstairs telling us to stop what doing ours and let her, and I told her no, that we did not have to cater to her demands, because she decided to show up and wants to do something.

Finally my husband had enough of his sister's freeloading, she uses a room and can spend her money on frivolous things it is definitely time for her to start contributing some rent, next thing we know "Grandma" is calling him and trying to guilt him into not doing it, thankfully he followed thru and starting charging her 100/month. She lasted a few months before her boyfriend bought a house and she completely moved out. By now we were engaged, there were no congrats from his immediate family, just smartass and uncalled for ones from his dad. We still had the bedroom upstairs, used as a guest bedroom/ TV room, a bedroom and office area in the basement, and had cleaned up the kitchen.

At our wedding my husbands aunt started a fight with me about the living situation and how much his dad has done for him paying off his credit cards and such and how we needed to let them pretty much continue living in our house like it was theirs. Just what I had suspected his dad was talking about things, but not telling the whole truth, so he sounds good. I told her the truth that the debt was paid so he could buy the house and they got it back as soon as he bought the house because it was in the mortgage, she continued to try and tell me that they never saw a penny of that back, and I told her that I was not going to do this, it was not the time of place and turned and went to walk back in the reception hall, she yelled don't you walk away from me and grabbed me ripping the straps on my wedding dress. I had to push her off of me. I went in the banquet room looking for my husband and did not see him, so I went back out to the bar area and told her she need to get the hell out of here now. My husbands sister and her boyfriend called me an f*****g b***h. Now to the family I am the bad guy even though she attacked me at my own wedding reception. None of his family stuck up for us, they stuck up for his aunt.

On our honeymoon we made the decision that we were not going to have anything to do with her anymore, that a family member that would attack me at our own wedding was not one we needed in our life, when we came back he made calls to his grandma, uncle, and other aunt telling them what really happened and that we were not having anything to do with her anymore.

We had also decided we were married now and I had pretty much been sick since I moved in that we were going to move from the basement bedroom to the master bedroom. So this was mid July and he asked his parents to be moved into his sisters old room by Labor Day. Well like everything that has been asked of them it was never done when asked. They did not even start moving their room until after labor day then took 2 weeks to move the stuff out of the master bedroom into another bedroom. We still had to remodel the bedroom due to the condition of it, so we moved in the room the beginning of November. His dad's retirement requirements had changed so instead of being able to retire in 2 more years, it was now 5, he approached my husband and said that we needed to take over some of the utilities so he could get his finances in order and be out within a year since they would have to find a place for the other 3 anyways, I told my husband I would take on this, only if they were out within that year, we were already paying 1200+ a month and they were only paying 300+, my husband trying to keep peace did not tell them at that specific time that they only had that year. I knew his dad would get us to pay more than stay the full 2 years, that is the type of person he is.

When we moved in the master bedroom I was finally starting to feel better we had a couple rooms for our use that were clean and allergen free, shortly after this I was pregnant and by the end of December could not figure out why I was starting to get sick again (not the morning sickness). We spent the holidays with his family ignoring the aunt that attacked me, we had made it clear to the family that we wanted nothing to do with her, we would come to things she was at, except for things at her house, and she was not welcome at our house and would not be included in our life, this was uncomfortable being around her, but we just visited with the rest of the family. Later I got extremely sick for a couple weeks with Strep and I felt lightheaded so I was not going to shower in the basement, were we showered, I opened the curtain and was completely full of mildew, I was sick because every time I came in the bathroom to pee or brush my teeth I breathed in the mildew. My husband told his parents in the beginning of January that they needed to be out by the end of September. In April we were excluded from his parents surprise 50th b-day party.

Then our baby was taken at 32 weeks in the beginning of June, I was in the hospital with preeclampsia for a week and had to have a c-section and only got a card and flowers from his grandma, no well wishes from anyone in his large family. We got to bring him home two days before our baby shower, which we received grief from his side of the family for not inviting his aunt that attacked me. My husband reminded his parents of the end of September deadline after our son was brought home. In August at his sisters bridal shower I was excluded from both family tables and had to sit with the brides maids moms. We also found out that the utilities that they were supposed to be paying that were in my husbands name were 1000.00 behind. Come the beginning of September his parents had not looked for any where to live and not even started packing up any of the mass of junk they had in the house still, my husband sat down and looked up some apartments in the area that were for 100.00 more than what they were paying here, and wrote them a letter stating they had to be out by September 30th and that is was time for him to begin his life with his wife and child and make his house his own. They acted like it was a total shock, (remember though a year ago it was his dads idea for them to move out in a year). They moved in with his sister and her fianc, at his sisters wedding his parents and sister did not acknowledge me at all, then in the few times they have been over to get stuff that was left in the basement/garage or visit the baby to are rude and do not acknowledge me, and the one time I even fed his dad dinner while he was over.

Now the holidays are upon us, and the thought of spending time with them is becoming stressful, my husband received his aunts name in the gift exchange drawing and I think she got mine, is it just skeptical of me to believe to that was fixed to force us to have something to do with her? His grandma draws all names. Is it too much to ask that the family respect our feelings and decision to not have anything to do with her? It is like his dad and sister have made sure that the family, both sides of the family, think so badly of us, mostly me, because my husband found a woman that stood behind him and encouraged him to break free from a controlling and bully of a father and stop letting himself be used and taken advantage of by his parents and sister. They are now trying to control him still, trying to guilt him telling him that us not having anything to do with his aunt, that lives two states away and is only seen maybe once or twice a year, is driving his family away, we have never asked them not to have anything to do with her, she just will never be part of our lives. My own family is not perfect but in everything that has happened there no one has attacked someone. Why do people think just because you are related to someone you have to have something to do with them when they have wronged you? His aunt ruined our evening at our wedding and we can never get that back, and it is not the first time she has attacked somebody. I would feel the same about that situation if it was my family and done to my husband.