Family Issues Support Group
Family issues is a huge range that go from minor conflict to major misbehaviour and even abuse on the part of individual members of the family occur. Whether you feel you are in a dysfunctional family or you're dealing with a very specific issue, this is the place to talk about it and find others who might be going through the same thing.
A year ago my husband began an affair with his ex. She lives in another state and we had gone up to that state to visit. Her and I were good friends and she was seeing someone else. She was also in a really bad spot. Her parents are hoarders and their house was disgusting, there are literally no jobs down there and she had no way to better herself. I'll admit that I was completely stupid when I agreed to let her stay with us to get back on her feet, we live in an area where the economy is much better.
Well the whole situation almost caused us to get a divorce... It's been a year, and my husband is friends with her again but nothing is going on. (I have access to all of his email/facebook/cell phone stuff... We are working on rebuilding trust between us.
He tells me 15 minutes ago that he wants to go back up to said state to visit family by himself. I replied "I'm not that comfortable with that" and he blew me off saying it was only for a week. Then I said louder "I'm sorry but I'm really not that comfortable with that" and now HE is mad at ME because I said it. But really? A year ago we went up there and you started cheating on me... Due to his career we spent about 5 months "after" the affair apart and while we were apart he was IMing and skyping her about sexual stuff... That was only about 6 months ago. He said we haven't fought over this in 2 months so he thought everything was better. But I mean, really, this kind of stuff takes time and he doesn't understand that... Would you have reacted to him saying he wanted to go back up there alone the way I did or would you have been perfectly happy about it like he said I should have been? Ugh....
Well the whole situation almost caused us to get a divorce... It's been a year, and my husband is friends with her again but nothing is going on. (I have access to all of his email/facebook/cell phone stuff... We are working on rebuilding trust between us.
He tells me 15 minutes ago that he wants to go back up to said state to visit family by himself. I replied "I'm not that comfortable with that" and he blew me off saying it was only for a week. Then I said louder "I'm sorry but I'm really not that comfortable with that" and now HE is mad at ME because I said it. But really? A year ago we went up there and you started cheating on me... Due to his career we spent about 5 months "after" the affair apart and while we were apart he was IMing and skyping her about sexual stuff... That was only about 6 months ago. He said we haven't fought over this in 2 months so he thought everything was better. But I mean, really, this kind of stuff takes time and he doesn't understand that... Would you have reacted to him saying he wanted to go back up there alone the way I did or would you have been perfectly happy about it like he said I should have been? Ugh....
If he cant understand that trust takes a lifetime to rebuild and he is going to get mad at you for what he caused... that alone is suspect.
i wouldn't trust him...n as you can see, i would probably react the way you have (if not worse). if he's seriously gonna be mad at you for not fully trusting him after HE betrayed your trust...wow...
...you deserve way better than this....but i'm sure you invested a lot of your time n love into this...n leaving isn't that easy....or is it?
You deserve better..I would seriously consider moving on!
This is all still very new for you. For him to even suggest that he go off alone "anywhere" would automatically cause me concern in your shoes. You have every right to voice your opinions and make demands on him at this time.
The saying of once a cheater, always a cheater doesn't always apply to every relationship. If the both of you have made a commitment to salvage your relationship then at some point you will have to allow him to go out or away without you; otherwise the relationship won't work.
My personal opinion though; he'd be on one short bungie cord. Visiting family by himself? What's the point; these things are done as a couple. I don't have good feelings here about his motives.
In the end, he's your husband and you need to make a decision on whether or not to trust him. Are you more fearful of learning that it's happening again and what you'll need to do next?